We can strengthen
our families, communities, and nations and bring blessings into the lives of
our children by improving our marriages.
As adults, we tend to think that we can protect our children from
knowing we are struggling in our marriages, but we cannot. Children are very sensitive to the atmosphere
in the home and can discern when a marriage is struggling even though the
parents attempt to settle their differences behind closed doors.
Lori Cluff Schade, a licensed
marriage and family therapist, shared her thoughts about this subject in an
article entitled “Blessing Our Children by Improving Our Marriages” (Ensign, September 2015, pp. 34-39). She stated that she sees many families where
the parents try really hard to do all the right things to bless their children
but do little to strengthen their marriages.
“As couples become more aware of the powerful influence their marriages
have on their children, it becomes clear just how far-reaching the benefits can
be when couples actively seek to nourish and strengthen their marriages.”
The author continued, “I believe
most Latter-day Saint couples want their marriages to succeed, and I’m
impressed with the levels of marital commitment most of them display….
“However, I sometimes encounter marriages
that offer more stability than quality. Some couples mistakenly think that if they
Refrain
from arguing in front of their children, their children will be unaware of the
disconnection in the marriage. Children
are extremely intuitive and usually have a sense that something isn’t going
well, which can lead to deep feelings of insecurity. Absence of conflict in a marriage is a cheap
substitute for secure connection.
“Research on marital quality and
children suggests that a high-quality marriage promotes a sense of emotional
security, enhancing children’s general well-being. In my clinical practice, I am a witness to
the reality that children are deeply affected by parents’ marital quality. This principle is reflected in the words of
President Spencer W. Kimball (1895-1985):
`Marriage … has to do not only with immediate happiness, but also with
eternal joy. It affects not only the two
people involved, but also their families and particularly their children and
their children’s children down through the many generations.’ I often explain to people that they aren’t
just creating their own marriages but in essence their children’s and
grandchildren’s marriages as well.”
Sister Schade made the following
suggestions for improving the quality of our marriages: (1) Articulate and share what you want your
marriage to look like in 5, 10, or 20 years; (2) Write down and share a positive
memory in the marriage; (3) Share a memory of a time that you were able to
overcome a challenge together; (4) Create small but meaningful rituals for when
you part and come together again;
(5)
Introduce an element of novelty into your dating; (6) Tell your children
regularly what you admire about your spouse; (7) Actively seek uplifting
marital improvement resources; (8) Ask each other regularly if you are more or
less connected as a couple than before and discuss what you can to do to bridge
the gap; (9) Counsel with your bishop to access professional resources if
necessary; (10) Pray for help in strengthening the love you feel for your
spouse.
Sister Schade assured her
readers that “Heavenly Father wants us to have excellent marriages of the
highest quality and that He will guide us in our effort to improve those
relationships for the benefit of our families.
Happy marriages supply profound blessings for us and for our children.”
President Howard W. Hunter (1907-95)
declared that “whatever Jesus lays his hands upon lives. If Jesus lays his hands upon a marriage, it
lives. If he is allowed to lay his hands
on the family, it lives.” I know that we
can bring more security and many blessings to ourselves and our children by
improving our marriages and thus strengthen our families, communities, and
nations.
No comments:
Post a Comment