This week is not even half over,
yet it is already emotionally draining. I learned Sunday evening that the
husband of my young niece suddenly passed away. Not even 48 hours passed before
I learned this morning that a nephew is on life support and will be taken off
of it by next Monday. We do not know when my nephew will pass away from his
lung cancer and other health problems, but we know that it will be fairly soon.
As I pondered my niece’s situation –
a young widow with three small children and a high-risk pregnancy – I thought
of little else than how a husband’s death would affect any of my daughters. I
felt great empathy for my niece and her little family, and I wanted to reach
out to her in love and support to help her through this difficult experience.
Then a different thought came to me.
Without taking anything away from this young widow or any other widows, I
marveled at the difference in attitudes between this niece and one who recently
filed for divorce. Each marriage started with a young couple deeply in love who
went to the temple to have their marriage sealed for time and all eternity. In
one case, the husband passed away. In the other case, the marriage died.
Without knowing any of the intimate
details about either marriage, I believe that both young women are in similar
circumstances and are desperately in need of ministering. However, this does
not usually happen for a number of reasons. Family members are immediately
alerted to a death, but a divorce takes place quietly without much
notification. Both death and divorce leave behind much damage, but it is
usually different kinds of damage.
Whatever the problems, the survivors of both
death and divorce have need for love and support. This is not the first death
or the first divorce in the family, but all of them have followed similar
paths. Why is it that a divorce is a hushed up matter, but a death is a time of
gathering and expressing love? Particularly since both death and divorce leave behind
broken individuals and new paths to tread.
My thoughts went elsewhere today
after learning of the expected death of my nephew. I pondered the circumstances
surrounding the two deaths. One death was sudden and without warning, whereas the
other one has been on the back burner for years. The first gave no opportunity
for closure, whereas the second nephew has an opportunity to exchange affection
and goodbyes with loved ones and friends. There are other differences in the
two deaths that will have lasting effects on the survivors. Yet both widows
will be surrounded by friends and family members as they move into the next
phase of their lives.
I thought also of the difference in
support offered to those people with physical illnesses and that proffered to
those suffering from spiritual sickness. When we hear that a ward member or
neighbor has been diagnosed with cancer, we are right on the spot with offers
to provide transportation to doctor appointments or with a casserole. However,
an acquaintance can die spiritually without many people taking notice. Why is
it that we are so afraid to assist when a person is spiritually ill?
All this pondering has given me much
to consider. I hope that I will be more kind and understanding to all those who
lose spouses for whatever reason. I hope that I will be able to minister to
them more and to do it without being judgmental. I also hope that I will be
more sensitive to the difficulties of all people, whether they are suffering
from the death of a loved one, a divorce, a physical illness, or a spiritual
sickness. It does not really matter why people suffer because they still need love,
support, and ministering.
No comments:
Post a Comment