Creating a Happy Marriage

            Families, communities, and nations are blessed by happy marriages, but a happy marriage does not suddenly appear. In fact, it does not happen unless both partners are working for it. Some members of the rising generation know of the struggles between their parents and are fearful of marriage. Others believe that one must find the perfect marriage partner or sole mate in order to have a happy marriage. 

            The following post on Instagram by Elder David A. Bednar may be of help to such people or others who are wondering how to create a happy marriage. 

I often emphasize the truth that you do not simply “find” the marriage you hope to have. Rather, you create it.    

     

If you believe you can find a “perfect companion,” you will spend a lot of time searching for a person who does not exist. You should strive to become your best self and to strengthen your faith in and devotion to the Lord Jesus Christ. Then you will more likely attract an eternal companion who will honor covenants, keep the commandments, and love the Lord.

When you and your spouse remain steadfast on the covenant path, you will have heavenly help to create the marriage you hope to have.

Part of a happy marriage is benefitting from the differences between men and women – to receive strength through and be blessed by differences. We might think we want our spouse to have the same attitudes and qualities that we do, but differences actually strengthen our marriages. When we understand our divine roles, traits, and distinctive capacities as men and women and build on those, we bring strength to our marriage.

            Elder Bednar tells us that we do not “find” a happy marriage but we can “create” one. He also said that we do not “find” the perfect companion but strive to become the type of person we wish to marry. As people tend to attract others who are like them, we will attract the same type of person that we become. Elder Bednar shared a similar message in October 2013 on Instagram.

To any young adults contemplating dating and marriage, please remember: you do not find the perfect partner or the perfect marriage you hope to have; you create it. As an agent, blessed with moral agency, you create the marriage, the family, and the happiness you hope to have, line upon line, precept upon precept, pressing forward along the covenant pathway.

            While speaking at a 2016 date night at BYU-Idaho with her husband, Sister Bednar cited President Gordon B. Hinckley when she added, “You make the comfort and the well-being of your spouse your highest priority.” Elder Bednar said the following: 

You do not find the marriage you hope to have, you create it. Creating it implies some of the work that’s required. A male and a female are supposed to complete each other and complement each other. If you take those characteristics of a female and of a male, then joined together they create a whole….

In a world with technology, many young people engage in an endless search for that perfect person which will guarantee, “I won’t have that heartache in my life.” Question, if you found that perfect person, why would he or she want to marry you?

It is up to each individual to become the kind of person that someone with the characteristics he or she wants in a spouse would be attracted to.

There is no perfect mate, there is no soul mate. Get to work and quit worrying about it.

            Elder and Sister Bednar tell us that we can create happy marriages and homes without being perfect ourselves or finding the perfect mate. We do not have to come from happy homes in order to create a happy home of our own. We do need to determine the type of marriage that we want, become the type of person that we wish to marry, and follow the promptings of the Holy Ghost. We can bless our families, communities, and nations by creating happy marriages.