Families, communities, and
nations are strengthened when individuals understand the value of children.
There was a time when families had many children who helped to provide for the needs
of the family. Families have steadily decreased in numbers until the “ideal”
family consists of only two or three children – or even one or none.
Richard and Linda Eyre wrote a
two-part series on the topic of family size and making the decision on having
children. They realize and state several times that the decision to have
children and how many children to have is a decision that should be made
between the husband, wife, and the Lord. Therefore, it is no one else’s
business. However, the Eyres want to make sure that couples understand the seriousness
of the decision.
The Eyres quote New York Times columnist David Brooks as saying, “people are not
better off when they are given maximum personal freedom to do what they want.
They’re better off when they are enshrouded in commitments that transcend
personal choice – commitments to family, God, craft and country.” The Eyres
continue with the following paragraphs:
As birth rates decline, many “macro”
economic problems result from the declining workforce and the “inverted pyramid”
of more and more old people and less and less young people to take care of them
and to pay the taxes and social security that support them.
But the real problem is the micro
problem of more and more adults who have no children and live apart from
children; and who thus miss the greatest joy and learning experiences of life –
not to mention not doing their part to create and build the next generation,
and to keep the world vital and alive.
The article continues by sharing a
few examples of why children are necessary for a healthy world. There are 224
countries in the world, and the birthrate in 116 of those countries is less
than the 2.1 replacement rate. This means that those countries are “running out
of people.” The government of Singapore “now pays a $10,000 bonus to each woman
who gives birth to a child.” These governments are no longer worrying about
overpopulation but are trying to solve the opposite problem – not enough babies
being born.
Members of The Church of Jesus
Christ of Latter-day Saints follow the same trend as the rest of the world.
Most members have an “understanding of the Pre-mortal life and the need for all
of God’s children to experience a mortal existence, [so] we have a compelling
additional reason to bring children into the world.” We understand the
importance of families in Heavenly Father’s plan for His children and our
eternal progression. “Yet we are experiencing the same trends as the world.”
The Eyres end their first article with these paragraphs.
And let us end with two words that we
used earlier but want to re-emphasize. One is “replenish.” Children not only
replenish the earth. They replenish us – they refresh us and teach us and
challenge us and worry us and thrill us to our core. They teach us to love in
ways that are otherwise not even imagined. They refine us. And all of that is
well summarized in the world “replenish.”
The other word is “Joy”. The joy we find
and will continue eternally to find in our children, in our posterity, is the
very joy that Nephi [Lehi] said we became mortal that we might have (2 Ne.
2:25).
It is the joy of responsibility and of
sacrifice, of loving irrationally and unconditionally, of doing everything for
those too small to do anything for us, of seeing new and improved versions of
ourselves, of sharing small triumphs and small heartaches that seem very big,
of raising them until they leave home and then continuing to love them and care
for them until the inevitable day when they start caring for you….
If a reader has not caught the
importance of having children from the first article, the Eyres’ second article
should do the trick. It is titled “Why the State of the Family Matters and What We Can Do About It.” This article begins with a quick review of the main ideas of the first one,
discussing how “most developed countries in the world are now losing population”
and then moves into its own focus.
And with more and more chosen
childlessness, more and more single children by choice, and less siblings and
cousins, the social dynamic changes, as does the emotional resilience of kids.
The interesting question for Church
members is that, in addition to the economic, social and emotional problems of
fewer kids, there also may be a spiritual problem. After all, we believe in a
pre-mortal place where spirit children of God are awaiting their turn at
mortality. Do they wait longer and longer as people have fewer children? Is the
divine timetable threatened?
Trends are hard to buck, but shouldn’t
members of the Church be setting their own trends rather than following the
trends of the world? …
The problem, of course, is that family
is no longer thought of by most of the world as the “basic institution.”
Collectively, we seem to think most of individual rights, not family rights;
individual freedoms, not family sacrifice and commitment; individual concerns
more than family concerns.
But in the Church we should know better!
We know that the Celestial Kingdom is a family kingdom and that the Familial
order is the very government of God. We know that an individual is not a
perfectible entity and that it is eternally married couples and families that
will inherit the top level of heaven. We know that all will have the chance to
marry and to have children either here or in the Spirit World to follow.
Yet we still shy away from talking as
much as we should about marriage and procreation and the stewardship of
children – in a weird form of Mormon “political correctness” we don’t want to
talk about these things in a Church where half of adult members are single.
Actually, isn’t this a reason that we should talk more about it?
The authors make the point that
members of the Church should not be following the world’s example. We have been
taught that “where much is given, much is required” (Doctrine and Covenants
82:3). Therefore, members of the Church should be living differently than people who
do not have the same knowledge. We should be bucking the trends!
One interesting fact about all this
is that childlessness and small families is a first world problem. People in
third world countries are continuing to have large families. As the populations
in first world countries continue to decrease, there will be more and more third
world peoples move in to replace them. Do we really want our nations run by people
with third world mentality? If we do, we better prepare ourselves to become
citizens of a third-world nation! The Eyres end their article with the
following statement and two challenges.
As we emphasized last week, there should
be very individual and unique answers for each family. There is no
one-size-fits-all approach. Each family and each parent and each child has a
particular set of needs and capacities. And of course, we are so aware of the
many couples and single individuals who desperately want children (or more
children) but who don’t have the opportunity for that right now. And the sole
purpose of both of these articles is not to give answers, but to help stimulate
and motivate the right questions – asked in prayer by each unique individual in
each unique situation.
Let us give you two challenges: First,
we challenge you to think about this issue on the macro – what is happening in
the world to families, and why does it matter to us? …
And secondly: We challenge you to
discuss this topic with members of your own family. Are we sucked in by the
trends of the world? Are we thinking of this through the Gospel perspective?
How will lower birthrates in developed countries and higher ones in Africa and
other third world places affect the world? Do you know families who wish they
had had one less child? Do you know families who wish they could have (or had
chosen to have) more? Should the default switch be on or off? Does an
additional child place economic hardships on a family? Are there children
waiting to come into your family? Have you found your own individual answer through
deep thought and prayer?
The Eyres leave us with much to
consider. The choice to have children – or more children – lies with the
husband and wife in partnership with God. Each individual, couple, and family
is unique with its own distinctive needs and abilities. What is right for one
family may be wrong for another. There is no place for us to judge one another.
However, we should each consider our
own position and ask ourselves the hard questions, many of which are stated
above. We can all strengthen our families, communities, and nations by
counseling with the Lord and doing our part in replenishing the world.