Is It Possible to Rear Well-Adjusted Kids Today?

            Families, communities, and nations are stronger when the rising generation are well-adjusted and taught to assume their rightful place in the world. Parents today may wonder what parenting advice to follow and may even become overwhelmed with their parental task. This post is meant to give parents a pathway to follow and hope in their accomplishment.


            Even though there are children and teenagers who are lazy and self-centered, most of them are not. I know many children and youth who are well-adjusted and thriving. Are their parents just fortunate to have good children, or do they know some secrets? I believe that it is a little of both. I believe that my children came to me as intelligent, good-hearted individuals and grew into well-adjusted adults despite my weaknesses as a mother. I know that I did many things that were right and good, and I also realize that I made mistakes. 

I believe that parents can increase their chances of good results with their children by following the advice of a blogger known as The Military Wife and Mom. The first thing that the author wants known is that “Change starts with one parent and one child at a time,” but change must start with the parent. The best time to build a foundation of attributes like “generosity, responsibility, appreciation, warmth, kindness, helpfulness and hard-work ethic” is “during the early years.” She gives “13 simple ways that help raise well-adjusted kids.”

1. Boundaries: “The world is a very chaotic place. Boundaries help your child, not only feel grounded, but thrive.” Set boundaries and stick to them – make your boundary like a wall and not a door that confuses them.

2. Routines: “Routines allow kids to feel a sense of control, something that is very important to a strong-willing child.” Routines “help kids feel ground and relaxed.” A routine can be as simple as eating dinner together as a family or reading before bedtime.

3. Early bedtimes: “One of the most basic things you can do for your kids’ behavior, health and well-being is to help them get the sleep they need.”

4. Empathy: Kids need empathy “to be happy and successful.” Empathy is the ability to “walk in another person’s shoes.” Empathy is a learned behavior.

5. Hugs: “Hugging can instantly boost the level of oxytocin, known as the love hormone.” “We need four hugs a day for survival. We need eight hugs a day for maintenance. We need twelve hugs a day for growth” (Virginia Satir, family therapist).

6. Playful parents: “Play is the work of the child and to connect with our kids, we must play with our kids.”

7. Outdoor time: “Movement through active free play, especially outside, improves everything from creativity to academic success to emotional stability. Kids who don’t get to do this can have so many issues…” (Meryl Davids Landau, author of Enlightened Parenting). 

8. Chores: “Research indicates that those children who do have a set of chores have higher self-esteem, are more responsible, and are better able to deal with frustration and delay gratification, all of which contribute to greater success in school.”

9. More screen-time limits: “In order for the brain’s neural networks to develop normally during the critical period, a child needs specific stimuli from the outside environment. These are rules that have evolved over centuries of human evolution, but – not surprisingly – these essential stimuli are not found on today’s tablet screens. When a young child spends too much time in front of a screen and not enough getting required stimuli from the real world, her development becomes stunted” (Dr. Liraz Margalit, Behind Online Behavior).

10. Experiences, not things: “Children require less things and far more meaningful experiences. When they grow up, it’s not the stuff in their life they will remember…. The best life experiences cost little to nothing…, but they all have one thing in common: you do them together. What kids really want in life is quality time spent with their parents” (Sally White, parenting writer).

11. Slow moving days: “I encourage parents to take some time to just watch their children, whether they are playing, doing homework, or eating a snack. Take a moment to drink them in. Remember and remind yourself how remarkable your children are. That pause alone, even if momentary, can drive a shift in the pace” (John Duffy, clinical psychologist).

12. Books read to them: “One of the most important things parents can do, beyond keeping kids healthy and safe, is to read with them. That means starting when they are newborns and not even able to talk, and continuing well beyond the years that they can read by themselves. Study after study shows that early reading with children helps them learn to speak, interact, bond with parents and read early themselves, and reading with kids who already know how to read helps them feel close to caretakers, understand the world around them and be empathetic citizens of the world” (Amy Joyce, parenting writer).

13. Music: “Science has shown that when children learn to play music, their brains begin to her and process sounds that they couldn’t otherwise hear. This helps them develop ‘neurophysiological distinction’ between certain sounds that can aid in literacy, which can translate into improved academic results for kids” (Time.com).

            The above list of thirteen ways to raise well-adjusted kids may be a little over-whelming to any parents who is not doing them. If you are doing some of them, pat yourself on the back and try to add more of them. It may be impossible to add all the changes at once, but it is possible to add all of them over time. 

I understand that it takes twenty-one days to develop a new habit. This means that all the changes could be accomplished over a period of about one year. The earlier a parent starts to make changes, the easier it will be. I know that it is possible to rear well-adjusted children in today’s world, and I know that we can strengthen our families, communities, and nations by devoting time and energy to rearing our children.