Facts of Life

Families are strengthened when adults give the facts of life early, factually and without embarrassment. Children need to be taught appropriately about sex from the time they are babies, and young people need honest and direct answers to their questions about sex and babies. Children, teenagers, and young adults need to be taught by precept and example the importance of dressing modestly and appropriately for the occasion.

The subject of our Relief Society lesson last Sunday was the law of chastity. Since the teacher believed that class members did not need to be taught this law, she used the occasion to discuss the importance of teaching this law to our children and grandchildren. The first topic that came up was the importance of teaching children about sex from babyhood. A new sister in our ward said that she taught classes on how to avoid sexual assault and claimed that children need to know facts about sex before nine years of age. I was a little disbelieving at first, but I understood and agreed with her when she explained that even babies can be taught the proper names for the parts of the body and little children can be taught to dress modestly. When parents teach the facts of life reverently in the home, children are strengthened in their abilities to deal with the irreverence that other children deal with the sacredness of procreation process.

This sister's young adult daughter shared her conviction for early teaching and appreciation for the efforts of her parents. She highlighted the need for early teaching when she said that fifth grade students in her elementary school were experimenting with sex. Her words reminded me that my oldest daughter came home from sixth grade asking some very serious questions about sex. Some of her classmates had shared a description of the sex act with her, and she didn't believe them. She came to me for confirmation that they were wrong, and she became angry with me when I confirmed that her classmates were telling her the truth. She was angry with me because I had not taught her the facts of life earlier. I tried to be more diligent in teaching my other children, but I probably fell short of what I should have taught them.

Another topic of discussion that took a large portion of the class time was modesty of dress. A mother of a teenage son explained that she and her husband were chaperones at a school prom in recent months. Her son asked a young Catholic girl to the prom and explained to her the importance of wearing a modest dress. When he picked her up for the prom, she was dressed in a strapless dress but thought it was modest because she wore a shawl over it. The young man immediately realized that the dress was not modest and apparently said, "My mother's going to kill me!" The young woman spent the entire prom clutching her shawl and trying to cover her bare skin. This mother continued in describing the dresses of other young women of her acquaintance, all of which were immodest. She came to the conclusion that our young women do not understand the meaning of modest dress.

I remembered my efforts as a mother in trying to teach my own daughters to dress more modestly. I realize now that they didn't understand the importance of modesty or even what it means. Whenever I sewed anything for them, I encouraged more modesty, but I still didn't consider their prom dresses as modest. I usually redesigned the pattern in order to make the outfit as modest as possible, and I always added an inch or more when I hemmed their dresses to bring the hems closer to their knees.

I also remembered my own experience at a high school prom about fifty years ago. At the time I was in high school, prom dresses consisted of a lining of taffeta covered with ruffles and more ruffles of gathered netting with straps made of lots of gathered net. I remember that I felt quite bare in my dress because it was the most immodest thing that I had ever worn in public besides my swimming suit. All the other girls at the dance were dressed in similar dresses except one girl. Out of all the dresses at that prom, there is only one dress that I remember - including the one I wore. This young woman chose to wear a modest dress - a round and becoming neckline, simple and short sleeves, a fitted bodice, and a floor-length skirt - in a beautiful, medium blue. I was very impressed by this young woman and her dress and wished that I had been wearing a more modest dress. In later years I wished that my parents had helped me to understand how I could be more appropriately and modestly dressed. As a side note, this gorgeous young woman became Days of '47 Queen just a few years later. If I ever have the opportunity to meet this woman again, I plan to tell her of my respect for her modesty.

Another young woman in Relief Society shared with us how the bishop of her ward at college visited the Relief Society one day to talk about why it was important for the young women to dress more modestly. He told the young women that he had already spoken to the young men, but he wanted to talk to the young women also. He told them of the effect that immodest dress has on young men and how seeing too much skin on a girl arouses improper feelings in young men. He told the young women "Don't tempt my young men by dressing immodestly!"

I was very impressed when I read that the Philadelphia Mayor Michael A. Nutter spoke about appropriate dress and hygiene for young people. After his city endured the results of a recent flash mob of mostly young, African-American youth, Mayor Nutter told the marauding black young people, "Take those God-darn hoodies down, especially in the summer. Pull your pants up and buy a belt 'cause no one wants to see your underwear or the crack of your butt.
"If you walk into somebody's office with your hair uncombed and a pick in the back, and your shoes untied, and your pants half down, tattoos up and down your arms and on your neck, and you wonder why somebody won't hire you? They don't hire you `cause you look like you're crazy. You have damaged your own race."

Children, teens and young adults are strengthened and better prepared to face the tests of life when they have been taught appropriately about sex and reproduction as well as the need to dress modestly and appropriately for the occasion. Parents and leaders can strengthen families and society by teaching modesty and the facts of life early, clearly and appropriately.

Modesty

Families are strengthened when parents teach modesty to their sons and their daughters by word as well as by example. When parents teach and model modesty, children usually follow their example.

Modesty has been described as "an attitude of propriety and decency in dress, grooming, language, and behavior." In other words, a modest person does not "draw undue attention" to themselves. It has been my experience that how we dress affects how we act.

My daughter brought her family to visit a few weeks ago. While they were here, I polished my little five-year-old granddaughter's fingernails and toenails. Her parents entered the room while I was in the process and voiced some minor objections. I told them that I thought they were being silly about painted nails causing their little girl to become sleazy because I had painted nails as a child and I stayed modest. Even though I brushed off their worries, I have pondered often on the situation. My main concern was whether or not I undermined their authority, but a secondary concern was the same as their concern.

I believe that if parents teach and model modesty, their children will eventually do the same. I remember an experience that happened many years ago when my daughter was in high school. She left the house one afternoon to prepare for a dance at her friend's house. I discussed with her what she would wear to the dance, and she explained that she was borrowing a dress from her friend. I apparently didn't ask about the modesty of the dress, and she didn't volunteer any information. Upon her return from the dance, I asked about her experience. She laughed and replied that she had spent the evening doing the "prom pull." When I questioned what she meant, she explained that she spent the entire evening pulling up the strapless dress she borrowed. After her experience, she had no further desire to wear a strapless dress, and she dresses modestly to this day.

When parents do not know the importance of modesty or do not care about it, they tend to follow the examples they see on television or in the movies or yield to peer pressure - and allow or encourage their children to do the same. I have seen many examples of the following experience written about by LZ Granderson on CNN.com: "Her beautiful, long blond hair was braided back a la Bo Derek in the movie `10' (or for the younger set, Christina Aguilera during her `Xtina' phase). Her lips were pink and shiny from the gloss, and her earrings dangled playfully from her lobes.
"You can tell she had been vacationing somewhere warm, because you could see her deep tan around her midriff thanks to the halter top and the tight sweatpants that rested just a little low on her waist. The icing on the cake? The word `Juicy' was written on her backside.
"Yeah, that 8-year-old girl was something to see alright. … I hope her parents are proud. Their daughter was the sexiest girl in the terminal, and she's not even in middle school yet."

Why was an 8-year-old girl allowed to wear a halter top and tight sweatpants - especially in a public place? Did the parents purchase the clothing or did they send their daughter to the mall by herself? What do those parents hope to accomplish by allowing their daughter to dress like a tramp?

Granderson asked, "What adult who wants a daughter to grow up with high self-esteem would even consider purchasing such items? …
"And then I remember the little girl at the airport. And the girls we've all seen at the mall. And the kiddie beauty pageants.
"And then I realized as creepy as it is … the fact remains that sex only sells because people are buying it. No successful retailer would consider introducing an item like a padded bikini top for kindergarteners if they didn't think people would buy it. …
"It's easy to blast companies for introducing the sexy wear, but our ire really should be directed at the parents who think low rise jeans for a second grader is cute. They are the ones who are spending the money to fuel this budding trend. They are the ones who are supposed to decide what's appropriate for their young children to wear, not executives looking to brew up controversy or turn a profit. …
"Friends bow to peer pressure. Parents say, `No, and that's the end of it.'"

I don't appreciate seeing adults wearing sexy clothes. I don't see any need for women to be flaunting their cleavage for everyone to see. I certainly don't think it is attractive to see butt cheeks hanging out from under too-skimpy shorts. And I don't like to see teenage boys' underwear showing at the top of their low-hanging jeans! I don't see any reason why children should be dressing like tramps and sluts! The way we dress tells others what we think about ourselves. If we have high self-esteem and know we have value, we will dress to show that we feel that way. Is the sleazy dress code among our children and teens affecting their school work? Is the "dress code" to blame for the poor education in our nation?

Athelia LeSueur and her friend Emily Bell MCormick could not find modest dresses - so they decided to design and market them. They launched an on-line boutique called Shabby Apple. LeSueur said, "Immodesty disempowers women.... When women dress respectfully, they are given respect. Dressing modestly communicates to others that one deserves to be treated as a person with a mind and a strong sense of self." (See BYU Magazine, Spring 2011, p 69.)

It is time for parents to act as parents and to teach their children by word and by example to dress modestly. Modest dress brings better behavior, and better behavior helps our children to be safer. This is why I state that families are strengthened when parents teach and model modesty.