What Kind of Parent Are You?

Families are stronger when parents seek to balance their demands and their responses to their children. There are four basic types of parents: authoritarian, authoritative, permissive, and uninvolved. Team Beenke described the four different types of parents. 

Authoritarian parents are demanding, but not responsive…. big believers in setting rules for children to follow, but not much interested in taking their kids’ point of view into consideration…. very strict and controlling … tend to use punishment instead of discipline…. So rather than teaching a child how to make better choices, they focus on getting kids to feel “sorry” for their actions and be obedient.

Children … are at a higher risk of having low self-esteem because their input and opinions aren’t valued … can be well-behaved and do well in school, but … become skilled liars in order to avoid punishment. Children … may also grow up to be anxious adults … [and] … higher levels of depression.

Authoritative parents seek a balance between a child’s desire for freedom and their need to be listened to. These parents are both demanding and responsive; meaning they have rules and consequences but they also consider their child’s opinions…. use a positive discipline model where they focus on problem solving and strategies to reinforce good behavior… sets high expectations, but also values open communication with their child…. ultimately in charge, they make the effort to understand and support their kids as well.

Authoritative parents is widely regarded as the most effective of the different parenting styles. Children … tend to be more happy and successful … helps kids develop a sense of independence. The focus on open communication makes kids feel comfortable expressing themselves and they tend to do better in social situations as a result. These kids are also more likely to be good at evaluating risks and making decisions.

Permissive parents, while loving and accepting, make few demands of their children… lenient and may worry about stopping a child’s creativity by interfering… tend to give kids what they ask for and they avoid conflict whenever possible. If they do use consequences, they don’t always stick with them. A child can often get privileges back if they beg and promise to be good… encourage their kids to talk about issues, but they rarely put much effort into helping them problem-solve or teaching them how to make better choices… most hands-off.

Kids with permissive parents are more likely to struggle academically … flounder in school… exhibit behavior problems because they don’t understand boundaries or how to follow rules… may come to feel entitled to privileges and material goods… at a higher risk of health problems, such as obesity, because permissive parents struggle to limit the amount of junk food they eat.

Uninvolved parents demand almost nothing and give almost nothing in return [most dangerous type of parent]. Basically uninvolved parents expect kids to raise themselves … don’t set expectations, boundaries, or consequences … may spend a lot of time away from home, leaving kids to fend for themselves … may not … meet their children’s basic needs. It can verge into neglect territory… may have … substance abuse problems, mental health issues, lack of education, severe financial stress, etc. … can create a lifetime of havoc for a child.

These kids have no trust foundation with their parents which make it difficult for them to form relationships with others… perform poorly in school, display behavior problems, and rank low in happiness.

In her article titled “Perspective: Make ‘parent’ a verb again,” Bethany Mandel wrote of a family in Texas where four children are being reared “without any rules about food, clothing or appearance” and are “allowed to eat whatever they choose, shave their heads, wear whatever they want (or don’t want, in the instance of shoes) and even drink coffee.” Another article about the family called the type of parenting “free-range parenting.” Mandel called the children “feral” children. Most of us would put the type of parenting into the area between “passive parenting” and “uninvolved parenting” style. 

The Team Beenke article gives some suggestions for how a parent can decide what kind of parent they are. If you do not know, I suggest that you go to the article to learn more. Parents should strive to be authoritative parents because they will strengthen their family and their children will be happier and more successful. Such families can then add strength to their communities and nations.