Why Are Love and Honor Important in Creating Strong Families?

Families, communities, and nations are stronger when parents love and care for their children, and children honor their parents. After the Lord led the children of Israel out of Egypt, He gave them Ten Commandments by which to live their lives. The first four commandments have to do with loving, honoring, and serving God, and the other six are about loving our neighbors. (See Exodus 20:2-17.)

2 I am the Lord thy God….

3 Thou shalt have no other gods before me.

4 Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image, or any likeness….

7 Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain….

8 Remember the sabbath day, to keep it holy.

12 Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee.

13 Thou shalt not kill.

14 Thou shalt not commit adultery.

15 Thou shalt not steal.

16 Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbour.

17 Thou shalt not covet … any thing that is thy neighbour’s.

This post is about commandment number five, the first in the series of six about loving our neighbor. The command begins differently than eight of the other commandments. It starts with “Honour thy father and thy mother….” I did not realize it, but there is a pandemic in America and in other Western nations of children who do not honor their parents – a pandemic that no one discusses.

According to Dennis Prager in an article published at The Daily Signal, there is a pandemic in America and other Western nations – a pandemic that no one discusses. One that does not kill anyone. It just destroys people, lives, and families and causes “permanent, debilitating pain.” 

This pandemic consists of adult children who have decided never again to speak to one or both of their parents. The vast majority of these people were never sexually or physically abused. In fact, nearly all were loved by their parents.

So, then, why have these people decided to hurt their mother, their father, or both in one of the worst ways possible?

There are three primary reasons.

The first is the ascent of the therapeutic mentality. Prior to the explosion of psychotherapy, people were governed by “shoulds.” Beginning in the 1960s, however, the therapeutic model replaced the oral model as the guide to one’s behavior. People who lived at that time will recall the phrase, “there are no should.” …

In our post-biblical age, there are no Ten Commandments. In fact, there are no commandments, period. That’s what “no should” was all about – no commandments. Instead, you do what you feel is right. If you don’t feel like talking to your mother or father, you don’t….

Though the Bible commands us to love our neighbor, love the stranger, and love God, there is no commandment to love our parents. On the other hand, there is no commandment to honor anyone except our parents.

A second reason for the Ignore-Parents (IP) pandemic is parental alienation. This is usually caused by one parent against the other during and/or after a divorce….

A third reason for the IP pandemic is ideological. In these instances, a spouse may be involved, but often it is the decision of the child. This is the newest reason for ignoring parents….

Yes, there are times when a parent is so pathological or evil – or when it is the parent who has chosen to ignore a child – that communication is essentially impossible. But in general, the infliction of such pain on a parent is about as great an act of cruelty as most people will ever inflict on another human being.

If there is a God who gave the Ten Commandments, these people will be judged accordingly.

Parents are commanded to love and to care for their children. An online definition of parental love for their child is “warmth, affection, care, comfort, concern, nurture, support, acceptance, or praise.” When a parent loves their child – and the child feels that love – that love and affection bring a secure attachment between parent and child.

According to research, children who are treated affectionately, held physically close, and spoken to positively feel close to and a part of their family. They show less anti-social behavior, are better adjusted socially, and more compliant with fewer tantrums. They are also stronger cognitively and are better prepared to start school. They learn to express their emotions in appropriate ways, and they form closer relationships with their peers. They can regulate themselves better than children who are not securely attached to their mother.

On the other hand, children are commanded to honor their parents. Then-Elder Dallin H. Oaks of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints taught the following principles having to do with honoring parents. 

The commandment to honor our parents has strands that run through the entire fabric of the gospel. It is inherent in our relationship to God our Father. It embraces the divine destiny of the children of God. This commandment relates to the government of the family, which is patterned after the government of heaven.

The commandment to honor our parents echoes the sacred spirit of family relationships in which – at their best – we have sublime expressions of heavenly love and care for one another. We sense the importance of these relationships when we realize that our greatest expressions of joy or pain in mortality come from the members of our families.

Other manifestations of this commandment include the bearing and care of children, the preparation of family histories, and efforts to see that the ordinances of eternity are performed for our departed ancestors.

When the Lord commanded parents to love their children, He gave no conditions, such as “if they are obedient.” Parents are to love and care for their children despite the personalities, words, or behaviors of the children. On the other hand, God gave no conditions when He commanded children to honor their parents. Whether the parents are good, bad, righteous, or evil, children are commanded to honor them. We can strengthen our families, communities, and nations when we honor our parents and love our children.