Why Should Parents Apply Negative Consequence or Positive Rewards?

             Families, communities, and nations are strengthened when parents successfully apply negative consequences for misbehavior and positive rewards for good behavior. Children and teenagers learn as they make everyday choices and experience the consequences of their choices. Parents who apply consequences correctly can help their children to learn responsible behavior. Much of this post is based on “Session Nine Applying Consequences” in the Strengthening the Family parent education course. 

Freedom of choice and agency give all people the right to make choices. However, no one can choose the consequences for their choices. When people make bad choices, they receive negative consequences. When they make good choices, they receive positive rewards. When people keep the commandments of God, work hard, and obey the laws of society, they have greater opportunities to be productive and successful. If they are lazy or disobedient, they are not prepared to succeed.

According to William Damon, director of the Stanford Center on Adolescence, the actions of many parents encourage self-centeredness and irresponsibility in their children (Greater Expectations: Overcoming the Culture of Indulgence in Our Homes and Schools). These parents attempt to bolster their children’s self-esteem by telling them how terrific they are without requiring anything substantive from them (Greater Expectations). This unmerited praise often results in lazy, demanding, disrespectful, undisciplined children and teenagers. Permissive parents require little of their children, providing few or no consequences for disobedience or failure to perform.

            For my lesson this week, I watched two videos about applying consequences. One was titled “Teaching Not Punishing: Effective Negative Consequences,” and the other was titled “Positive Behavior Strategy: Effective Positive Rewards.” Even though the purposes of negative consequences and positive rewards are different, they have the same components to make consequences effective. Here are five steps to remember when applying consequences: (1) Immediate: Whether you apply a negative consequence or a positive reward, it should be done immediately or on the same day. (2) Degree or Size: The negative consequence or the positive reward should match the size of the unwanted behavior or the desired behavior. (3) Consistent: The negative consequence or the positive reward should be given each time that the behavior happens. (4) Important: The negative consequence or the positive reward should be meaningful to the child. (5) Variation: Whether it is a negative consequence or a positive reward, there should be a variety of consequences or rewards for a given behavior.

            According to the lesson material, there are some principles that can help parents know how to use consequences appropriately with their children.

1. Recognize and Acknowledge Appropriate Behavior

Children tend to repeat behaviors that draw their parents’ attention. According to Latter-day Saint parent educator Glenn Latham, “Parents typically ignore 95–97 percent of all the appropriate and good things their children do. But if a child misbehaves, parents are 5–6 times more likely to pay attention to that behavior” (Glenn Latham, What’s a Parent to Do? Solving Family Problems in a Christlike Way, 116).

When parents only respond to negative behaviors, no one should be surprised when the children misbehave. Parents can reinforce desirable behavior by showing interest in what their children do and by interacting with them in a positive way—smiling, expressing gratitude, or giving a pat on the back. Praise should be genuine and directed at the child’s behavior and its value to the parents and others.

2. Allow Children to Experience Appropriate Natural Consequences

Natural consequences automatically follow actions. For example, a child who fails to study for a test usually gets a lower grade. A teenager who gets a speeding ticket must pay a fine. Individuals learn quickly from natural consequences because the consequences occur in spite of protests or arguments against them. If parents protect their children from natural consequences, such as paying their traffic fines for them, they deprive the children of valuable lessons.

Natural consequences may harm children who are too young to understand them. For example, a toddler must be protected from touching a hot stove or walking alone by a stream of water or playing in a busy street.

However, parents can allow a younger child to experience minor natural consequences, such as breaking a toy by defiantly banging it against the sidewalk or ruining a marker by refusing to put the lid on it. In such cases, children can learn best from consequences if they have been taught the rules and understand the natural consequences that will occur as a result of breaking the rules.

 

3. Apply Logical Consequences

Logical consequences are imposed by parents in a way that is logically connected to a child’s behavior. For example, a child who acts up during dinner may be asked to leave the table until he or she is willing to eat quietly. Logical consequences work best when they: (1) Make sense to the child. (2) Indicate respect for the child. (3) Require the child to pay a price.

 

Parents should impose them in a firm and friendly manner—not in anger—or the consequences will invite resentment. Parents can also use consequences that may seem less logical, such as taking away the privilege of watching television when their children have not done their work. The connection has to do with work and privileges. Watching television is a privilege that is earned by being responsible. A child who is irresponsible can lose a privilege.

 

When implementing consequences, parents should focus on being in control of their own behavior rather than on controlling their child. Parents should tell the child what the parents are going to do, not what the child will do, which is beyond their control.

 

In all cases, consequences should be imposed in an atmosphere of love and kindness. Consider the statement from Doctrine and Covenants 121:41–42: “No power or influence can or ought to be maintained . . ., only by persuasion, by long-suffering, by gentleness and meekness, and by love unfeigned; by kindness, and pure knowledge, which shall greatly enlarge the soul without hypocrisy, and without guile.”

 

4. Give the Child Responsibility

When confronting problem behavior and before imposing a consequence, parents are often wise to discuss the problem with the child, asking the child how he or she is going to correct the problem. The question is important because it allows the child to take responsibility for solving the problem. Children are more likely to improve their behavior when they help identify the course of action they should take. If a child refuses to engage in this kind of conversation, the parents should proceed with the consequence.

5. Let the Consequences Do the Teaching

When parents apply consequences, children sometimes react with anger and want to argue. The best learning occurs when parents say little but follow through with the consequences. If the connection between the infraction and the consequence is clear, the child will feel responsible and learn from the experience. However, if the parents impose a consequence and then argue about it with the child, the child will focus on winning the argument and will lose sight of the reason for the consequence. Likewise, yelling and moralizing usually won’t work; they will only provoke resentment in the child. Parents should let the consequences do the teaching. The teaching power of consequences is illustrated in the following example of a four-year-old child and his parents.

6. Use Time-Out

Time-out is a consequence that is most effective with children ages three to eight. It involves moving a child from a disruptive situation to another room or area where the child does not receive attention.

Time-out is especially helpful for children who are easily distracted. It does not help destructive children who are in a power struggle with their parents. These children may be too upset to sit in a chair or stay in a room. If forced to comply, they may damage or destroy property or household furnishings.

Time-out teaches the child a controlled, nonviolent way of handling problems. When parents take a child to time-out, they should remain calm and kind, remembering that “a soft answer turneth away wrath” (Proverbs 15:1). The time spent away from the family should be the only consequence.

This approach should not be used by angry parents who would drag their children to the designated room as punishment. When parents resort to tantrum-like behavior and say things that hurt the child, they unwittingly teach and reinforce inappropriate behavior. Paul urged Church members, “Provoke not your children to anger” (Colossians 3:21).

7. Seek Agreement in Advance on Rules and Consequences

Generally, parents have a better relationship with their children when the children understand and consent to family rules and consequences. Family councils, family home evenings, and personal interviews are great times to involve children in discussing family rules, the rationale behind them, and the consequences for disobeying them.

When a child agrees to a rule and then breaks it, the parents can remind him or her of the rule and the consequences. Parents can express genuine empathy that privileges have been lost. Then the child is less likely to view the consequences as punishment.

            Once the rules are discussed and agreed upon by parents and children, further discussions, and                negotiations at the time an infraction occurs are unnecessary and may encourage manipulative                ploys by children to avoid responsibility for their behavior. While parents should usually impose             the agreed-upon consequences, they should be guided by common sense and adjust as new and             relevant information comes to light.

8. Use Good Judgment

Minor misbehavior does not warrant the use of consequences. Talking with the child may be sufficient. Obnoxious but harmless behaviors are best ignored. Children will give them up more readily when such behavior is disregarded. Attention may only reinforce negative behavior.

President James E. Faust of the First Presidency taught the importance of love and of recognizing differences in children when disciplining them:  

 Child rearing is so individualistic. Every child is different and unique. What works with one may not work with another. I do not know who is wise enough to say what discipline is too harsh or what is too lenient except the parents of the children themselves, who love them most. It is a matter of prayerful discernment for the parents. Certainly, the overarching and undergirding principle is that the discipline of children must be motivated more by love than by punishment” (President James E. Faust, Ensign, Nov. 1990, 34).

The important responsibility that parents have in rearing their children cannot be overstated. This statement from President Faust underscores the importance of teaching and of being good parents:

While few human challenges are greater than that of being good parents, few opportunities offer greater potential for joy. Surely no more important work is to be done in this world than preparing our children to be God-fearing, happy, honorable, and productive. Parents will find no more fulfilling happiness than to have their children honor them and their teachings. It is the glory of parenthood. John testified, “I have no greater joy than to hear that my children walk in truth” (3 John 1:4). In my opinion, the teaching, rearing, and training of children requires more intelligence, intuitive understanding, humility, strength, wisdom, spirituality, perseverance, and hard work than any other challenge we might have in life. This is especially so when moral foundations of honor and decency are eroding around us. To have successful homes, values must be taught, and there must be rules, there must be standards, and there must be absolutes.

Many societies give parents little support in teaching and honoring moral values. A number of cultures are becoming essentially valueless, and many of the younger people in those societies are becoming moral cynics.

As societies as a whole have decayed and lost their moral identity and so many homes are broken, the best hope is to turn greater attention and effort to the teaching of the next generation—our children. In order to do this, we must first reinforce the primary teachers of children. Chief among these are the parents and other family members, and the best environment should be in the home. Somehow, some way, we must try harder to make our homes stronger so that they will stand as sanctuaries against the unwholesome, pervasive moral dry rot around us. Harmony, happiness, peace, and love in the home can help give children the required inner strength to cope with life’s challenges (President James E. Faust, Ensign, Nov. 1990). 

God has given the responsibility to rear their children in love and righteousness, and He will hold all parents responsible for their parenting successes or failures. (See “The Family: A Proclamation to the World.”) However, every person who comes into this world was given the gift of agency by Heavenly Father, and He will hold individuals who have reached the age of accountability (age eight years) accountable for their choices. 

Remember, we have the freedom to make choices, but we cannot choose the consequences of those choices. Elder Boyd K. Packer said it this way, “We are free to choose what we will and to pick and choose our acts, but we are not free to choose the consequences. They come as they will come.” Families, communities, and nations will be stronger when parents teach responsible behavior by applying negative consequences for misbehaviors and positive rewards for good behaviors.

Why Do Schools Keep Important Information from Parents?

             Families, communities, and nations are stronger when parents are involved with schooling. However, some schools are not be open and honest with parents. Nicole Russell has an article at The Daily Signal about a case in Wisconsin where a school district was deceiving parents, but a judge issued an injunction.

The Madison Metropolitan School District, which is Wisconsin’s second-largest school district, was sued by 14 parents to stop the schools from withholding information from parents. They are supported by Alliance Defending Freedom and Wisconsin Institute for Law & Liberty.

The lawsuit was filed because the Madison school district instituted a policy that kept important information from parents.

Russell wrote that the policy “promotes transgender ideology in the schools” and also “allows teachers to conceal pertinent information that students share” with them. The “latter part of the policy” was “specifically about gender dysphoria – or a student’s desire to ‘identify with’ the opposite sex – even if the child’s parents were unaware or disapproving.” The teachers cannot share this information with the parents unless the child signs a consent form.

The judge was right to issue an injunction because the policy was unusually devious from the start. It was in no way ad hock, accidental, or innocent: If a child approached a teacher about wanting to quietly transition to the other gender, the teacher was required to fill out a “Gender Support Plan.”

Under the federal Family Educational Rights and Privacy Act, parents can see all school records about their children, but the law excludes teachers’ personal notes from parental review. Thus, the school district instructed teachers to put any information about gender identity there, so parents would not be able to see the notes, even under federal law.

The district’s policy specifies: “School staff shall not disclose any information that may reveal a student’s gender identity to others, including parents or guardians and other school staff unless legally required to do so.”

            Russell admitted that “Most school are open and transparent” and most teachers are anxious to “brag on a child’s success or tattle on poor behavior.” This was not the case with the Wisconsin school district, and the judge was right to put a stop to it. Parents should be involved with their children’s education, and they need open and honest communication from the school about anything that affects their children. When parents and schools work together for the good of the children, families, communities, and nations are strengthened.

Is It Time to Pass School Choice and Provide Vouchers for Education?

             Families, communities, and nations are stronger when children receive adequate education. This is the time of year when millions of school children head back to school. However, 2020 is not a normal year, and most parents are faced with many challenges as they seek to find the best school solution for their children.

            Some parents have joined the already large numbers of families where children and teens are home schooled. Others are opting for online learning even though their child’s school will have in-person classes. Still others are planning to send their children back to school. According to Kay C. James at The Heritage Foundation, the circumstances are right to adopt school choice.

The good news is, there has never been another time in America so ripe for school choice. Wouldn’t it make sense if parents could take a portion of the money that state and local governments spend to educate their children and use it to seek alternatives – like private or parochial school, online education, home schooling, co-ops, or other options?

            James continued by reminding her readers that the taxpayer dollars that are allocated for public education “are meant for the education of students. As such, those dollars should actually fund students, not empty school buildings.” She added that states and school districts “have an obligation to ensure children have access to other educational opportunities.” She said that the average price per child that taxpayers pay for K-12 public education is $14,000. If school buildings remain closed, some of the expenses will disappear – such as janitorial service – and other costs will be less – such as water, sewer, heat, and electrical. James suggested that parents should be given an option to use part of the money to fulfil the obligation to educate students.

School choice seems like an especially critical option as teachers’ unions across the country protest school reopening.

Unions want schools to remain closed until their lists of demands are met, yet many of their conditions have absolutely nothing to do with ensuring the safety of children and teachers during the pandemic.

Demands include such things as forcing landlords and banks to cancel rent and mortgage payments for individuals, keeping private schools closed, and blocking vouchers for school choice.

            The demands of a school district in Los Angeles, California, include keeping schools closed until “Medicare for All” is passed by Congress, police are defunded, charter schools are closed, and more housing provided for the homeless. What do any of these demands have to do with safely reopening schools?

            The correct answer is “nothing.” However, liberals have made clear that they will not let any crisis go to waste. James recognized that “Some teachers’ unions are shamelessly using schoolchildren and the reopening of schools as bargaining chips to push their unrelated social policy agenda.” She said that “True school choice would mean that parents and students wouldn’t have to be held hostage by political demands.”

            James and I agree that the conditions for reopening schools should center “teacher and student safety and providing children a quality education.” Political agendas should be put to the side, and decisions should be “based on the science and a school district’s ability to consistently follow health and safety protocols.”

            Every parent should have a clear choice as to how to educate their children and to keep them safe from the coronavirus. If teachers and/or school districts refuse to provide such education, they should no longer receive funding from taxpayers. We may be able to strengthen families, communities, and the nation more if we have school choice.

Teach the Christmas Story

            Families, communities, and nations are strengthened when parents teach the nativity story to their children. The story of Mary and Joseph traveling to Bethlehem and the birth of Baby Jesus in a stable fascinates little children and inspires older ones. One excellent way to teach the Christmas story is by acting out the nativity story.

            My family has acted out the Christmas story for more than forty years. We started when we had a three year old, a two year old, and a new baby, and we continue to this day. In fact, our children and their children continue the tradition in their homes. The family in Texas invites friends to join them for Christmas Eve dinner and the nativity, and the three families in Utah get together to do the same.

            We normally invite friends to join us for Christmas Eve festivities, but we will have a quiet family Christmas this year. I took my final exam for the semester today, so I have not had any time to prepare anything elaborate. My husband’s health is bad enough that he does not feel like doing anything, and my daughter-in-law is in the process of doing chemo to fight brain cancer. With my son working full time and working on a Masters’ degree in addition to the carrying the full burden of home duties, none of us have much energy for partying.

            So we became even more creative about the nativity than we usually do when we have a small group. We asked the group in Utah if we could join their nativity by Facetime. We will all be in costume and act out the part at the appropriate time. My son in Utah works Christmas Eve, so they are doing their Christmas Eve activities on Sunday evening. This will be a change from usual, but life is full of changes these days.

            I encourage you to teach your family about the birth of Jesus Christ. If you choose to perform a play about the story, here is a site with a couple of child-friendly scripts. One of the scripts are for smaller children, and one is for older children. If you are creative, you may wish to write your own script. One year our family had a television reporter that did interviews with the various participants of the story. I must say that it is one of our most memorable ones!

            This site has some ideas about extending the Christmas story over a period of days or weeks. It has several links for family home evening lessons on the topic as well as some ideas for doing the Twelve Days of Christmas and other Christ-centered activities.

            Whatever you choose to do and however you choose to do it, I can guarantee that Christmas will be more special because you do it. I know that you can strengthen your family, community, and nation by teaching the Christmas story about the birth of Jesus Christ to your family. This practice is a wonderful tradition that binds family members together for generations.

Teach Patriotism

                Teaching patriotism in our homes can strengthen our families, communities, and nation.  Since the family is the core unit of our society, what we teach in our homes will have a great effect in the world around us.

                In 1976 Robert K. Thomas and Shirley Wilkes Thomas wrote an article in honor of the 200^th anniversary of the founding of the United States.  The title of their article is “Declaration of Dependence:  Teaching Patriotism in the Home.”  I discovered the article recently and found it very interesting as well as very appropriate to our nation today. 

                The article began, “Citizenship may be more than a matter of birth or formal naturalization.  For unless one truly promotes the common welfare of his country, he is an alien in the oldest sense of that term - that is, estranged from his fellows.  Citizenship is a declaration of dependence upon one another, a recognition that only in unity is there strength and a security that is moral as well as physical.  The natural expression of that identification and that security is patriotism.  As with many other attitudes, patriotism is easy to feign.  Its usual expressions, such as saluting the flag or acknowledging the civil rights of others can be little more than gestures.  Yet, at their best, the outward manifestations of patriotic feeling can be deeply satisfying and binding symbols.

                “The heart of patriotism, however, lies in attitudes that are rooted in family relationships, for the family unit, in microcosm, undergoes most of the stresses which test the larger societies that make up a nation.  The qualities that distinguish patriotism are all of the `homely’ variety:  respect, integrity, loyalty, self-sacrifice, consideration, fairness, appreciation, and devotion.  No exhortation to respect his country’s flag can mean much to the youngster whose casual, permissive upbringing has left him with little respect for anything.  And the child who equates freedom with indulgence may never understand the consideration for others that is fundamental to a workable democracy.”

                The article suggests several ways to teach patriotism.  I particularly like the idea of using the Bill of Rights to teach our children.  “Formal study of the Constitution of the United States often begins in grade school, but the guarantees of personal freedom that the first few amendments detail should come as no surprise to the young student who has seen the Bill of Rights demonstrated and respected in his own home.  In fact, several thoroughly enjoyable and informative family home evenings could be spent in relating the Bill of Rights to family responsibilities and relationships.  If not all of these basic amendments are directly applicable to the home, a surprisingly large number of them are precisely meaningful in a family context.  For instance, Article IV talks about the rights of privacy and personal possession which citizens of the United States should be able to count on.  Using this as a starting place, parents might well involve their children in a frank discussion of the responsibilities as well as the privileges of having one’s own room – or even one’s own record player.

                “As one develops pride in being accountable for personal possessions, he becomes able to appreciate the property rights of others and, finally, to accept appropriate responsibility for the upkeep of the parks, roads, and national preserves which he holds jointly with his countrymen.  One sure sign that patriotic lessons are being learned is family sensitivity to litter in the areas that are part of the public domain.”

                The article reminded me of several ways parents can teach patriotism.  I come from a large family of twelve children, and my family lived in a small home with little personal privacy.  Each child had one or possible two dresser drawers that were sacred. Our parents insisted that we respect the privacy of our siblings and parents by staying out of their dresser drawers.  This simple lesson – emphasized over and over – taught me to respect the property and privacy of other people at an early age

                Another personal example happened this summer when my daughter brought her four children to visit for a few weeks.  My four-year-old grandson calls the Stars and Stripes “the America.  Each morning when I put the American flag out, my grandson insisted that we say the pledge of allegiance to the flag, and he knew the pledge.

                I encourage you to read the entire article, which ends:  “We arm our children against those who would demean patriotic sentiments – or even constitutional government itself – by demonstrating our own identification with those political, economic – and especially – religious principles upon which this nation is founded.”

                When we understand and live patriotism, we can teach our families in word and example to love and appreciate our nation.  By teaching patriotism, we can strengthen our families, communities, and nations.

Spirit of Elijah

                Families, communities, and nations are strengthened by the spirit of Elijah.  Members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints often hear of the spirit of Elijah; millions have been touched by that same spirit as they search out their ancestors and do temple work for them.  While answering the call of the spirit of Elijah, they are unifying and strengthening their families.

                The promise of the spirit of Elijah is found in the scriptures:  “And he shall plant in the hearts of the children the promises made to the fathers, and the hearts of the children shall turn to their fathers” (Doctrine and Covenants 2:2; see also Malachi 4:5-6; 3 Nephi 25:5-6; Doctrine and Covenants 110:14-15)

                People have worked on family history for close to two hundred years.  The work was slow until new technology opened up amazing ways to make it quicker and easier to do.  A recent Ensign article by Carol Brennan Moss of the Family History Department shed some light on the subject.  “The website FamilySearch.org was introduced to the world in May 1999.  It was an instant success, experiencing more than 1.5 billion hits by October of that year.  Back then, users could perform a basic search for an ancestor in limited databases and compiled genealogies ….  Today we can search over 3.5 billion records in databases containing actual images of records, add sources to individuals in our family trees, and directly process temple work on FamilySearch.org.  The new features of adding photos and stories to our family members on the tree enable individuals young and old to become instantly engaged in the work.  Their hearts turn as they discover pictures of their relatives and read facts about them in both record and story forms….”

                My husband’s sister did not complete her temple work during her life on earth, and we gathered the necessary information to do the work for her.  We found some interesting hurdles to get over before we could take her name to the temple but eventually completed the task.  We performed the necessary temple work that is essential to her eternal happiness.

                Individuals and families can get involved in family history work; the rising generation is particularly adept doing the work because of their computer skills.  All ages enjoy reading the stories and seeing the pictures of their ancestors.  The spirit of Elijah can unify families here on earth and help all of us learn about our loved ones who have passed on to a better life.  Family, communities, and nations are strengthened when they have the spirit of Elijah.

Eat Healthy Food

                We can strengthen our families, communities, and nations by studying and learning about the effects of food on our health.  Common sense tells us that healthy food helps our bodies to be healthier.  Is it possible that the food we eat is causing some of the diseases that are popping up?  I think it is possible.

                I have always tried to prepare healthy foods for my family and always included the proper food groups in all their meals.  The four food groups were changed to a pyramid; then the pyramid was changed enough times that I no longer know what is recommended.  When my husband was diagnosed with diabetes several years ago, we changed our diet drastically to cut the number of carbohydrates.  Then he contracted an auto-immune disease, and I began looking for ways to change his diet even further. 

                I heard about the new “fad” of juicing but did not pay much attention to it – even when members of my family began juicing.  In fact, I did not consider juicing at all until several different people mentioned it to me during a period of just a few days.  Several of them recommended some videos about juicing and eating whole foods, and I watched the videos.  I began to wonder if juicing might solve some of my husband’s health issues and help me lose some weight. 

                I spent several months researching juicers and watched family members use their users.  I knew that juicing had to be easy or I would not do it for very long.  I also knew that I would not deal well with a mess or excessive clean up time.  I finally made my decision and purchased a juicer about ten days ago.  I started making juice for myself and am now drinking it twice a day.  At first, my husband refused to have anything to do with it.  After a few days I gave him a small amount to taste.  He drank it but complained about its look and taste.  He has never liked vegetables – calling them “rabbit food,” but I continue to feed them to him as many times each day as possible.  I put vegetables in his breakfast omelet as well as a salad for dinner.  He did not like the idea of drinking more of them.  One day he told me not to make any juice for him – so I did not.  When I poured the drink into my cup, he wanted to some. 

                My husband has not yet mentioned anything good happening to his body since we started drinking juice.  I have noticed that the juice fills me up more than the foods I ate previously.  I have also noticed a great decrease in my desire for bread.

                Since I am so very interested in healthy food, I paid particular attention when I heard a doctor explain how a change in diet helped her manage her daughter’s autism.  I quickly wrote down the web site – Unblindmymind.org - http://unblindmymind.org/ for Dr. Katherine Reid, Ph.D. so I could learn more.  From her web site I linked to an article by Maria Grusauskas where I found the following information. 

                Dr. Reid is a biochemist.  When Brooke, her three-year-old daughter, was diagnosed with “moderate” autism, she began researching everything she could about the developmental disorder.  Some of the characteristics of the disorder are “communication and social impairments, seizure-like behavior, and extreme sensitivity to light and sound” – all of which Brooke suffered from. 

                According to Dr. Reid, “Autism is a pervasive developmental disorder, which means that there are so many different areas of the brain that it hits, and how it manifests itself in each child is different.”

                Dr. Reid said, “It was difficult to integrate her into any mainstream setting.  Even like going to a park, because you just didn’t know if this seizure-like behavior was going to flare up and it was really hard to explain.”  Three years later, Brooke is doing well in mainstream kindergarten.

                What made the difference?  Dr. Reid credits diet with the change.  Knowing that the food we eat has “profound effects on our brains,” Dr. Reid analyzed the food she was giving to Brooke and eventually removed all monosodium glutamate (MSG) from her diet. 

                The changes began by adding nutritional supplements such as magnesium, Vitamin D3, Omega 3 fish oil, and B-Complex vitamins.  With these additions, Dr. Reid “observed eye contact coming back, and minor improvements, but still autistic, still special needs, not functioning very well in the mainstream environment.”

                The next step was to follow a practice among parents of autistic children:  remove all gluten and casein, a milk protein added to many foods.  Again there were slight improvements.

                Dr. Reid read in a blog that she needed to be careful with MSG and found it in many foods.  “I was shocked.  It’s all over the place in our foods, and it’s not being labeled as monosodium glutamate; it’s being labeled as almost healthy things, as natural flavors, for instance.  So you can have a food labeled 100% organic, all natural, no MSG added and still, that food item contains a significant amount of MSG.”

                Ms. Grusauskas explained that it is “the `free glutamate’ in MSG, produced when gluten, casein and other proteins are processed, that are slipping into almost every processed food out there, including juices, flavored teas, and even toothpaste.  It appears in `natural foods’ as protein powders, yeast extract, hydrolyzed proteins, extracted proteins and other forms, and it’s added not as a preservative, says Reid, but to make us think that food tastes better.”

                Dr. Reid stated, “It actually doesn’t have any taste in and of itself, but it’s a chemical that’s causing a brain reaction that’s making us think it tastes good.  It’s binding to the glutamate receptor, and it’s exciting our neurons.”

                Since the autistic brain is “already hyper-stimulated,” the MSG wreaks “havoc”.  “Once we became aware of the marketing gimmick going on here and the disguise, and removing it really ended up removing a lot of processed foods, she was a new kid.”

                Dr. Reid feeds Brooke a diet “made up of primarily fruits, vegetables, organic meats, and raw nuts and seeds.”  The change in Brooke’s diet “reduced the noise, the light was no longer an issue, any room sound hat was going on didn’t bother her, and she was able to absorb like a sponge.”

                Ms. Grusauskas finds it “interesting” that “pharmaceutical drugs currently in clinical trial for treating autism and other brain disorders like Alzheimer’s Disease, block the glutamate receptors in the brain.”

                My nephew has a son who is autistic so I know a little of the stress in such families.  John is now an adult and living in a group home.  I do not know if he is considered “moderate” or “severe,” but knowing him and his struggles has made me acutely aware of autism.  Since he was diagnosed approximately twenty years ago, I have wondered much about autism.  One of the things I have questioned is why so many more children seem to get it now.  Dr. Reid’s experience presents other questions, such as can we help John by changing his diet even though he is now an adult? 

                Statistics about the prevalence of autism, according to the Centers for Disease Control are as follow:   1) About 1 in 68 children has been identified with autism spectrum disorder (ASD); 2) ASD is reported to occur in all racial, ethnic, and socioeconomic groups; 3) ASD is almost 5 times more common among boy (1 in 42) than among girls (1 in 189); 4) Studies in Asia, Europe, and Nor America have identified individuals with ASD with an average prevalence of about 1%.  A study in South Korea reported a prevalence of 2.6%; 5) About 1 in 6 children in the United States had a developmental disability in 2006-2008, ranging from mild disabilities such as speech and language impairments to serious developmental disabilities, such as intellectual disabilities, cerebral palsy, and autism.

                News articles today report that Dr. Reid’s research and experience may answer one or more of my questions:  The prevalence of autism could be caused by what we are feeding ourselves and our children.  Now I wonder how many other diseases are being caused by the food we eat.  It is so much easier – and usually cheaper - to buy processed foods than to purchase fresh produce and prepare our own food.  We must lessen or stop the use of processed foods and feed our families more healthy food – fruits, vegetables, raw nuts and seeds, organic meat, etc.  I know that all of us can be healthier and thus stronger by eating healthy food; when we are healthy and strong, we can strengthen our families, communities, and nations.

Be Prepared

                Families, communities, and nations are strengthened when each of us practice preparedness.  When we practice preparedness, we prepare our homes and our families to be self-reliant in any emergency.  True self-reliance involves preparedness physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and financially.  We can prepare for emergencies – whether personal, community, or national.

                This site lists ten ways to be prepared for a total breakdown of society.  I am not sure I support all the suggestions but will list them.  1) Build a surplus of food that will sustain life and that you will rotate regularly; store at least enough food to last three months, preferably longer.  2) Build a support group of neighbors, church members, and other people in your neighborhood.  We are more apt to survive a disaster if we are surrounded by like-minded people.  3) Build an electric fence about fifteen feet tall around your property.  4) Learn to hunt by buying a gun, learning correct safety measures; learn how to shoot a moose (or whatever), gut it, skin it, and process the meat.  Having accompanied hunters on numerous hunting expeditions, I know that all this takes great skill in order not to waste the flesh.  5) Gain some life skills, such as gardening, sewing, carpentry, mechanical, etc.  These skills could be used to barter for items you do not have.  6) Make your own bio diesel.  7) Build a greenhouse.  A greenhouse is helpful in starting seeds and lengthening the growing season.  8) Learn how to garden and practice growing food on your own property – backyard garden, pots on a deck, etc.  I have a large raspberry patch but stopped gardening until last summer.  All of a sudden, I realized that I needed to know how to sprout seeds and grow plants.  I am particularly interested in having plants in my yard that will come back each spring such as raspberries and rhubarb, but I am also learning how to grow annual plants also.  I really enjoyed having fresh lettuce and tomatoes from my own “garden.”  9) Store some water.  We need to store one gallon of water per person per day.  It may be a good thing to prepare to collect rain water and purify it.  10) Get solar power panels for your roof.

                The items on the above list that I would prioritize are 1) food storage, including foods that do not need to be heated or cooked, 2) water storage, 3) skills of all types, and 4) tools for gardening, building, repairing, etc.  I would add a source of heat and cooking and an emergency supply of cash in smaller bills.

                I believe the above physical preparations are very important for survival, but I also believe that being prepared emotionally, mentally, and spiritually are also important.  Are you tough enough mentally or emotionally to go through hard times?  Are you spiritually strong enough to keep your spirits alive and maybe strengthening other people?  When the Mormon pioneers were crossing the plains to the Salt Lake Valley, particularly the Willie and Martin handcart companies, many people died along the way.  Some of the people that died simply gave up – quit.  Do you have the stamina to keep going when faced with hard things?

                With a little effort, we can practice preparedness and be prepared for whatever life throws at us.  By planning ahead and preparing for emergencies, we can strengthen our families, communities, and nations.

Family Narrative

                We can strengthen our family, community, and nation by developing a strong family narrative.  A family narrative is the story of the family or a family mission statement.  A family narrative helps a child understand that he or she is part of something bigger than himself or herself.

                The New York Times published an interesting article by Bruce Feiler about this topic.  “… What is the secret sauce that holds a family together?  What are the ingredients that make some families effective, resilient, happy?” 

                Feiler explained that there has been much research in recent years into making teams work together better but most of the knowledge generated by the military and businesses remains in the military circles or the business circles.  Feiler spent several years “trying to uncover” the information in order to help his own family as well as other families.  As he interviewed numerous people in different circles, he discovered a surprising theme:  “develop a strong family narrative.”

                Feiler first heard this idea from Marshall Duke, a psychologist at Emory University, who was asked in the mid-1990s to “help explore myth and ritual in American families.”  The professor and his associates were “more interested in what families could do to counteract” the breakdown in families.  About the same time, Duke’s wife Sara, a psychologist “who works with children with learning disabilities.”  She noticed that her students “who know a lot about their families tend to do better when they face challenges.”

                Doctor Marshall Duke and his colleague, Robyn Fivush, decided to test Sara’s hypothesis and “developed a measure called the `Do You Know?’ scale that asked children to answer 20 questions” such as “Do you know where your grandparents grew up?  Do you know where your mom and dad went to high school?  Do you know where your parents met?  Do you know an illness or something really terrible that happened in your family?  Do you know the story of your birth?”

                Dr. Duke and Dr. Fivush questioned four dozen families during the summer of 2001 and even “taped some of their dinner table conversations.”  The doctors compared the results of the interviews with the results of several psychological tests taken by the children and “reached an overwhelming conclusion.  The more children knew about their family’s history, the stronger their sense of control over their lives, the higher their self-esteem and the more successfully they believed their families functioned.  The `Do You Know?’ scale turned out to be the best single predictor of children’s emotional health and happiness.”  The doctors were stunned with the results.

                About two months later terrorists attacked the United States on September 11, 2001.  Even though they were “horrified” like the rest of us, they recognized that the terrible event gave them “a rare opportunity” to do more research.    They returned to the families who were previously interviewed.  None of the families were “directly affected by the events,” but “all the children had experienced the same national trauma at the same time.”  The researchers reassessed the children and discovered that the children “who knew more about their families proved to be more resilient, meaning they could moderate the effects of stress.”

                The research proved that knowing simple facts about their family - such as where their grandmother went to school or how their parents met or their own birth story – helps “a child overcome something as minor as a skinned knee or as major as a terrorist attack.”  The reason why this knowledge helps children is that it helps them to understand that they are “part of a larger family.”

                Feiler learned that other people “found similar results.  Many groups use what sociologists call sense-making, the building of a narrative that explains what the group is about.”  This is usually accomplished by building traditions that unify the group.  Families can do the same type of things, whether it is about celebrating a holiday or where the family goes on vacation.

                “Decades of research have shown that most happy families communicate effectively… `talking through problems’ [as well as] … telling a positive story about yourselves.  When faced with a challenge, happy families, like happy people, just add a new chapter to their life story that shows them overcoming the hardship.  This skill is particularly important for children, whose identity tends to get locked in during adolescence.

                “The bottom line:  if you want a happier family, create, refine and retell the story of your family’s positive moments and your ability to bounce back from the difficult ones.  That act alone may increase the odds that your family will thrive for many generations to come.”

                My children and their spouses spend much time, effort, and/or money making happy memories for their children.  Instead of throwing lavish birthday parties for their children, they seek special experiences that the children will remember and know how much they are loved.  The event may be a children’s play or it could be a camping trip – any reasonable activity that is wholesome.  The activity can be a solo date with the parents or a family activity; it just needs to be something extra special.

                My children also go out of their way to take their children to family events, such as family reunions, missionary farewells or homecomings, and celebrations of any type.  Their children understand that many people love them and are interested in their wellbeing.

                I know that we can strengthen the rising generation by helping them to understand that they are part of something bigger than themselves.  I know that by strengthening our children we can strengthen our family, community and nation.