Families, communities, and nations are stronger when parents teach their children how to behave responsibly. According to revelations from God to His prophets, parents have a sacred duty to teach their children to obey the commandments of God as well as the rules of home and society. The Lord also said that He will hold parents accountable for discharging their obligations. (See "The Family – A Proclamation to the World".) Much of this blog post comes from the parent education course taught by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, Strengthening Families.
Teaching children to accept
responsibilities in the family is not a one-time task. It takes repetition and
consistency day in and day out for weeks, months, and years of teaching with
vigilance and affection. Children need to be held accountable by loving and
trusting parents. They need to be taught to work responsibility by working
along beside us and by working alone.
The time to begin teaching children
is when they are infants because children are born with a natural desire to
learn. There is a bond that develops gradually between parents and child as
they repeatedly interact with each other. This relationship is an ideal climate
for learning, and children gradually absorb their parents’ way of doing things
by watching and listening.
Childhood and adolescence could be the
most crucial time in an individual’s life. It is during these years that youth
acquire values, attitudes, and habits that will guide their behavior for the rest
of their life. This is a good time for parents to teach proper values and
responsible behavior to their children in ways that invite cooperation rather
than rebellion.
There are at least six principles
that can help parents to teach correct principles more successfully to their
children. The first principle is “Teach by Example.” President David O. McKay
described example as “the best and most effective way of teaching.” Elder Delbert
L. Stapley said the following about example: “A wise man, when asked to list
three cardinal points that exemplified the lives of the great teachers of all
time and that would be a guide to new teachers, said: ‘First, teach by example.
Second, teach by example. Third, teach by example.’”
The second principle is “Give
Children Responsibilities.” Many parents tend to overindulge their children and
shield them from the responsibilities they once had to go through – experiences
that helped them become capable adults. When parents give goods and service
without requiring much in return, their children lose motivation to become
self-reliant and responsible – and they become lazy, selfish, and
self-indulgent. Elder Neal A. Maxwell taught, “Those who do too much for their
children will soon find they can do nothing with their children.”
The third principle is “Clarify Expectations.” Sometimes parents assume their children know exactly what is expected of them and then are disappointed when their unstated expectations are not met. Clearly expressed expectations remove uncertainty and disappointment, thereby strengthening the parent-child relationship. The following steps can help in a variety of relationships by making expectations known: (1) Clarify in your mind what you want. (2) Choose a good time to make your request. (3) Be positive and specific. (4) Show what you mean. (5) Give lots of positive feedback.
The fourth principle is “Teach Responsible
Behavior One Step at a Time.” Children need to be taught to perform simple
actions that are steppingstones to the behavior expected of them as adults.
Children may need progressive steps to learn such things as respecting others,
using good manners, cleaning a room, or doing yard work. Behavior can be broken
into simple, achievable tasks, according to the age and capabilities of the
child. For example, a child can be taught to pick up toys before learning how
to clean an entire room. With patience and ingenuity, parents can help their
children become cooperative, helpful, and responsible individuals, preventing
many problems as children mature.
The fifth principle is “Give
Choices.” Children do not like to be ordered around any more than adults do.
Children start to resist when orders are given, but they cooperate more readily
when they can choose between two acceptable alternatives. “I would like you to
pick up your clothes before you go out to play this afternoon. Would you like
to pick them up now before the bus comes, or as soon as you come home from
school?” The options are limited, but children can make a choice, which helps
them take responsibility. When parents allow their children to choose, the
parents should ensure that the choices they offer are acceptable to them as
parents.
Children are not always eager to embrace new
changes that require them to behave responsibly. Be prepared to hear phrases
such as “That’s not fair,” “Why do I have to do this?” “Other parents don’t
make their kids do that,” or “You don’t care about my feelings or you wouldn’t
make me do this.” Parents should not be manipulated by such comments. They need
to be consistent in the matter of choices.
The sixth principle is “Engage
in Family Activities.” The teaching efforts of parents will be enhanced as they
engage in activities with their children. Children who work and play alongside
their parents are more likely to incorporate the teachings and example of their
parents in their own lives. Parents should plan activities that are meaningful
and enjoyable for everyone. Work and play can both be satisfying when parents
foster good relationships with their children.
President James E. Faust emphasized the
importance of teaching children responsible behavior: “If parents do not
discipline their children and teach them to obey, society may discipline them
in a way neither the parents nor the children will like. … Without discipline
and obedience in the home, the unity of the family collapses.”
Greater peace and happiness
come to families as parents lovingly teach children to obey the commandments of
God and the rules of home and society. By teaching responsible behavior to their
children, parents can strengthen their family, community, and nation.
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