Why Are Both Mothers and Fathers Needed?

Strong families have a mother and a father working together for the good of each child, according to Jenet Jacob Erickson at The Deseret News. Strong families are needed for strong communities, states, and nations.

According to research completed by the author, “oxytocin is a ‘bonding hormone’ that floods mothers in childbirth and breastfeeding” is also instrumental in the “bonding processes of fathers.” However, the hormone works differently in the two parents.  For mothers, the hormone involves lots of “cooing and cuddling,” but for fathers, the hormone acts as lots of “tickling and tossing.” What is more, those reciprocal patterns …[go] far beyond bonding.” Erickson gave the following explanation:

It goes without saying there is significant overlap in how mothers and fathers influence children. Both parents can provide nurturing, feeding, stimulation, teaching and guidance crucial for children to become competent adults. But research also shows that mothers and fathers have distinct physiological and psychologically influenced predispositions that contribute to different strengths and styles and styles of interaction with children. When combined, the distinctions create a oneness that uniquely fosters the optimal development of children.

With Mother’s Day this weekend, and Father’s Day next month, it’s worth bringing more attention to some of this. From birth, infants are primed to seek out their mother to form a bond of emotional communication, already knowing her smell, voice and heartbeat. Without any specific training, mothers intuitively match their infants’ emotional state and provide the optimal level of stimulation needed to lay the foundations of personality, self-awareness, attention, empathy, regulation of stress, ability to understand emotions and capacity for intimacy. Maternal sensitivity, a measure of a mother’s responsiveness, attunement and nonintrusiveness, has been identified as the strongest, most consistent predictor of a child’s cognitive, social and emotional development.

The father-child bond is also important, shaping brain development beginning in the toddler years. But fathers more often use playfulness and stimulating physical activity to connect with their children, orienting their children to the outside world, even in the way they hold them like a football. This paternal orientation likewise addresses important developmental needs in children.

In fact, a father’s influence on social-emotional capacity complements a mother’s in critically important ways. Women tend to express all emotions – other than anger – stronger than men, but also tend to be better able to regulate emotions, which bolsters specific nurturing capacities by, for instance, delaying personal gratification, which bolsters specific nurturing capacities by, for instance, delaying personal gratification and inhibiting aggressive responses.

Throughout their lives, children consequently tend to go to their mothers for comfort in times of pain or stress. When fathers respond to children’s emotional hurts, by comparison, they are more likely to focus on fixing the problem rather than addressing the hurt feeling.

This seeming “indifference” to the emotion may not appear nurturing but becomes very useful – particularly as children grow older. Indeed, children tend to seek out and share things with their dads precisely because of their measured, problem-solving responses. The less emotional response actually becomes a strategic form of nurturing in emotionally-charged situations.

Erickson shared numerous other reasons why children need both a mother and a father. If you want to learn more, click here. 

As Erickson emphasized some point in her article, it takes both a mother and a father to create a child. It only makes sense that it takes a mother and a father to rear such a child. Strong families consist of both a mother and a father, and strong families strengthen their communities, states, and nations.