What Should Be Done About Bullying and Gaming?

Families, communities, states, and nations are stronger without bullies or bullying. Bullying takes place in schools, but it also takes place in businesses and companies. The husband of one of my nieces committed suicide because he was being bullied at work. In addition, my children dealt with bullies as have several of my grandchildren. In other words, bullies and bullying are personal for me.

Lois M. Collins posted an article recently at The Daily News concerning bullies and bullying. Keys points from her article are: (1) Bullies and their victims have a lot in common, all of it bad. (2) The effects of bullying can linger into adulthood for both bully and target. (3) Cyberbullying is different but may cause even more harm than schoolyard bullying. 

Both bullies and the people they target have higher levels of anxiety and depression, lower self-esteem, reduced academic performance and more absenteeism, elevated suicidal ideation and other challenges.

“It’s bidirectional,” said Robin Kowalski, psychology professor at Clemson University….

“Longitudinal research shows that, clearly, involvement in either type of bullying does magnify these effects. But we also know that kids who have some of these tendencies – anxiety and depression and things like that – also can set themselves up to be involved in bullying others.”

The consequences of bullying in childhood and adolescence also extends years into the future, Kowalski said of research that suggests the cycle can be replicated in adulthood in realms like the workplace or even at home.

And speaking of home, Kowalski was part of research that found 80% of siblings who were studied had been bullied by a sibling. [Where is the line between such things of innocent teasing or joking between siblings and bullying?]

The schoolyard bully who picks on someone at school or a sibling who does that at home are “traditional” bullies. And parents who have a child involved in traditional bullying, whether as the bully or the victim, should wonder seriously whether the behavior spills over into the second type, which is cyberbullying, said Kowalski. And in that, too, someone can be in either role. One can be the bully or the one being picked on….

Someone who’s been targeted may find their own form of power online, where anonymity can help as well, Kowalski added. “So there’s overlap and involvement in the two types of bullying and then enmeshed within that is that you’ve got people who are perpetrators of both types. And you’ve got people who are victims of both. Or a victim of one type who perpetrates the other type.”

The outcomes of both traditional and cyberbullying are similar and include the previously mentioned problems.

There are also some gender differences, but girls may get away with bullying more than boys do, though they can inflict just as much harm. Boys are more likely to engage in physical bullying, and girls are often more indirect, gossiping and spreading rumors or engaging in similar “mean girl” behavior.

In cyberspace, it’s not clear who bullies more based on gender….

There’s a difference between bullying, even in cyberspace, and just being toxic, according to Christine Waanders, a psychologist on Kidas’ scientific advisory board who also consults with the Center for Violence Prevention at Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia. Bullying is targeted and happens again and again, whether it’s online or in the school yard…. [Emphasis added.]

Waanders said that cyberbullying may have greater impact than traditional bullying. “It makes kids more anxious because they can’t escape it. In person, you can go home.”

Online, kids replay things over and over, share them, stream them, bring them up repeatedly, Kerbs said. You change schools and someone finds what happened online and it follows you.

That it’s worse online assumes, however, that the traditional bullying isn’t physical. Regardless, bullying doesn’t have positive effects.

Often, kids won’t tell their parents they’re being bullied, whether it’s in person or in cyberspace. Kowalski said some young people may not even realize they are being bullied or that they’re in reality bullying others. They may consider harmful behavior in cyberspace benign, though it’s not. But research clearly shows that kids who experience cyberbullying do not tell their parents and many parents do not know how to see what’s going on “or even how to search the local history of their kid’s computer,” she said.

Parents are sometimes very poor at monitoring or recognizing harms….

While parental monitoring is recognized as protective for cyberbullying, overdoing it can itself be a punishment. And it’s also not easy to keep track of what’s going on, especially with kids who are gaming….

Tackling bullying is also a way to teach children about sportsmanship, said Waanders. In sports, including online, for instance, trash talking can be light and funny and not go after a person’s character. Or it can be demeaning. Children must learn social skills to do the former.

Taking away the right to play ignores that young people today are digital natives and that’s one way they socialize…. To remove that venue, however protective that might be in the short term, is in essence sort of revictimizing the child….

Kowalski refers to “psychological mattering” as a remedy for many aspects of troubled behavior … refers to helping people of all ages, not just kids, realize that they are significant….

She believes that helping others feel like they matter could reduce mass shootings….

“But I believe that people who feel like they matter certainly don’t bully other people because they want to facilitate mattering in others,” she said.

Schools are one place [where] a difference could be made, added Kowalski. Schools are naturally protective or a risk factor for bullying of either type….

As for shootings and violence, Kerbs notes that research has debunked the notion that children who play shooting games are likely to become real-life shooters.

According to Waanders, parents should help their children with the online world and set appropriate boundaries. She added that “gaming equipment, computers and in general the online lives of children and teens” should be kept in “places where they can be monitored.”

Parents should also realize that “a kid’s passion for gaming” can help to develop valuable skills. Kerbs indicated that “Roughly 800 colleges offer gaming scholarships.” My son once said that video games helped him to develop skills that he uses as a medical doctor.

Wise parents will watch for signs of bullying, while at the same time recognizing that moderate gaming can develop skills for future use. By doing so, they can strengthen their family and help to strengthen their community, state, and nation.