Families, communities, and
nations are strengthened when children are taught to become self-reliant. As I
have written previously, parents are commanded to teach the gospel of Jesus
Christ to their children. One of the commandments is to be self-reliant.
I narrowed my focus to three
different areas of self-reliance: emotional, temporal, and spiritual. Even
though I am no expert in teaching children or self-reliance, I realize that
these three areas overlap a lot and reinforce each other.
Even though I will not share the
personal experiences here that I shared with my ward family, I want to share
some ideas on how to teach self-reliance in these three areas, starting with
emotional self-reliance and then moving on to temporal self-reliance and
spiritual self-reliance.
1. In order for
children to become self-reliant emotionally, they must know that they are loved
unconditionally by their parents. They need to know that their parents
will continue to love them no matter what the child says or does. They need to
know that parents do not stop loving their child simply because the child says
or does mean or hateful things. Even though the parent may be hurt,
disappointed, or angry, they will continue to love their child.
2. In order for children to become
self-reliant emotionally, they need to see the bigger picture. Along with
knowing that they are loved unconditionally, children need to know that many
people love them and are concerned about them besides the people in their same
household. They need to develop personal relationships with their grandparents,
aunts, uncles, and cousins.
3. In order for
children to become self-reliant emotionally, they need positive experiences
more than they need every new gadget. Parents can get more bang from their
buck by sharing special experiences with their children. An example: Instead of
spending all the Christmas money on gadgets, parents should spend some of the
money on special experiences. These experiences could include a skiing trip or
the experience of watching “Nutcracker.” A special birthday experience could
include a special date with only Dad and Mom or a trip to Lego Land with Mom.
4. In order for
children to become self-reliant temporally, they need to learn the importance
of work and how to work. They need to learn the skills necessary to complete
many tasks. They also need to learn to work well with other people. They can
learn the importance of work and working with other people as the family works together
to keep the house clean or to fix dinner and clean up afterwards. Children can
also learn to be consistent in making their bed and picking up their room every
day.
5. In order for
children to become self-reliant temporally, they need to know the value of
education and advanced training. I impressed on my children from the time
that they started school that education was important. I attended every PTA
meeting and every parent-teacher conference. I made sure that they did their
homework and completed assignments. I expected my children to bring home good grades
because I knew they had the ability to do so. I drilled into their heads the
idea that they needed to attend college and that they would need to pay for
their expenses either through scholarships or jobs. Now all of my children have
college degrees with most of them holding advanced degrees.
6. In order for
children to become self-reliant spiritually they must know that they are
children of God and that He watches over them. We must teach
them that Heavenly Father knows them by name, loves them, and wants them to
come back to His presence to live with Him forever; that He sent Jesus Christ
to atone for our sins and to make it possible for us to return; that He sends
the Holy Ghost to help us choose the right. It is critical for each child to develop
this personal spiritual experience with God. The foundation for doing so is
prayer and scripture study, and the best way to teach it is by example.
However, this example does not always come from a parent.
7. In order for children to become
self-reliant spiritually they must be taught the importance of prayer and how
to pray. I do not know how old I was when I became aware that my older
sister was kneeling in prayer each night before she climbed into bed. I had
been taught about prayer, but the teaching was just a theory until I watched my
sister praying every single night. Somehow, her example moved me to action, and
I began praying also. I cannot get through a day or get into bed without
prayer.
8. In order for
children to become self-reliant spiritually they must be taught how to find
answers to their problems through studying the scriptures. We teach
scripture study by precept, example, and sometimes with bribes. Children must
see their parents – or other people that they admire – studying the scriptures
in order to understand the importance of doing so.
9. In order for
children to become self-reliant spiritually they must be taught correct
doctrine. As
we teach light and truth to our children we must be careful to keep the
doctrine pure. We must help our children to base their testimonies on truth rather
than legend or half-truths; otherwise, they will fall away when the going gets too
tough. Knowing true doctrine will not only help our children to become
spiritually self-reliant, but it will also improve their behavior. I love this
quote by President Boyd K. Packer:
“True doctrine, understood, changes attitudes
and behavior. The study of the doctrines of the gospel will improve behavior
quicker than a study of behavior will improve behavior. … That is why we stress
so forcefully the study of the doctrines of the gospel” Boyd K. Packer of the
Quorum of the Twelve Apostles. (“Little Children,” Ensign, Nov. 1986, 17)
To summarize: Becoming self-reliant
has many facets, and I have touched on only a few of them. We can help our
children to become emotionally self-reliant by making sure that they understand
and feel unconditional love, know that they are part of a big family, and enjoy
enriching experiences with loved ones. We can help them development temporal
self-reliance by teaching them how to work and the value of education. We can
help them become spiritually self-reliant by teaching them to communicate with
Heavenly Father, to study the scriptures, and to understand correct doctrine.
Emotional, temporal, and spiritual
self-reliance all go together in one eternal round. When we build a child in
one area, it helps them in another. We cannot go wrong if we love them enough
to teach them how to become self-reliant. A child that is taught to be
self-reliant will grow into a self-reliant adult and strengthen their own
family, community, and nation.