Families, communities, and
nations are stronger when parents maintain their parental authority. Many of
today’s children and teenagers are usurping the rights and authority of
parents, and their mothers and fathers are assisting them in doing so. There is
an important reason why Heavenly Father put fathers at the head of the family
and mothers as the heart of the home. They are to work together in unity to
lead their families in righteousness. Fathers and mothers are given the
responsibility to love, teach and care for their children, not to develop a
friendship with them.
Recently I came across some
information about this subject in my personal scripture study. I was reading Isaiah’s
words that were quoted by Nephi in the Book of Mormon – Another Testament of
Jesus Christ. I believe that Isaiah was speaking of the people in his day, but
I feel that he was also describing our day.
4 And I will give children unto them to
be their princes, and babes shall rule over them.
5 And the people shall be oppressed,
every one by another, and every one by his neighbor; the child shall behave
himself proudly against the ancient, and the base against the honorable.
12 And my people, children are their
oppressors, and women rule over them. O my people, they who lead thee cause
thee to err and destroy the way of thy paths.
Clearly, Isaiah was saying that
children were ruling – or exerting power - over their parents and probably
other people. We all know parents who allow their children to make the rules and
decisions for the family – everything from what they eat for dinner to when
they will go to bed. I have a grandchild who was allowed to usurp the power of their
parents soon after birth. We were together for dinner one evening when the
mother said, “We are leaving because ____ wants to go home.” I questioned her
at the time, “Are you allowing an infant to make the decisions for your family?”
but did not get a reply. The family left, but the pattern continued. Years
later, the parents are still trying to wrest their authority away from the
child. It is a power struggle that did not have to happen.
The above scripture verses remained
in my mind for several days after I read them. Then I came across an article
titled “Fighting Over The Judgment Seat” by Nicholeen Peck. She “is an author and public speaker who has been teaching parenting principles around the world since 1999. She is
the founder of Teaching Self-Government. She is a mother of four and previous
foster parent of many difficult and troubled teens.” She has been teaching
parenting self-government skills for 19 years.
Peck starts her article by comparing
parents to righteous kings, queens, judges, and priests who sat in judgment
seats throughout history. All of these “authorities” – including parents – were
upheld in their judgment seats until they became unrighteous. Then it became “popular
to try to take over the judgment seat by telling those in authority what and
what not to do.” She reminds us that “corrupt or power-hungry” people have
always tried to usurp the power of their leaders. History and the Old Testament
are full of such instances. Peck moves from kings and judges to parents when
she states the following.
A righteous parent, king or judge
desires in their heart to follow the ways of God. In homes around the world,
judgment seats are being taken over by children who aren’t concerned with the
ways of God but with the ways of the world….
Why are children taking over their homes
and parents? First, children are disconnected from home and family because they
are too connected to social norms, peers and digital devices. Second, families
are falling away from righteousness. When parents embrace their own ideas as
ultimate truth, children follow suit and think their ideas are also the
ultimate truth. This naturally leads to family conflict. Only when a family
follows God’s ways will they be unified in purpose and action. Third, parents
are second-guessing their authority.
The world has filled parents’ heads with
plans to empower, inflate, entertain and be competitive with their children.
Parents aren’t told to correct their children. In fact, when parenting gets
rough, most parents just back off…. Parents have given up their parental
authority, which is the same as giving up their judgement seat.
Without a righteous leader in the
judgement seat, the people or family will perish….
Peck continues with the example of
Napoleon and the French Revolution. Napoleon was a “strong-willed child” who
was “dutifully controlled by his mother.” He was taught “to value obedience”
and was aware that she had great influence on him. Her influence was such that
he noticed its absence in later years. “When Napoleon `said that the great want
of France was mothers, he meant, in other words, that the French people needed
the education of homes, presided over by good, virtuous, intelligent women.’” (Character by Samuel Smiles). Peck
continues her article as follows.
The first French Revolution showed what
happen when children are neglected by their mothers. Samuel Smiles said of the
time, “Morals, religion, virtue were swamped by sensualism. The character of
women had become depraved. Conjugal fidelity was disregarded, maternity was
held in reproach; family and home were alike corrupted. France was motherless;
the children broke loose; and the revolution burst forth, `amidst the yells and
fierce violence of women.” (Character
by Samuel Smiles)
Peck states that the above “description
of the French Revolution is ominously familiar with modern times” and asks
where the parents are. She says that the world is in need of mothers and
fathers, but the discussion is about mothers. When mothers fail to fill their
responsibility, society makes mothers to take their place.
Society has manufactured mothers,
thereby negating the need for natural nurturing. In 1838, author Lydia H.
Sigourney wrote that there were mothers and “heathen mothers.” These “heathen
mothers” were influences that tried to control the minds and hearts of
children. She questioned why “heathen mothers” were more dutiful in their
mothering tasks than real mothers. The “heathen mothers” were always there for
the child, taught, corrected, led and seemed to never tire. Why, Sigourney
wondered, would a mother allow other influences to script the hearts of her
children?
That is a very good question: Why do
mothers and fathers allow other people to gain the hearts of their children. Children
and teenagers all over the world are in need of mothers and fathers who accept
their parental authority and responsibilities – to be judges to fill the
judgement seats of the home. Peck states, “We must preserve and protect the
role of parents in order to save the children.”
We live in a world at war. There are
the “wars and rumors of wars” that take place between nations and even
political parties. There are also wars in our homes between parents and children
who desire to usurp parental authority. The way to win the war in our own home
is to preserve and protect parental authority and to raise our children in
righteousness. By doing so, we can strengthen our own home and family as well
as our community and nation.
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