Does Sex Equal Love?

Hollywood stars and movies have long portrayed sex as a big part of life. Yet, one of the stars is telling a different story and pushing back on the obsession that our culture has with sex. Katrina Trinko shared the following story.

Describing her surprise as being referred to as a woman who “hates sex,” Barrymore recounts how she recently had said that an actor’s six-month period of sexual abstinence was not that long. (Presumably, Barrymore is referring to Andrew Garfield, who in a podcast interview with Marc Maron revealed that he went on a sex fast while playing the role of a Catholic priest in the 2016 film “Silence.”)  

“I’m sure that there was one point in my life where six months might have seemed extreme, but I’m on the other side of that now,” writes the actress, who now hosts a talk show on CBS. “At nearly 48 I have very different feelings about intimacy than I did growing up.” 

Barrymore describes her younger self as “looking for companionship! validation! excitement! pleasure! hedonism! fun! And adventures!!”  

It’s no wonder Barrymore, a child actress and a Hollywood scion who grew up in the spotlight, thought that. 

After all, that’s the message Hollywood and our broader culture sends about sex: It’s a way to have fun and fulfillment. From steamy scenes on HBO shows to the Kardashians, Hollywood relentlessly emphasizes the importance of regular sex. 

Presumably only joyless prudes who want to catapult us back to the Puritan era of slapping scarlet A’s on Hester Prynnes sound warnings about wanton sex, or even have any caveats about falling into bed with virtual strangers.  

According to Trinko, Barrymore is suggesting that people can live fulfilling lives without sex. Barrymore shared a line given by her therapist: “Sex is not love! It is the expression of love.” Barrymore said that she had “searched” for her entire life to hear words that defined the difference between sex and love. Barrymore wrote about her mourning after her divorce and the breaking up of her nuclear family. 

I needed to stay very celibate and honoring and in some sort of state of mourning of the loss of a nuclear family that I swore I would have for my daughters and to find grace and acceptance and what our new normal of a blended family would be. It took time. I’m proud of myself that I took that time.

 

Barrymore may be open to a romantic relationship at some time in the future, but for now she is acknowledging that she can live a happy life without sex. A happy life comes from “loving and being loved,” and sometimes love includes sex. However, sex is not love.