Males and Females

            Families, communities, and nations are strengthened when individuals understand than men and women are more similar than different. According to Robert H. Lauer and Jeanette C. Lauer in their book titled Marriage and Family – The Quest for Intimacy, several different terms can be used in exploring the differences between the sexes. The term sex refers to the biological identification as male or female. The term gender is the social identity of the sexes. The term gender role is the behavioral role aligned with being male or female. The term gender- role orientation is how we see ourselves as “having some combination of masculine and feminine traits” (p. 57).

            Sexual differences are obvious between male and female because our bodies are created differently in order to form half of a whole. A male body is created to father children, and the female body is created to carry the unborn child and then to feed and nurture the child after birth. Men are usually bigger and stronger than women in order to fulfill their God-given role to protect and to provide for their family. This is especially true for women who are pregnant or nurturing young children and need greater care and protection. Men and women are created physically to work together for the good of their individual families.

            Gender differences show up in social life. The stereotype that women are more apt than men to stop and ask directions is true because men are more independent and willing to solve problems on their own and women are more apt to communicate with others. Even though both men and women need closeness with other human beings and are capable of forming relationships, women are more relationship oriented. The authors state that “females appear to be more skilled than males in maintaining quality interaction.” They say that women are more likely to start and maintain conversations because they have a natural “questioning style” (p. 59) of conversation.

            There is agreement of certain traditional gender roles for males and females. Men tend to have certain character traits, and women have certain other character traits. Men are said to be “strong, independent, successful, courageous, aggressive, stoic in the face of pain or painful situation, and logical” (p. 62). Women are said to be “more gentle, nurturing, emotional, submissive, and dependent on men for support and protection” (p. 62). There are the traditional roles of male and female – fathers as the breadwinner and mothers as the caretakers of home and family. These roles are slowly changing as most women today work outside the home, and many men are helping more with household chores, but they are not completely changing.

            Most people do not exactly follow the traditional model because most men and most women “have some combination of the qualities or traits of each role” (p. 63). The traditional male role has instrumental traits, such as “aggressiveness, competitiveness, self-confidence, and logic,” and the traditional female role has expressive traits, such as “warmth, caring, sensitivity, and nurturance” (p 63). The combinations of these traits fall into four general categories – androgynous, undifferentiated, masculine, or feminine -- which the authors explain as follows:

At first, it seems reasonable to assume that masculine and feminine are the two extremes of one dimension. That is, the more masculine you are, the less feminine and vice versa. But social scientists agree that masculinity and femininity are not opposites that exclude each other. Instead of a continuum, with masculine at one end and feminine at the other, gender-role orientation must be understood as two-dimensional…. Thus, an individual can be high on both [androgynous], low on both [undifferentiated], or high on one and low on the other dimension [masculine or feminine] (p. 63).

            The authors claim that being high on both the masculinity scale and the femininity scale is the best combination. This is because androgynous people are “healthier and more adaptable than others” (p. 64). Androgynous individuals can be competitive, successful, and confident and still be warm, caring, and sensitive.

            The authors seem to think that parents, schools, and media can have some influence in helping children to become androgynous. Parents can help their daughters learn how to be strong and successful, while helping their sons to be more sensitive and nurturing. Apparently, it has something to do with how parents speak to and interact with their sons and daughters. It also depends on how much encouragement children have in developing skills in various areas. It is a good thing that more guys are learning to cook and sew, and more gals are lifting weights and running. Both girls and boys can develop skills in math, science, and logic, and both need opportunities to develop talents in art, music, and the softer areas of life. Both can develop communication and nurturing skills.

            Androgynous individuals can still align their behavior to conform to their God-given roles as fathers and mothers.  I know many women who are strong and assertive and yet choose to be stay-at-home mothers. I know many men who are gentle and caring with their children and still are the breadwinner for their family. By being aware of how they interact with their children, parents can strengthen their family, community, and nation by helping their children to develop both masculine and feminine character traits.