How Do You Plan to Honor Your Mother?

Families, communities, and nations are stronger when men are men and women are women. Everyone with a sound man knows that a woman cannot become a man, nor can a man become a woman, simply because they “feel” like the other sex, or they “think” they are the opposite sex. However, there are plenty of people who are willing to go along with those crazy ideas.

Women fought for many years for their rights to own property, to vote, and to have their own sports teams. Now, biological men are taking over many of the domains that women fought so hard to obtain. Shawn Carney wrote about the fading women and then wrote the following about women and Mother’s Day. 

It’s shameful. Those of us who remember women must stand up for them, now more than ever. As we celebrate Mother’s Day, honor motherhood, and thank God for the gift of mothers this Sunday, we find ourselves fending off men who seek to debase motherhood with two words: birthing person.

At this rate, celebrating Mother’s Day might even get you canceled, especially if you live in the liberal bastion of New York City. The City Council’s lefty leadership has become so woke that many members have started to replace “mother” in legislation and official correspondence with nongender terms such as “birthing people” and “birthing parents.”

Birthing persons don’t exist. Mothers do. Yes, mothers give birth, and in so doing they give life. They are sacred. The ability to give life elevates women over men.

Men can’t and never will be able to get pregnant, carry children in their bodies, and give birth. Men cannot feel a child moving inside them, and they can never nourish a baby with their own body. Birthing persons don’t exist in a sane world; women and mothers do.

Mother’s Day is not a day to scream that men can give birth or men can be women. It is a day to celebrate that men can never give birth and men can never be mothers. It is not bigoted or shameful to recognize the biological reality of women – it’s a celebration of women.

The degradation of women by the transgender movement is at an all-time high, and too many women are submitting to it out of fear of the cultish mob. As a result, the trans activist is out to destroy women. This has led to the death of the tomboy.

It is no longer acceptable to be an athletic woman; you were either supposed to be a boy, or you need to have your sport taken over by a boy who mistakenly thinks he’s a girl. The moment a child decides he is unhappy in his own skin (which is perfectly normal until now), the trans movement moves to capitalize on the confusion and rush to diagnose and co-opt this unhappiness.

Women who have babies are not “birthing persons” – they are mothers, and all mothers deserve to be honored often. Real men will teach their sons to honor women, not try to become one of them. Parents who teach their children that men are men and women are women will help their children to remain sane in a world that has gone crazy. By doing so, they can strengthen their families, communities, and nations.

 

Why Is Mother’s Day a Time to Celebrate All Women?

             Mother’s Day is the day that we honor our mother and other mother-figures in our lives, such as mother-in-law, stepmother, and grandmother. It is also a day when we honor motherhood, maternity, and the influence of mothers in our society. Mother’s Day is celebrated in many parts of the world on various days, most commonly in March or May.

            Mother’s Day is a modern holiday was first celebrated in 1907 in the United States when Anna Jarvis organized the first Mother’s Day service of worship and celebration at Andrews Methodist Episcopal Church. Jarvis started her campaign to create a day to honor mothers in 1905, the year that her mother died. She wanted a day set apart to honor all mothers because she believed a mother is “the person who has done more for you than anyone in the world.”

            In 1908, the U.S. Congress rejected a proposal to make Mother’s Day an official holiday. However, all U.S. states observed the holiday by 1911 with some states declaring it a local holiday. In 1914, President Woodrow Wilson signed a proclamation stating that Mother’s Day would be the second Sunday in May and that it was a national holiday to honor mothers.

            Mother’s Day is a day that brings many different feelings to women. It is a day of rejoicing for most mothers, but it is a day of heart break for women who desire to have children but have none, for mothers who have lost children – either before birth or after, and for mothers who feel that they have failed as mothers.

            Religious and other leaders have discussed mothers and Mother’s Day. Elder Jeffrey R. Holland of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints often speaks about mothering. This is one such statement: “To all mothers in every circumstance, including those who struggle – and all will – I say, ‘Be peaceful. Believe in God and yourself. You are doing better than you think you are.” 

            Then-Elder M. Russell Ballard spoke of the mothers in his family. He spoke of learning to appreciate the mothering struggles of his wife and of watching with awe as his daughters and granddaughters teach and guide their children. Then he made this statement: 

 There is no one perfect way to be a good mother. Each situation is unique. Each mother has different challenges, different skills and abilities, and certainly different children. The choice is different and unique for each mother and each family. Many are able to be “full-time moms,” at least during the most formative years of their children’s lives, and many others would like to be. Some may have to work part-or full-time; some may work at home; some may divide their lives into periods of home and family and work. What matters is that a mother loves her children deeply and, in keeping with the devotion she has for God and her husband, prioritizes them above all else.

            I, too, watch with awe as my daughters by blood and marriage teach and guide their children through the busyness and stresses of this world. They are much better mothers than I was, which proves a favorite saying of my father. He said that each generation should be better people than the previous generation because we should learn from our parents what works and what does not work. Nevertheless, I cannot say that I was a better mother than my own mother; I can just say that I was a different type of mother.

Sister Sheri Dew, former counselor in the Relief Society general presidency, taught that motherhood is a doctrine of the gospel of Jesus Christ, and that this is the reason why the Brethren speak about it so often and so powerfully. In speaking of mothers and motherhood, Sister Dew made the following powerful statement. 

When we understand the magnitude of motherhood, it becomes clear why prophets have been so protective of woman’s most sacred role. While we tend to equate motherhood solely with maternity, in the Lord’s language, the word mother has layers of meaning. Of all the words they could have chosen to define her role and her essence, both God the Father and Adam called Eve “the mother of all living” [Moses 4:26] —and they did so before she ever bore a child.

Like Eve, our motherhood began before we were born. Just as worthy men were foreordained to hold the priesthood in mortality [Alma 13:2-4, 7-8], righteous women were endowed premortally with the privilege of motherhood. [See Spencer W. Kimball, “The Role of Righteous Women,” Ensign, Nov. 1979, 102.] Motherhood is more than bearing children, though it is certainly that. It is the essence of who we are as women. It defines our very identity, our divine stature and nature, and the unique traits our Father gave us.

According to Sister Dew, all women and girls are mothers and have been from our premortal lives. As women, we mother all sorts of people who are not our children biologically or by adoption. We mother students, we mother the friends of our children and our friends’ children, and we mother the children of the neighborhood. I am grateful for all the women who mothered my children and helped them to develop into the men and women they are.

            Like most mothers, I have negative feelings about my abilities as a mother, but mostly I feel great gratitude. I am grateful for my own mother and for my husband’s mother. I feel unspeakable gratitude for the blessing of being a mother. My husband and I were unable to have children for several years before a doctor discovered my problem. Once the problem was fixed, we had no further difficulties and were blessed with six children – the first three within three years. I am grateful that those children were born with healthy bodies, bright minds, and sweet spirits. I am grateful that they grew up to be responsible members of society and good parents of their own children. I have learned much from my children.

            In my studies about marriage and parenting, I came across a statement that should be of value to all parents. I could not find the statement to quote it exactly, but it was by an expert in the field and went something like this: Parents drive themselves crazy trying to parent perfectly. It is impossible to be perfect parents. Parents just need to be good-enough parents. The words “good enough parents” gave me great comfort. The Brethren tell us that we have not failed as long as we continue to love and to teach our children.

            Happy Mother’s Day to all mothers – those with children and those without children. As women, let us use our natural mothering skills and feeling to make the world a better place for all people, but particularly for those who desperately need our mothering influence[DD1] .  

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 [DD1]‘

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Mixed Feelings about Mother's Day

            I am one of many mothers who have mixed feelings about Mother’s Day. I am thrilled to be the mother of six outstanding adults who brought six wonderful spouses into my family. I am also the grandmother of seventeen, soon to be eighteen, grandchildren. My oldest grandchild graduates from high school next month and leaves three weeks later to serve a two-year mission for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. My youngest – at least as far as I know – will be born towards the end of July. Being a mother and grandmother are my greatest accomplishments, ones that I can take into eternity with me. My children almost always call to wish me a Happy Mother’s Day, and their calls make the day extra special.

            My mother passed away one week before Mother’s Day on May 5, 1979. She graduated from this life 40 years ago, but her influence on me remains strong. My mother was a small woman – just over five feet tall and about 100 pounds. She had lovely blue eyes, beautiful white hair, and a brilliant smile. She was quiet and unassuming and a friend to all who knew her. I miss her every single day and especially at this time of year. This brings unwelcome sadness to my celebration of Mother’s Day.

            I am also a mother who recognizes that I am not a perfect mother. Like my own mother, I did the best that I could with the knowledge and skills I had. I could have been better and done better if I had known more. My children and their success stories bring me great joy, but I understand the heartache of other mothers who may not see the fruits of their love and labor yet. I really like this new Mother's Day song titled "More Than Enough." 

            I read an article a few days ago, one of the many that I think, “I wish I had written something like that!” In “An Open Letter to 5 types of Mothers,” Lindsey Redfern acknowledges that Mother’s Day is a day of discouragement for many mothers. One of the most misunderstood things about mothers is that they may be surrounded by numerous children and grandchildren, but the one that is not present will still be greatly missed. Redfern discusses the following types of mothers in her article: the imperfect mother, the childless mother, the mother battling infertility, the mother who placed her child for adoption, and the mother waiting to reunite with her children in heaven.

            I can certainly relate with several of these mothers. I was childless for several years while I fought infertility. I had the heartache mixed with joy as I watched my siblings and friends welcome child after child into their homes. I am also an imperfect mother who did my share of yelling at the children and even spanking them to get their attention. I am grateful that I was never in the position where I needed to place a child for adoption or to bury one of my children. Yet, my heart aches for those mothers who had to face those circumstances.

            I am also grateful to belong to a Church whose leaders recognize that mothers come in all sizes, shapes, and colors and that each of us comes with a multitude of feelings about motherhood. For Mother’s Day this year The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints released a message for all mothers. The message --“We recognize women everywhere, no matter your challenges or circumstances. You are enough” – accompanies a video titled “You Are Enough.” 

            To all women everywhere I add my hope that you will find joy on this Mother’s Day. I know that all women are mothers whether or not they have borne, adopted, or fostered children. Eve was called the “Mother of All Living” while still living in the Garden of Eden, and we are her daughters with many of her attributes. We are all mothers!

Mixed Feelings on Mother's Day

            Mother’s Day holds both happy and painful memories for me. My mother passed away suddenly on Saturday, one week before Mother’s Day in 1979. I was thirty-four years old, and I felt that I had lost my greatest security. Mother’s Day that year was extremely difficult for me, coming just a few days after burying my mother. I was grateful for the love of my wonderful mother by marriage as she cared for me and my family.

            The next Mother’s Day was not much easier. I remember sitting in sacrament meeting and watching the Primary children sing Mother’s Day songs to their mothers. My three oldest children were among the little ones singing to their mothers, and I was so pleased with their happy, smiling faces and their desires to make me happy. Yet, tears were streaming down my face as my thoughts went to my own angel mother.

            Mother’s Day the next year was a little better. However, each Mother’s Day reminds me of how much I love and miss my own mother. Even though I truly enjoy hearing from my own children and grandchildren, my thoughts are mainly on her.

            This year is no different, but it adds some different emotions to the mix. My thoughts and feelings this year go to my dearly beloved sister-in-law, and I feel great love, sympathy, empathy, and compassion for her. She buried a fifteen-year-old daughter in September 1973, a task that no parent should ever have to face. I know that thoughts of her daughter are never far away from her mother heart, but I also know that other thoughts will also be there.

            My sweet sister has faced much heartache, but this year has been particularly difficult for her. She cared for her husband of 65 years for many months of declining health before he passed away in January 2018. She was a grieving widow, but she was staying strong. However, within days of her husband’s death, her oldest son was diagnosed with lung cancer.

            While mourning the death of her husband and dealing with the deaths of two nephews, my sister now faced the approaching death of another child. She spent as much time with her son as she could before he passed away a few days ago. He was buried today, the day before Mother’s Day 2018. Even as I know that thoughts of her son will never be far from her mind, I also know that Mother’s Day will always be a reminder of his death and burial.

            My sister is a strong woman who has borne up under much adversity. Some people describe her as being “tough” – and she is. I was seven years old and actually quite scared of her when she married my brother - and for years afterwards. As I became an adult and later a mother and a grandmother, I came to know that her toughness was only a façade that protected her soft heart and tender feelings. I feel certain that her great heart is broken today, and I wonder how much more adversity she can bear.

            My heart aches for my dear sister in her new loss, but I know that she finds strength in her faith that she will see her husband and children once again. She knows that her family can be together for all eternity because she and my brother made covenants in the House of the Lord and kept them. She will enjoy her living children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren while here on earth. When her time comes, she will join the growing family circle on the other side and wait for the ones she leaves behind. I hope and pray that she will have the strength to deal with this latest adversity and that she will feel peace on this Mother’s Day and many more to come.

             

Motherhood

            Mother’s Day is here once again. It is a day that brings many mixed feelings to women. Some women wish they had loving feelings toward their own mother but do not. Some women with deceased mothers wish for another opportunity to spend time with their mothers. Some women are mothers, other women long to be mothers, and still others do not want to be mothers. Most girls and young women dream of the day when they will have children, and most mothers are grateful for the opportunity to have children. 

      

            Many mothers do not like the public observance of Mother’s Day because the loving words that are spoken about mothers make them feel guilty for not being better mothers. I certainly feel that I failed my own children in many ways, and I expect that the most perfect of mothers feels that she should have been a better one! I am comforted and strengthened in my role as a mother with the following words from Elder M. Russell Ballard of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. 

… There is no role in life more essential and more eternal than that of motherhood.

There is no one perfect way to be a good mother. Each situation is unique. Each mother has different challenges, different skills and abilities, and certainly different children. The choice is different and unique for each mother and each family. Many are able to be “full-time moms,” at least during the most formative years of their children’s lives, and many others would like to be. Some may have to work part-or full-time; some may work at home; some may divide their lives into periods of home and family and work. What matters is that a mother loves her children deeply and, in keeping with the devotion she has for God and her husband, prioritizes them above all else.

            All women are mothers at heart. Those who do not actually bear or adopt children are still mothers in their own way. They may mother step-children, nieces and nephews, siblings, aged parents, students in their classrooms, or even adults in their organizations. There are all kinds of people who need mothering. My oldest daughter does not have children of her own, but she “mothers” people throughout a large area of Alaska as she works to meet their health needs.   I marvel at the young mothers of my acquaintance, including my own daughters by birth and marriage. I am amazed at their abilities to meet the needs of their children and to bring excitement, learning, and culture into their lives. I am particularly mindful at this time of those mothers who have lost children, and my heart aches for them.

            No matter the age of the mother, she is a strange creature in that she cares more for her children than she cares for herself. I remember the many sacrifices that my own mother made in order than her children could have what they wanted or needed. One of my older sisters wanted to take her new doll to school for show-and-tell, but she had no clothes for the doll. My mother stayed up all night crocheting a set of doll clothing in order for my sister to take her doll to school the next day.

            Even though all of my children are grown and married, I had an opportunity to take on the role of mother to one of my daughters recently. She and her husband were asked to be the “parents” for a “family” on a pioneer trek, and she needed some pioneer clothing. She contacted me and asked if I would have time to make two skirts and an apron for her. Even though I had more tasks than I could possibly do in the limited time, I told her yes. My husband questioned why I would take on more work when I was already so busy, and my answer was, “This is what mothers do.” Most mothers willingly sacrifice for the benefit of their children, but some of those sacrifices are more serious than others. I often think of the following lines that are attributed to Victor Hugo.  

She broke the bread into two fragments and gave them to her children, who ate with eagerness. “She hath kept none for herself,” grumbled the sergeant.

“Because she is not hungry,” said a soldier.

“No,” said the sergeant, “because she is a mother.”

            I have seen these traits in my daughters as they make sure that their children have clean clothes on their bodies and food in their tummies but have not yet taken time to shower or eat. I have often watched as a daughter finally gets a chance to sit down to a meal, and a child suddenly appears with their mouth wide open, much like baby birds in a nest. Even though the child has just finished their own food, they want some of mom’s food, and she gives it to them because she is a mother.

            On this Mother’s Day I am grateful for my own loving, self-sacrificing mother, and I am grateful for my husband’s mother who lovingly accepted me as a daughter. I am grateful for my sisters by birth and marriage for mothering me both before and after the death of my mother.

I am grateful for the opportunity that I have to be a mother and grandmother, and I am grateful for my opportunity to watch my daughters in their motherhood. I wish a “Happy Mother’s Day” to all women, both those who have children and those who are mothering the children of other women. May God bless all of us in our motherhood.

Behold Thy Mother!

                Elder Jeffrey R. Holland of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints spoke on this topic in the October 2015 General Conference. I was completely immersed in his words because he sounded as though he had some personal experience with mothers who did not feel appreciated. I knew then I wanted to share them with my readers for Mother’s Day!

                “Bear, borne, carry, deliver.  These are powerful, heartening messianic words. They convey help and hope for safe movement from where we are to where we need to be – but cannot get without assistance. These words also connote burden, struggle, and fatigue – words most appropriate in describing the mission of Him who, at unspeakable cost, lifts us up when we have fallen, carries us forward when strength is gone, delivers us safely home when safety seems far beyond our reach.  `My Father sent me,’ He said, `that I might be lifted up upon the cross; … that as I have been lifted up … even so should men be lifted up … to … me’ [3 Nephi 27:14].

                “But can you hear in this language another arena of human endeavor in which we use words like bear and borne, carry and lift, labor and deliver? As Jesus said to John while in the very act of Atonement, so He says to us all, `Behold thy mother!’ [John 19:27].

                “Today I declare from this pulpit what has been said here before:  that no love in mortality comes closer to approximating the pure love of Jesus Christ than the selfless love a devoted mother has for her child.  When Isaiah, speaking messianically, wanted to convey Jehovah’s love, he invoked the image of a mother’s devotion. `Can a woman forget her sucking child?’ he asks.  How absurd, he implies, though not as absurd as thinking Christ will ever forget us. [See Isaiah 49:15.]

                “This kind of resolute love `suffereth long, and is kind, … seeketh not her own, … but … beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things’ [Moroni 7:45; see also 1 Corinthians 13:4-7]. Most encouraging of all, such fidelity `never faileth’ [Moroni 7:46; see also 1 Corinthians 13:8]. For the mountains shall depart and the hills be removed,’ Jehovah said, `but my kindness shall not depart form thee’ [3 Nephi 22:10; see also Isaiah 54:10]. So too say our mothers.

                “You see, it is not only that they bear us, but they continue bearing with us. It is not only the prenatal carrying but the lifelong carrying that makes mothering such a staggering feat. Of course, there are heartbreaking exceptions, but most mothers know intuitively, instinctively that this is a sacred trust of the highest order.  The weight of that realization, especially on your maternal shoulders, can be very daunting.”

                Elder Holland shared a letter from a young mother and “three experiences reflecting the majestic influence of mothers, witnessed in my ministry in just the past few weeks….” He concluded his talk with these words:

                “To all of our mothers everywhere, past, present, or future, I say, `Thank you. Thank you for giving birth, for shaping souls, for forming character, and for demonstrating the pure love of Christ.’ To Mother Eve, to Sarah, Rebekah, and Rachel, to Mary of Nazareth, and to a Mother in Heaven, I say, `Thank you for your crucial role in fulfilling the purposes of eternity.’ To all mothers in every circumstance, including those who struggle – and all will – I say, `Be peaceful. Believe in God and yourself. You are doing better than you think you are. In fact, you are saviors on Mount Zion. [See Obadiah 1:21.] and like the Master you follow, your love “never faileth.” [See Moroni 7:46; see also 1 Corinthians 13:8.]’ I can pay no higher tribute to anyone.”

                Mother’s Day is often difficult for women. It is difficult for some women because they do not have any children. It is difficult for other women because they feel like failures – some even though their children are still young. The calling of motherhood is an eternal calling. Although the tasks of mothers are difficult and sometimes heartbreaking, there is so much more joy to being a mother. Mothers can find joy all along the journey as a mother, and they will find the most joy as they are surrounded by their children in this life and for all eternity.

                I wish a Happy Mother’s Day to all women, whether or not you have actually given birth or adopted a child. You act as a mother to people all around you, and you deserve honor.  Happy Mother’s Day!

Mother's Day Is Coming

                Mother’s Day is almost here once again. I know that my children will honor me in some way, but my thoughts are on my own dear mother, my husband’s sweet mother, and our daughters. All women are mothers whether or not they have borne children because the instinct to mother is part of being a mother.

                As Mother’s Day approaches, I thought I would share a message by Elder Jeffrey R. Holland and his wife Patricia T. Holland,  adapted from their new book To Mothers:  Carrying the Torch of Family and Faith about the sacred influence of mothers today.

                There are comments by Elder Holland and a sweet story by Sister Holland about her great-grandmother.  The article closes with these words from Elder Holland:

                “I fear that virtually nothing—or at least not much—that the world says to you acknowledges your divine role as women. I am reminded that throughout the Creation sequence of Genesis, God viewed His work, including the creation of man, and called it “good.” But for the one and only time in that Creation story, He then said something was “not good.” He said it was not good that man should be alone. In short the Creation, even with Adam, was incomplete. Here I invoke President Gordon B. Hinckley’s language:

                “`As His final creation, the crowning of His glorious work, He created woman. I like to regard Eve as His masterpiece after all that had gone before, the final [great] work before He rested from His labors’ (Ensign, Nov. 1991, 97). I join my testimony to President Hinckley’s in that assessment. Surely it must have been at this point, with so much that was “good” having been done and having remedied the one thing that was “not good,” He could say after Eve’s arrival it was all “very good” (Genesis 1:31).

                “In this great, eternal work, mothers have carried the torch of faith and family from the beginning. The need for that torch to burn brightly and dispel darkness has never been greater than “in this time.” Little wonder that the Prophet Joseph said, “If you live up to your privileges, the angels cannot be restrained from being your associates” (History of the Church, 4:605). The scriptures speak of women being “elect.” What a powerful doctrinal and covenantal term! And who “elects” you? You do!—and so does God Himself, who has all the joy and delight of a father in you as His daughter, you who pass on light and hope, pass on life itself and a glorious gospel legacy until the work is finished.”

Mothers and Mother's Day

                Tomorrow is Mother’s Day, a day set apart to honor mothers.  I think it is ironic that most mothers I know do not like Mother’s Day; at least, they do not like to hear talks or lessons about mothers.  You may ask why.  It is because all the talks, lessons, and remarks are about the ideal mother, and this makes even wonderful mothers feel guilty; most mothers, if not all, feel guilty for something they did or did not do for, with, or to their children.  Even the best mothers feel that they do not measure up to the “ideal mother” – whatever that is.

                I personally like Mother’s Day.  I know that my children will “move mountains” if they have to in order to call me on Mother’s Day.  Every day is a good day when I have the opportunity to speak with any of my children; on Mother’s Day I am usually blessed with visits or calls from all of them!  I enjoy listening and watching the Primary children sing to their mothers.  I like everything about Mother’s Day, even when I have to do the cooking!

                One of my favorite Mother’s Day songs is “I Often Go Walking” by Phyllis Luch (1937-1995) with music by Jeanne P. Lawler (b. 1924).  I like it because it reminds me of my mother.

                                    I often go walking in meadows of clover,

                        And I gather armfuls of blossoms of blue.

                        I gather the blossoms the whole meadow over;

                        Dear other, all flowers remind me of you.

                       

                        O mother, I give you my love with each flower

                        To give forth sweet fragrance a whole lifetime through;

                        For if I love blossoms and meadows and walking,

                        I learn how to love them, dear mother, from you.

                I am grateful for the opportunity to be a mother.  I wanted to be a mother for as long as I can remember.  Motherhood was my choice for a career!  My siblings and friends had no problems having babies, but I did.  I was married for five years before I became a mother.  I know what it is like to want children and not have them!  I am grateful for my children.  I suppose I am more grateful for my children than many other mothers are for theirs.  My children are good people; they are assets to their communities.  They have knowledge, skills, and willingness to help other people.  I have no regrets for the adults my children have become.  I receive much joy for the accomplishments of my children.

                In fact, I am so grateful for the opportunity to be a mother that I sometimes give presents to my children on Mother’s Day.  I do not do this every year.  When the children were all under ten years old, I made a denim bag for each of my children for a Sunday bag.  This year I made gifts for my children again.  I cannot tell you what I made but will do so sometime in the future.

                I am grateful for my mother.  She is the mother of twelve children, the grandmother of seventy grandchildren, the great-grandmother of more than two hundred, and the great-great-grandmother of at least twice that many.  I am grateful to her for being willing to go into the valley of the shadow of death to give me life.  I am just as grateful for her love and teachings about how to make my life count for something.  I lost my mother many years ago when I was only thirty-four.  I wish I had more years to get to know her and to show her how wonderful she is.  I had not experienced enough of life to truly appreciate my mother until I lost her.  Now I live my life in hopes that I am pleasing her.

                I am grateful for my husband’s mother.  I believe that I have the best mother-in-law anyone could have, and I love her dearly.  She loved me and accepted me for myself.  She was my support after my mother passed away.  We lost her to Alzheimer Disease ten years before her actual death, and we dearly miss her.

                I am grateful for all the women who “mother” me – aunts, older sisters and sisters by marriage, younger sisters and sisters by marriage, daughters, daughters by marriage, granddaughters, nieces, and women in wards and communities.  I am grateful to know that women need women to visit, to teach, and to love.

                I am grateful for the opportunity and challenge to be a mother.  I thank Heavenly Father nearly every day for this great blessing in my life.  I know full well that I do not measure up to the “ideal mother.”  I have learned many things from watching young mothers, things that I wish I had known and done when my children were little.  I know that I failed in many areas, but I also know that I did the very best I could do with the knowledge and experience I had.  I also know that my job as the mother of my children will never end; I will be their mother for all eternity.  I accept this responsibility and continue to teach and correct my adult children whenever I feel there is a need.  I am grateful that I do not see the need very often!

                I am grateful for Mother’s Day and the opportunity to remember my mother, my husband’s mother, and the “other mothers” in my life.  I am also grateful for the reminder of the great blessing of being a mother.

What Is A Mother?

                Here it is Mother’s Day once again, a day when we honor our mothers and other women.  My mother passed away a week before Mother’s Day so this day and the previous week are always bitter sweet to me. I love the attention and praise that comes to me as a mother, but I always spend the time thinking of my own mother.

                How would you define mother?  What constitutes a mother in your mind?  Why do we honor mothers?  What is a mother?

One definition of mother is a woman who gives birth to a child or children.  A second definition is a woman who brings up a child or children with care and love.  A third definition is any woman who reaches out to help a fellow human being.  Most women are mothers at heart, and most young women and girls are mothers-in-training.

                The following lines are attributed to Victor Hugo.  “She broke the bread into two fragments and gave them to her children, who ate with eagerness.  `She hath kept none for herself,’ grumbled the sergeant.

                “`Because she is not hungry,’ said a soldier.

                “`No,’ said the sergeant, `because she is a mother.’”

                I love those lines because they describe what being a mother means to me.  Mothers of all types make great sacrifices for their children and others under their care.  A recent news story reported the experience of a mother in Texas.  Sometime in March, a mother in Alvin, Texas, demonstrated the love and concern of a mother when a pit bull attacked her two-year-old daughter.  The mother recognized that her daughter’s life was in danger,  and she did the only thing a real mother could do.  She put her own life and health in danger by fighting the dog – even to the point of sticking her fist in the dog’s mouth and biting off its ear.  The child was seriously hurt as can be seen in this picture,  but she will recover.  She will always know that her mother loved her enough to fight for her life!

                A mother in North Carolina was in the middle of a divorce and also dealing with two young children with behavioral challenges.  She had numerous difficulties including the need to move several times.  In spite of her problems she has a tradition of taking her two children out to a restaurant every Friday.  On a recent Friday she took her children to a Pizza Hut in Durham.  She knew that medication was wearing thin and apologized in advance to a nearby customer – just in case her children misbehaved.  The father of three children told her that he understood; he finished his food and left the restaurant.  The mother worked at keeping her children subdued.  The tearful waitress brought a three-page note on receipt paper, a note that was left by the male customer.  The man also paid for the family’s food and left a gift card for future use.  His note read, “I do not know your back story, but I have had the privilege of watching you parent your children for the past thirty minutes.  I have to say thank you for parenting your children in such a loving manner.

                “I have watched you teach your children about the importance of respect, education, proper manners, communication, self-control and kindness all while being very patient.  I will never cross your path again but am positive that you and your children have amazing futures.

                “Keep up the good work and when it starts to get tough do not forget that others may be watching and will need the encouragement of seeing a good family being raised.  God bless!  Jake”

                When the mother finished reading the note, she was in tears also.  The man recognized a mother and paid her tribute in the only way he knew.  May God bless him!

                A friend passed along a video about an employer interviewing applicants for a difficult job.  I may spoil the impact for you to know that the job description was for the position of “mother.”  Since you will not be wondering about the job, please listen to the job description given here.  

                Elder Jeffrey R.Holland of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles gave wonderful counsel on the topic “Because She Is A Mother.” “In speaking of mothers generally, I especially wish to praise and encourage young mothers.  The work of a mother is hard, too often unheralded work.  The young years are often those when either husband or wife – or both – may still be in school or in those earliest and leanest stages of developing the husband’s breadwinning capacities.  Finances fluctuate daily between low and nonexistent.  The apartment is usually decorated in one of two smart designs – Deseret Industries provincial or early Mother Hubbard.  The car, if there is one, runs on smooth tires and an empty tank.  But with night feedings and night teethings, often the greatest challenge of all for a young mother is simply fatigue.  Through these years, mothers go longer on less sleep and give more to others with less personal renewal for themselves than any other group I know at any other time in life.  It is not surprising when the shadows under their eyes sometimes vaguely resemble the state of Rhode Island….

                “Do the best you can through these years, but whatever else you do, cherish that role that is so uniquely yours and for which heaven itself sends angels to watch over you and your little ones….

                “Mothers, we acknowledge and esteem your faith in every footstep.  Please know that it is worth it then, now, and forever.  And if, for whatever reason, you are making this courageous effort alone, without your husband at your side, then our prayers will be all the greater for you, and our determination to lend a helping hand even more resolute….

                “Yours is the grand tradition of Eve, the mother of all the human family, the one who understood that she and Adam had to fall in order that `men [and women] might be’ and that there would be joy.  Yours is the grand tradition of Sarah and Rebekah and Rachel, without whom there could not have been those magnificent patriarchal promises to Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob which bless us all.  Yours is the grand tradition of Lois and Eunice and the mothers of the 2,000 stripling warriors.  Yours is the grand tradition of Mary, chosen and foreordained from before this world was, to conceive, carry, and bear the Son of God Himself.  We thank all of you, including our own mothers, and tell you there is nothing more important in this world than participating so directly in the work and glory of God, in bringing to pass the mortality and earthly life of His daughters and sons, so that immortality and eternal life can come in those celestial realms on high.”

                I stand in awe of the courage, faith, and strength of the 2000 stripping warriors.  I rejoice in the praise they heap upon their mothers.  Helaman, their commander, described the young men as follows:  “Now they never had fought, yet they did not fear death; and they did think more upon the liberty of their fathers than they did upon their lives; yea, they had been taught by their mothers, that if they did not doubt, God would deliver them.

                “And they rehearsed unto me the words of their mothers, saying:  We do not doubt our mothers knew it” (Book of Mormon – Another Testament of Jesus Christ, Alma 56:47-48).

                The young men took part is some serious battles and several many wounds; however, not one of the stripling warriors died.  “Their preservation was astonishing to our whole army, yea, that they should be spared while there was a thousand of our brethren who were slain.  And we do justly ascribe it to the miraculous power of God, because of their exceeding faith in that which they had been taught to believe – that there was a just God, and whosoever did not doubt, that they should be preserved by his marvelous power” (Alma 57:26).

                Being a mother is the most noble of all professions.  I stand in awe of the young mothers I see all around me.  I watch my own daughters and marvel at their capacities to teach and care for my grandchildren.  Each of them put their careers on hold in order to be at home with their children in these tough times.  May God bless all mothers and all women who mother the children born to other women.

Mother's Day

                Mother’s Day always brings memories of my mother to me.  In fact, I spend more time on Mother’s Day thinking about my own mother than I ever spend thinking about being honored as a mother.  I am sure this is because my mother passed away one week before Mother’s Day and so “Mom” and “Mother’s Day” are connected on a whole different level for me. 

On Saturday, May 5, 1979, my mother had a massive heart attack and quickly passed away.  I made airline arrangements in order to fly from Alaska to Utah as quickly as possible.  My children and I arrived the evening before her funeral on Tuesday, May 8, and were quickly encircled in the arms of my father and siblings.  I spent a few days with my father and siblings and then went to spend Mother’s Day with my mother-in-law.  We were sitting in sacrament meeting when a friend leaned over the pew and complimented me on bringing the grandchildren to share Mother’s Day with my mother-in-law.  I became so choked up with tears that I could not reply, but my sweet mother-in-law quickly explained the situation.  Mother’s Day 1979 was extremely difficult for me!

                Mother’s Day 1980 was not much easier.  Tears flowed down my cheeks as I sat in sacrament meeting listening to Primary children, including my own little children, sing songs of love and appreciation to their mothers.  One particular Primary song touched my heart because it reminded me so much of my own mother.  This song is entitled “I Often Go Walking” (#202) and was written by Phyllis Luch with music by Jeanne P. Lawler.  My children and grandchildren often sing this song for me because they know I love it.

                I often go walking in meadows of clover,

                And I gather armfuls of blossoms of blue.

                I gather the blossoms the whole meadow over;

                Dear mother, all flowers remind me of you.

                O mother, I give you my love with each flower

                To give forth sweet fragrance a whole lifetime through;

                For if I love blossoms and meadows and walking,

                I learn how to love them, dear mother, from you.

                Even though thirty-four years have come and gone since my mother passed away, the memories of her bring tears to me once again.  My mother’s favorite color was blue like the clover in the song.   She loved all flowers, but she particularly loved yellow roses.  I do not know why she favored yellow roses, but I suspect that her reason is much like my own reason for doing so.  My family lived on a farm during my childhood and youth, and our home was located about a quarter of a mile from the main road where our mailbox stood.  Our meetinghouse was located not far from our mailbox.  A beautiful yellow rose bush stood just inside the fence of a cow pasture located along the road.  I, with other members of my family, walked along that road many times each summer, and each time we walked down the road we would pass the yellow rose bush.  There were not many flowers – besides sunflowers – in the area, and the rose bush was so beautiful and had such a wonderful fragrance that it stood in stark contrast to its surroundings.  The rose bush once stood by a gate with a path leading to a home, but the house had burned and the pathway was overgrown.  Yet the rose bush stood and provided great beauty and fragrance to all who passed by. 

  

                Even though yellow roses are my favorite flower, I also have fond memories of the beautiful purple iris that grew in the garden at the meetinghouse.  Since my mother was the Church custodian, she also had responsibility to care for the flowers.  I remember the iris being large and beautiful, and now I enjoy the beautiful iris of many different colors grown by my older brother and his wife in their large lot.  

                My mother loved flowers, but she had a difficult time growing them due to the soil around our home containing a lot of alkali.  Hollyhocks were one flower that Mom could grow, and they seemed to thrive where she planted them.  This may have been because we hauled good black soil back from the mountains each summer just for Mom’s flowers.  To this day, roses, iris, and hollyhocks are all special to me.

                My mother also loved to walk.  I suspect that she walked for the opportunity to have some time alone because she had a large family in a small house and many responsibilities.  I also suspect that her many children got on her nerves occasionally.  I do not remember her yelling or screaming at us, but I do remember that she would suddenly leave the house and be gone for a while.  There were other times when we would all go walking up into the foothills near our farm and have an enjoyable time.

                Mother’s Day 1981 was a little easier for me, and I could enjoy the beautiful singing of the children to their mothers.  This year I was asked to share a few thoughts about mothers and Mother’s Day in Relief Society.  I shared how I had lost my mother just before Mother’s Day a couple years previously and how difficult Mother’s Day had become for me.  I also shared some of the good character traits of my mother.  One of her best traits was her ability to speak well of other people.  I do not remember ever hearing her speak unkindly of anyone.  She taught us “If you can’t say anything good, don’t say anything at all,” and she lived what she taught.

                I remember how Mom seemed to know when her older children were coming home.  She would say to us, “Dick (or whoever it was) is coming today.”  How do you know?  Did he tell you he would be here?  “No, I just know he is coming.”  Sure enough, the expected person would arrive before the day was over.  This happened numerous times and with numerous children.  Somehow, Mom knew when her children were coming home!

                Like all good mothers, my mother also made many sacrifices for her children.  A favorite story in our family is how Mom stayed up all night to crochet an outfit for a doll so that my older sister could take her doll to school for show-and-tell.  Mom was always willing to stop what she was doing in order to help her child or children. 

                When I was in the first grade, I missed the after school bus.  My mother had given birth to my little sister, her eleventh child, just a few days previously.  When she learned that I had not been on the bus, she immediately jumped in the car to go get me.  My oldest sister, who had just arrived home from school, grabbed the baby and jumped in the car with her.  I understand that Mom broke the speed limit as she drove the ten miles to the school.  My teacher knew that my mother would be there as quickly as she could get there, and she stayed with me until Mom arrived.

                Mom was my “security blanket,” but I did not know it until after she passed away.  I was a wife with several children when Mom died, and yet I felt as though I was a little child.  I found this very strange because my mother and I did not have a particularly close relationship.  She was the mother, and I was the child.  We spoke of things that we needed to speak about, but our relationship was definitely not one of “friends.”  I moved to Alaska about six years before Mom died and made just a few trips home in those years; we wrote occasional letters but only made emergency telephone calls.  We did not make many long distance telephone calls during those years because calls from Alaska were very expensive. 

I returned home for a family reunion in August 1978.  It was a joyous reunion and the only time that Mom had all her children together in one place.  She gave birth to twelve children over a period of twenty-four years, and three of her children were married with babies of their own when Mom gave birth to her last child.  (The next time all her children were together was at her funeral.)  As I sat on the airplane waiting to return to Alaska, my parents were standing on the tarmac waving to me.  The Holy Ghost whispered to me that the next time I visited them would be for a funeral, but I had no idea when that time would come or whose funeral it would be.

A week before Mom died, my husband called his parents on some matter of business, and after he hung up the telephone, I was prompted to call my mother.  I could not think of anything to tell her besides “I love you, Mom” so I did not make that call.  A week later when I learned of her death I very much regretted that I had not called Mom and told her one last time how much I love her.  I know that she has forgiven me for my thoughtlessness because she has visited me in my dreams on several different occasions, particularly when I needed the security of feeling my mother near me.

                “Mother” is such a wonderful name, and my mother was – and still is – worthy of being honored by her posterity.  In fact, I believe the following poem was inspired by a mother such as mine.  “The Name of Mother” was written by George Griffith Fether (Best-Loved Poems of the LDS People, edited by Jack M. Lyon and others (1996), 218).

                The holiest words my tongue can frame,

                The noblest thoughts my soul can claim,

                Unworthy are to praise the name

                More precious than all other.

                An infant, when her love first came,

                A man, I find it still the same,

                Reverently I breathe her name,

                The blessed name of mother.

                Mothers of all ages, races, and religions are special to their children and those they mother, and Mother’s Day is an appropriate time to honor them.  Several faith groups produced this non-denominational video message for Mother’s Day because they wanted to remind all people everywhere of the importance of families and the place that mothers hold in them.  I love the statement, "Life doesn't come with a manual.  It comes with a mother."

                For those young mothers who are in the front lines of rearing children, I am including a link to some good advice from Ann Romney.   In this video, Mrs. Romney – who would have been a wonderful First Lady – shares some of her secrets to the magic of mothering.

                Mother’s Day has become a wonderful day for me because I spend the day thinking about my mother and the special place she holds in my heart.  I know that the love of a mother such as mine is powerful and has great influence.  I know that my mother has gone ahead and is preparing a mansion for her posterity for eternity.  This knowledge has motivated me to live a good life in order that I can join my mother and father one day and be with them forever.  Happy Mother’s Day, Mom!