Why Should Young Couples Marry Early?

Families are stronger when young couples marry early and thrive together. To clarify, “early” means age 20 to 25, not as teenagers. Kasen Stephensen, an engineer, shared his experience and why he considers “early” marriage to be ideal rather than waiting to become financially or professionally established first. 

In sociological research, this perspective [waiting to become established first] is known as the “capstone” conception of marriage. Adherents see marriage as a culminating achievement sought after some time exploring sexually, establishing a financial base, and maturing. As the median age at which Americans get married for the first tie has crept steadily upwards for the last 40 years – to almost 29 for women and just over 30 for men – this perspective has become the de facto norm.

While this seems like a reasonable approach, it comes with two major risks. First, it assumes that one can successfully get “established” before getting married. With soaring home prices, record student debt, persistent inflation and a competitive job market, obtaining the independence or financial stability thought “necessary” may be perpetually out of reach for many individuals, particularly among the working class. Secondly, waiting until an indefinite later can force one’s hand when biological and social deadlines converge in the early 30s….

[Comparing dating in 20s to playing musical chairs:] This scramble for seats can be mitigated by deliberately planning backwards and examining an alternative model of marriage called “cornerstone” marriage. In this model, marriage is less an achievement and more a foundation for life. Instead of merging two settled individuals, it emphasizes the intertwining of two budding people – generally between the ages of 20 and 25 – who can traverse their formative years together.

I believe that many young Americans who wish to one day marry do not fully examine the merits of the “cornerstone” framework because they suspect marrying earlier is linked to worse outcomes. This suspicion is correct, but only for teen marriages (18 and 19-year-olds), who have higher risks of dissatisfaction and divorce. Research from the National Marriage Project at UVA demonstrates that there is no significant difference in reported marital satisfaction or divorce rates between earlier marriages (between the ages of 20 and 24) and later marriages (after 25). In fact, there appear to be optimal outcomes in sex, finances and psychology for those who marry earlier.

For example, one study found that men and women who married earlier reported significantly higher rates of sexual satisfaction than those who married at any other age. This finding directly conflicts with contemporary perspectives on sex: men are told by the “manosphere” that marriage is a trap and that they should maximize the number of sexual partners while minimizing emotional attachment. Women are encouraged to reap the rewards of decades of feminist progress and experience all they can, including meaningless sex.

It’s possible that those who marry earlier are more sexually satisfied precisely because they opt out of this contemporary hookup culture. Several studies have shown that having more premarital sex partners is linked to “worse communication, higher infidelity rates, and even lower sexual quality during marriage.” For those who value marriage, it seems reasonable that maximizing the number of sexual partners is probably harmful.

Additionally, research has documented that sexual satisfaction can be significantly higher within committed relationships, especially for women. Overall, this suggests that the premarital sexual exploration commonplace today may actually undermine the sexual satisfaction many are seeking; satisfaction that an early marriage can provide.

There are also financial benefits to getting married in your 20s. One causal study found that merging bank accounts increases marital satisfaction: couples fight less about money and feel better about how finances are handled. For those who marry earlier, their finances will be modest at best, and the merging of bank accounts can be more straight-forward than the fortunes of mid-30s professionals. They can also co-create financial habits and expectations together, rather than having to merge established lifestyle and spending habits. Marriage is as much the merger of wallets as it is of hearts.

An early marriage offers an income boost as well. Married people of both genders tend to earn more than single people in similar age brackets, an observation called the “marriage premium.” Recent research hypothesizes it is driven by having a partner when looking for work….

Outside of work, life itself presents challenges which may be better weathered with a committed partner. Life is better with someone by your side who can share the expenses and chores, difficulties and challenges, and celebrations and wins…. By marrying early, you gain a partner you can grow with, someone you can support who also supports you. The “affectionate wing” of a loving spouse can create the stability that allows both individuals to flourish.

… I would today comment that considering marriage in your 20s isn’t about limiting options or settling down prematurely. It’s about intentionally incorporating a committed partner into your vision of a fulfilling life. By seeking marriage earlier rather than postponing it indefinitely, you’re not just avoiding the frantic musical chairs of your 30s – you’re creating the opportunity to dance through life’s challenges and triumphs with someone who loves you, supports you and helps you grow.

Young adults should seek to marry in their early twenties – between 20 and 24 – and grow together sexually, emotionally, spiritually, and financially. Such young people can and do establish strong marriages that strengthen their family, community, state, and nation.