Strengthening Marriage

            Strong marriages are essential for strong families, and strong families are the building blocks for strong communities and nations. There are many actions that we can take to strengthen our marriages. There are also a few actions that we should avoid in order to keep our spouses happy.

            Katelyn Carmen posted an interesting article titled “5 Ways You Are Unknowingly Destroying Your Husband and Killing Your Marriage.” She writes about a wife’s responsibility to “love and care for” her husband. Once the wedding vows have been spoken, each spouse is responsible to assist the other in their “well-being and happiness.” Yet, too often spouses let the small things ruin a wonderful relationship.

            Carmen lists “a few ways” that a wife might “unknowingly” destroy her husband and kill her marriage, but she adds that her article applies to men as well. These are the five ways that wives may be hurting their husbands and marriages: (1) Living outside of what you can afford,

(2) Constant negativity, (3) Putting everything else first, (4) Withholding physical affection, and (5) Not speaking his language.

            This list makes sense because all the items are important and work together with the others. Living outside our financial means brings stress into a marriage. Wives who are unsatisfied with the life provided by her husband makes him feel like a loser. Negativity is bad in any relationship, but it is especially damaging in a marriage where a husband and wife are supposed to become “one.” Negative comments and actions drive a wedge between the spouses and sometimes drive the spouses completely away. When we meet the needs of others or keep ourselves too busy, we do not have any time left for our spouse. The greatest way of showing love is to be available to the spouse whenever needed. This applies particularly in the physical affection and language departments. Frequent intimacy in a marriage strengthens the marriage and makes communication flow easier and better.

            Realizing that marriages consist of both a husband and a wife, Matt Walsh posted an article titled “4 Things That Are Hurting Your Wife and Killing Your Marriage.” He admits that he is “playing off a theme started by another blogger last week,” but he thinks it important to apply his article to men. He writes that this may be “the most important” of all the things he has recently written. He does not claim to be an expert in giving marriage advice but admits to being “very much in the thick of it, and very much struggling to be a good man and a decent husband in his own right.” He believes that “it’s more important to talk about these things than it is to talk about politics or world affairs.”

            Here are the most prevalent and most relevant ways, in Walsh’s view, that husbands are damaging their wives and destroying their marriages: (1) Pornography hurts both wives and marriages because it is the equivalent of adultery. The wife feels “betrayed, used, and violated.”

(2) Laziness: husbands should do their share around the home and not leave all the work and responsibilities to the wife. (3) Passiveness may accompany laziness, but not always. “Men are called to be leaders in the home.” A husband should not be “apathetic to the spiritual and emotional welfare of his family.” (4) Immaturity destroys marriages because marriage takes two mature adults to make it work. While a certain amount of recreation and play are necessary in our lives, there are other necessities to be considered also.

            The Lord said that we should “cleave” unto our spouses and love them with all our hearts. When we truly love another person, we do not treat them negatively or as if they do not matter. We make them feel special and wanted. We take care of their needs and make sure that they know they are important to us. Wise husbands and wives will pay attention to the suggestions made by Carmen and Walsh and used them to strengthen their marriages. Strong marriages make strong families, communities, and nations.