Teaching Children

                Families, communities, and nations are strengthened when we teach the children as Jesus Christ would teach them.  The instructor in my Book of Mormon class shared the following insights into how the Savior teaches children.  The Book of Mormon – Another Testament of Jesus Christ contains two very poignant examples of Christ teaching children during His visit with the Nephites. 

                The first example is found in 3 Nephi 17 where Christ commands that the little children be brought forward and waited until all of them were around Him.  “… and he took their little children, one by one, and blessed them, and prayed unto the Father for them” (3 Nephi 17:21).  A little later in the chapter we are told that “angels descending out of heaven as it were in the midst of fire; and they came down and encircled those little ones about, and they were encircled about with fire; and the angels did minister unto them” (3 Nephi 17:24).

                The second example is found in 3 Nephi 26:14:  “And it came to pass that he did teach and minister unto the children of the multitude of whom hath been spoken, and he did loose their tongues, and they did speak unto their fathers great and marvelous things, even greater than he had revealed unto the people; and he loosed their tongues that they could utter.”

                The Lord gave specific instructions to parents in our day about how to teach children.  These instructions are found in the Doctrine and Covenants 68:25:  “And again, inasmuch as parents have children in Zion, or in any of her stakes which are organized, that teach them not to understand the doctrine… the sin be upon the heads of the parents.”

                Parents have known this counsel since the beginning days of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, and many parents try to follow the admonition to teach their children.  My instructor shared the following quote by Elder David A. Bednar of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles.  Elder Bednar’s words definitely make clear how parents are to teach their children.    

                “Here is the hard doctrine.  It does not say to teach our children.  Teaching is an activity.  It says that we should teach them to understand.  Understanding is an outcome; it is a result.

                “It is easy for us to say, `I teach my children in the home.’  That is not the job we have been assigned.  That is not the admonition.  It says that we are to teach them to understand.  Understanding is the outcome; that is the result.  Sometimes we say `I am teaching my kids; they are going to be okay.’  Ultimately, teaching is not the outcome of what we do; understanding is.”

                My instructor pointed out the obvious:  Parents are commanded to teach their children in such a way that the children can understand the doctrine being taught to them.  He explained that parents can “create, invite, and facilitate” but it is the Holy Ghost that actually does the teaching.  If we want our children to learn the doctrine – and learning the doctrine will help them behave better, then we must teach in such a way that the Holy Ghost can be present to help the doctrine to sink deep into the souls of our children.

                In closing his remarks, my instructor shared a story of how his son showed great love to his daughter at a time when she was going through some difficult times.   He spoke of the peace that came into the home because his son had been taught by the Holy Ghost how to show love for his sister.

                I know that we can strengthen our families, communities, and nations by preparing our children to be taught by the Holy Ghost.  The Holy Spirit is the greatest teacher there is because His teachings sink deep into souls.

Teaching Children Light and Truth

                Parents have the responsibility to teach the importance of family unity.  Parents must rear their children in light and truth in order for them to withstand the evils all around them.  This is best accomplished when all family members are in spiritual agreement as to the importance of certain activities.  The strength of communities and nations is based on the security of the foundation of the home.

                The following quote was in the family home evening manual for 1970-71:  “The importance of family unity – love and consideration for one another in the family – cannot be overemphasized.  Spiritual solidarity in family relationships is the sure foundation upon which the Church and society itself will flourish.  This fact is well known and appreciated by the adversary, and as never before, he is using every clever device, influence, and power within his control to undermine and destroy this eternal institution.  Only the gospel of Jesus Christ applied in family relationships will thwart this devilish destructiveness” (as quoted in Teachings of the Presidents of the Church – Joseph Fielding Smith, pp. 205-206).

                President Smith warned us at that time of the importance of teaching our children correct principles in order to avoid being deceived by Satan.  We can see - nearly forty-five years later – that President Smith was wise in warning parents.

                A year or more prior to the above warning (1969), President Smith taught, “There are many great and real dangers to be reckoned with, and those which concern us more than all others combined have to do with our children.  The only real protection or adequate defense can be afforded by the home and its influences.”  (See “Our Children -`The Loveliest Flowers From God’s Own Garden,’” Relief Society Magazine, Jan. 1969, 5; as quoted in Teachings of the Presidents, p. 206.)

                President Smith not only warned us of the importance of teaching our children, but he also told us what we should teach them.  This quote comes from 1916!  “Our children will have to be taught to discern between good and evil, otherwise in many respects they will not be able to understand why they are not permitted to indulge in practices that are common with their neighbors.  Unless they are instructed in the doctrines of the Church, they will not, perhaps, understand why there is any harm in the Sunday concert, a Sunday theatre, picture show, ball game, or something of that kind, when their playmates, without restraint and with encouragement, indulge in these things forbidden of the Lord on his holy day.  The parents are responsible for the proper teaching of their children, [and] the Lord will condemn the parents if their children grow up outside of the influence of the principles of the gospel of our Lord Jesus Christ” (Conference Report, Oct. 1916, 71-72; as quoted in Teachings of the Presidents, p. 206).

                In 1965 President Smith again warned parents of the importance of teaching their children and quoted scripture in doing so:  “The Lord has commanded us, one and all, to bring our children up in light and truth.  Where this spirit exists, disharmony, disobedience, and neglect of sacred duties will not, cannot, succeed.”  (See Conference Report, 1965, p. 11; as quoted in Teachings of the Prophets, p. 206.)

                I am grateful to have had the guidance of living prophet of God to help me rear my children.  Nothing pleases me more than to see my son or son-in-law call his family around him to teach them a gospel principle or to study the scriptures together.  Of course, their wives are right beside them, supporting them in this great responsibility.  I can see in the behavior of my grandchildren that they are learning to love their siblings and to show consideration and kindness to them.  As their grandmother, this makes me very happy to see! 

Gender Matters

Families are strengthened when parents understand that there are basic differences between girls and boys and that these differences are good and necessary. There are sex differences "hardwired" into children before birth, and ignoring or mixing up those differences can create problems for them as teenagers and young adults.

Gender problems have been very much on my mind lately. I know several young people who consider themselves to be gay, and I recently learned of an additional one. My heart goes out to these young people and their families because the situation is difficult for all involved. I believe that this particular social problem came out of the atmosphere of the 1970s and 1980's when the ones I am familiar with were born and reared. I believe that many young people become involved with homosexuality out of curiosity or being introduced to it by an older person or someone they admire and want to be like. At any rate, the acceptance of same-sex relationships by society seems to increase the numbers of those who become involved in it.

Back in the 1970's when my older children were born, parents were told that boys and girls acted differently because adults expected them to act differently. We were told that parents created and reinforced the differences in children. Being a new mother, I wanted to care for my children properly and to teach them appropriately, but I didn't really believe the experts. What they were saying didn't make sense when compared with what I was personally seeing, and I decided to perform my own experiments with my children. My husband and I had two little girls followed by a boy, all in a three-year period, and we could see from the beginning that our son was much different that our girls. We purchased dolls and other girl toys as well as same-sex toys such as puzzles and games. When our son was born, we purchased cars, trucks, and other boy toys. All the toys were together in the family room, and the children could choose which toys they wanted to play with. I noticed that without any prompting, our girls usually chose the dolls, dishes, and other feminine toys while our son usually chose the cars, trucks and other masculine toys. They all enjoyed the sex-neutral toys. Our son seemed to always put a masculine touch on whatever he did, and our girls were more feminine. When our son wanted to join the girls at their Barbie parties, he brought his Heman characters to play with - and no one seemed to consider that strange at all. Today the girls are still very feminine while our son is very masculine, and all are happily married.

As we added more children - another son and two daughters - they followed the same patterns in their own individual ways. All of the children were given opportunities to play the piano as well as to play on sports teams. Some excelled in some areas while others excelled in other ways. All were good students. I cannot take credit - or blame - for the adults that my children have become because I simply allowed them to be themselves and loved them for it.

I believe that gender truly matters. I believe that we are sons and daughters of God and that He has an individual plan for each one of us. I believe that homosexuality comes from Satan because it is exactly opposite from what our Father in Heaven desires for His children. We all lived as sons and daughters with our Heavenly Father, and we had no confusion then about whether we were male or female. It is only in this world that there is confusion about our roles. I believe that Satan introduced same-sex attraction in order to destroy the family unit. We know that our families are the basic units of society and that society cannot withstand the destruction of its basic unit. The work of God depends on the success of that basic unit. If the basic unit is destroyed, then the work of God is easier to overthrow.

The doctrine of the family was stated clearly in the Proclamation on the Family, which was first introduced to the women of the Church on September 23, 1995, and then given to the entire Church membership the next week. "We the First Presidency and the Council of the Twelve Apostles of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, solemnly proclaim that marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God and that the family is central to the Creator's plan for the eternal destiny of His children.
"All human beings - male and female - are created in the image of God. Each is a beloved spirit son or daughter of heavenly parents, and, as such, each has a divine nature and destiny. Gender is an essential characteristic of individual premortal, mortal, and eternal identity and purpose.
"In the premortal realm, spirit sons and daughters knew and worshiped God as their Eternal Father and accepted His plan by which His children could obtain a physical body and gain earthly experience to progress toward perfection and ultimately realize his or her divine destiny as an heir of eternal life. The divine plan of happiness enables family relationships to be perpetuated beyond the grave. Sacred ordinances and covenants available in holy temples make it possible for individuals to return to the presence of God and for families to be united eternally.
"The first commandment that God gave to Adam and Eve pertained to their potential for parenthood as husband and wife. We declare that God's commandment for His children to multiply and replenish the earth remains in force. We further declare that God has commanded that the sacred powers of procreation are to be employed only between man and woman, lawfully wedded as husband and wife.
"We declare the means by which mortal life is created to be divinely appointed. We affirm the sanctity of life and of its importance in God's eternal plan…."

The family Proclamation continues in describing the duties of husbands and wives to each other and to their children. "Husband and wife have a solemn responsibility to love and care for each other and for their children." "Parents have a sacred duty to rear their children in love and righteousness, to provide for their physical and spiritual needs, to teach them to love and serve one another, to observe the commandments of God and to be law-abiding citizens… [and] will be held accountable before God for the discharge of theses obligations."

The Proclamation tells us that the "family is ordained of God. Marriage between man and woman is essential to His eternal plan. Children are entitled to birth within the bonds of matrimony, and to be reared by a father and a mother who honor marital vows with complete fidelity. Happiness in family life is most likely to be achieved when founded upon the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ." Husbands and fathers have the basic responsibilities to preside in the home, to protect their wives and their children, and to provide for their temporal needs. Wives and mothers have the primary responsibility to nurture the children and support husbands and fathers in their duties. "In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners" and to make the necessary adaptations brought about by disability, death or other circumstances.

With the background of the teachings of the gospel of Jesus Christ and the clearly stated principles found in the Proclamation of the family, I feel strongly that gender is very important. We must not become confused or allow our children to become confused about gender.

Same-sex marriage has been approved by several state legislatures while the voters in the majority of states have voted it down. Since New York legalized same-sex marriage, pressure has been building for the producers of Sesame Street to use the children's television show to advance same-sex marriage. Bert and Ernie have been sharing the same bedroom with separate beds for many years. The creators have always said that the friends are gender neutral, not homosexual, but same-sex marriage advocates are pressuring the producers of Sesame Street to have Bert and Ernie tie the knot on the show. We have no idea of the problems such an example would bring into the lives of still more generations.

Gender is important in more ways than just sexual orientation. Our gender is involved in all we do: learning, reading, hearing, thinking, etc. I own a book entitled Why Gender Matters, written by Leonard Sax, M.D., Ph.D., with a copyright date of 2005, and I highly recommend this book to all parents, grandparents, and teachers. I found it to be very interesting and informative about gender matters. It confirmed to me that children suffered much by the theories of the past thirty-five years. "There is more at stake here than the old question of nature versus nurture. The failure to recognize and respect sex differences in child development has done substantial harm over the past thirty years…" (p 7). The author maintains that many problems are caused in the lives of children because adults do not understand the "hardwired differences in how girls and boys learn." He explains that boys and girls hear differently and some boys who exhibit attention deficit disorder may be reacting to the fact that they can "barely hear the soft-spoken teacher." The author maintains that problems with school dropouts, alcohol and drug abuse, teenage sex, and other problems can be traced back to the fact that the "innate, biologically programmed differences between girls and boys" are not recognized and that "many administrators and teachers don't fully appreciate that girls and boys enter the classroom with different needs, different abilities, and different goals" (p 9).

Dr. Sax described how he had "been invited to schools around the United States and Canada to speak to teachers about differences in how girls and boys learn. I've been struck by the similarities between good teachers and good parents. They both stay up late at night agonizing how best to help a child. They both may shed tears when they tell me how they've struggled with a particular child. Good teachers and good parents both understand that every child is unique. Both want to help every child achieve his or her full potential. Teachers and parents are partners in helping each child grow up to be the woman or man that child was meant to be" (p 10).

The author explains that boys and girls not only hear differently, but they see differently. Their brains work differently, and they feel differently. They enjoy reading about different subjects. Dr. Sax even addresses sex differences versus sexual orientation. "Basically, I will argue that sex differences - female compared with male - are far more profound than any differences attributed to sexual orientation….
"My bottom line is that sex, female or male, is more fundamental than sexual orientation, gay or straight. A lesbian girl and a straight girl have much more in common with each other, as a rule, than a lesbian girl has in common with a gay boy - in terms of how they learn, how they play, how they fight, and how they relate to their friends, to their parents, and to the world in general" (pp 36-37).

I strongly recommend Why Gender Matters to anyone and everyone who deals with children and teenagers. Our boys and girls are different, and their differences are good and necessary. It is particularly important that parents understand the differences between males and females and use those differences to help their sons and daughters to reach their full potentials as adults.