Good Communication Skills

            Good communication skills will strengthen families, communities, and nations. Two of the most important skills involve speaking clearly and listening carefully. Parents will do their children a huge favor if they will teach them to say what they mean and mean what they say, to listen in order to understand, and to discern nonverbal signals.

            Communication involves the words we say as well as our nonverbal behavior. We communicate even when we are silent. Our silence may communicate anger or reverence depending on the situation. Our body posture shows whether we want further interaction or none. If we intentionally turn our back on someone or pick up our cell phone, we are communicating that the interface is over. We communicate respect or lack of respect by the clothing we wear. Our facial expressions and eye behavior tell a story even if we are silent. We can communicate love or hate by a simple touch.

            Good communication involves both a sender and a receiver. The sender encodes their message in words and nonverbal means and sends it forth. They hear what they have said and may rephrase their words or apologize for the tone. The receiver receives the message, decodes it while filtering it through their own ideas and feelings, and sends forth their own encoded the message, which the sender then decodes by filtering with their ideas and feelings.

            There are different types of learners, and social scientists have identified the following five poor listening styles: (1) The Faker – They pretend to be listening and might smile or nod, but they do not hear. (2) The Dependent Listener – They are more concerned with making a good impression on the speaker than actually hearing what they are saying. (3) The Interrupter – They never give the speaker an opportunity to finish their statement. (4) The Self-Conscious Listener – They are more concerned with their own status than actually listening for understanding. (5) The Intellectual Listener – They listen to the words without paying attention to the nonverbal cues or listening for the feelings (Lauer and Lauer, Marriage & Family – The Quest for Intimacy, [2018], 199-200).

            Lauer and Lauer teach the following good listening skills: (1) Listen actively – look at the person and concentrate on what they are saying. (2) Resist distractions. (3) Keep your emotions under control and allow the speaker to finish. (4) Ask questions and rephrase to clarify the meaning (2018, 201).

            Since the family is the core unit of society, we should practice good communication skills within our homes. Family relationships can be damaged or strengthened by the words we say as well as by our nonverbal behavior. By learning better communication skills we can strengthen our families, get along better with our neighbors, and strengthen our communities and nations.