Do Men Need Marriage and Fatherhood for Success?

Families, communities, states, and nations are stronger when men take their rightful of positions as husbands and fathers. “America’s men are not OK,” according to a growing consensus of progressives and conservatives. According to an article by Brad Wilcox and Maria Baer published in The Deseret News, men are moving rightward politically to correct their situation. This direction was shown by the numbers of Black and Latino men who moved into the Republican camp during the 2024 presidential campaign. 

This isn’t exactly a political phenomenon – although men are changing politically, too. Last summer, economist Tyler Cowen detected a “vibe shift” in American culture, noting people were drifting rightward. Among his 19 reasons for the shift, Cowen noted the falling fortunes of males were driving men, including Black and Latino men, “into the Republican camp.” ….

Changing political preferences isn’t necessarily a sign of crisis. But the fact that a growing number of American men are clearly dissatisfied with the male status quo has forced some otherwise progressive thinkers to admit something’s changing….

Until very recently, it may have been considered sexist – or at least politically tone-deaf – to suggest American men are suffering….

But the data paint a different picture; and it’s getting much harder to ignore.

In his landmark 2022 book “Of Boys and Men,” Richard Reeves chronicled the falling fortunes of America’s young men. He found that men aren’t attending college at the same rate as women – higher ed is now about 60% female. In elementary and high school, boys make up two-thirds of the worst-performing students. And we know that 1 in 4 men without college degrees are not employed full-time.

Most importantly, men are between two and three times as likely as women to suffer “deaths of despair” – death by alcohol, drug use or suicide. Hundreds of thousands of men have died from deaths of despair in the past two decades.

Half a century ago, anthropologist Margaret Mead memorably argued that a healthy nation must have a place for its men…. Men need a mission. When they can’t find it in family life, societies flounder.

This couldn’t be more visible for our kids. Our research at the Institute for Family Studies has demonstrated the catastrophic social consequences of absentee fatherhood and family breakdown. When children are raised outside of an intact family, those children are markedly more likely to struggle in school, to tangle with the law and to struggle in the workforce. The data show a clear “two-parent advantage” for kids, especially boys. Our most striking finding is that boys raised outside of an intact family with two biological parents are more likely to go to prison or jail than they are to graduate from college. By contrast, boys raised by their two married, biological parents are about twice as likely to graduate from college as they are to land in prison.

But there’s another surprising discovery in the data. Stable marriages don’t just benefit kids. Married fatherhood greatly benefits the men in those marriages, too.

First, the obligations of family life motivate men to work harder and smarter; fathers literally make more money when they have kids, provided that they are married to the mother of their children. But the benefits of marriage and family life transcend economics. The data suggest being a married family man also protects men from self-destruction. Deaths of despair, for instance, are markedly lower in places where more men (and women) are married, economist Jonathan Rothwell at Gallup recently found….

Protecting and providing for a wife and children exacts a high cost from men. When married dads rise to the occasion, they no doubt value their own lives more highly than they might otherwise. Men need to feel needed, and our country needs more men who know that they are on a mission to serve their families. In fact, the anthropologist Nicholas Townsend has observed that, for most men, “marriage, work, and fatherhood” go together as a “package deal.” …

Heavenly Father has a plan for the eternal happiness of His children. His plan includes marriage between one man and one woman and their children living and loving together. Strong biological families are best for fathers, mothers, and children, and strong families strengthen their communities, states, and nations.

Do You Understand the Value of Fathers?

Strong families, communities, and nations need strong fathers. America needs men and women to recognize that fathers are essential for happy, healthy, and successful children. Yet, “one of two American children will spend the entirety of their childhood living with both biological parents,” according to an article published by Esther Larsen at The Deseret News. The article concluded as follows: 

One big reason so many of the boys and men in our nation are having trouble is that too many males are distanced from fatherhood, either as practitioners of paternal love or recipients of that love. Family breakdown and distant dads spell trouble for boys and men alike. So the philanthropic community needs to strengthen marriage, underline the importance of dads and help all fathers – both residential and nonresidential – strengthen their ties with their children.

In particular, foundations and wealthy individuals should get behind initiatives that strengthen marriage…. They could also help initiatives that provide compelling messaging around fathering and the irreplaceable role of fathers on social media …  which encourages young men and women to put marriage before the baby carriage.

Finally, we need to build networks of support for dads and husbands…. The aim here is to maximize initiatives that will make our country a place where Father’s Day is a day of true celebration for ever more men, women and children.

Sunday is Fathers’ Day, and millions of fathers will be honored by their wives, children, and grandchildren. As we honor fathers this weekend, we must make sure that they know how important they are to children of all ages. Strong fathers are essential for strong families, strong communities, and strong nations.

How Do Fathers Teach Their Sons to Be Real Men?

Families, communities, and nations are stronger when parents set good examples for their children. People have long suspected that boys learn how to become men by watching their fathers, and girls learn how to become women by watching their mothers.

Researchers noticed that today’s “men express their maleness in different ways.” So they studied men to learn how “men develop their ideas, beliefs and behaviors in relation to masculinity.” They learned that young men “copy” the masculinity of their fathers. 

While the authors describe masculinity different than I do, they have actual evidence that young men copy their fathers and become like them. This shows that fathers are invaluable in the development of the rising generation.

The secret to developing young men who use their masculinity properly is for fathers to model good examples. Young men who watch their fathers protect women and children will automatically know that they should treat women and children with kindness and gentleness.

Over the past twenty years, I have watched my grandsons imitate their fathers. My study was purely observational and did not yield any scientific evidence. However, I recognize the power that good fathers can have with their sons.

One way to end many of the crime problems involving youth is for fathers to teach their sons how to be real men and use both words and actions to do so. As fathers take their rightful place as leaders in their homes, their sons and daughters will be blessed, and families, communities, and nations will be stronger.

 

What Is the Effect of Involved Fathers on Adolescents?

             Families, communities, and nations are stronger when fathers are involved physically, mentally, and emotionally with their children. It is no secret that the traditional family structure has suffered due to progressive ideology that downplays the important different between men and women. Despite the damage down to family structures, Phil Shiver wrote that “fathers play an incredibly important role in the lives of their children.” 

A recent study by researchers at Penn State University, however, has rediscovered the distinctive role that fathers play in raising healthy, mature children.

The study fund specifically that closeness with fathers serves a distinctive role in helping children weather the turbulent years of adolescence by positively affecting the self-esteem, weight management, and prevalence of depressive symptoms in both girls and boys, the Penn State report said.

Anna Hochgraf, a doctoral candidate in human development and family studies at the university, who led the research project, noted that while emotionally close relationships with both fathers and mothers had positive effects on children, fathers had a broader influence.

“Adolescents tend to feel emotionally closer to their mothers than to their fathers and mothers tend t4o have supportive conversations with their children more frequently than fathers do,” Hochgraf said. “This may make emotional closeness with fathers more salient and, in turn, protective against these common adjustment problems experienced during adolescence.”

            The study involved “388 adolescents from 202 two-parent families with both fathers and mothers.” The researchers gathered information from adolescents who were between the age of 12 and 20 years old. They “inquired about participants’ weight concerns, symptoms of depression, and self-esteem, and measured the intimacy between parents and their kids.” The researchers found “distinctive effects of relationships between children and each of their parents at different times during adolescence” with varied results.

For example, the study found that “father-youth intimacy was associated with fewer weight concerns across most of adolescence for girls and boys, and mother-youth intimacy was associated with boys’ but not girls’ weight concerns, and only in early adolescence.”

“Father-youth intimacy was associated with fewer depressive symptoms for boys and girls across most of adolescence, whereas mother-youth intimacy was associated with fewer depressive symptoms in mid-adolescence,” researchers said.

“Finally, father-youth intimacy was associated with higher self-esteem from early through mid-adolescence for boys and girls, whereas mother-youth intimacy was associated with higher self-esteem across most of adolescence for girls [but only] during early and late adolescence for boys,” they added.

            According to the researchers, their “study highlights the special role fathers play in raising children and underscores the importance, generally, of parents establishing emotionally close relationships with their children.” The study supports what this writer has always stated. Strong families need involved fathers, and strong families will strengthen communities and nations.

Fatherhood

            I know that motherhood is a sacred and important role for women, but I am just learning about the importance of fatherhood. This learning has taken place over several years and has come by way of my sons and sons by marriage.

            These fine young men – now more middle age men – amaze me with the way they interact with their children. I see things in the relationships between these sons and their children that I have never observed previously. I certainly did not see it in my relationship with my father or in the relationships of my husband and children. Because my sons are such good fathers, my grandchildren are greatly blessed in many ways.

            I was recently walking through a Deseret Book Store when I saw a book written by my “favorite” Apostle. Even though I admire and respect all the Apostles and appreciate the counsel given by each of them, I know Elder D. Todd Christofferson personally. He knows who I am and knows my name even though he knows little about me. This little bit of personal knowledge shared with Elder Christofferson makes him seem extra special to me.

            Elder Christofferson’s book is titled The Good That Men Can Do and can be purchased through Deseret Book Store. Elder Christofferson writes about fatherhood and the good that men can do in their roles of husbands and fathers. He shares the following quote from David Blankenhorn, the author of Fatherless America.

Today, American society is fundamentally divided and ambivalent about the fatherhood idea. Some people do not even remember it. Others are offended by it. Others, including more than a few family scholars, neglect it or disdain it. Many other are not especially opposed to it, nor are they especially committed to it. Many people wish we could act on it, but believe that our society simply no longer can or will (2).

            I am grateful that my sons are taking seriously the counsel given by prophets and apostles about their important roles as husbands and fathers. “The Family: A Proclamation to the World” states very clearly that it is “by divine design” [that] fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families.” Of course, fathers and mothers are supposed to support each other in their roles.

            Elder Christofferson gives three keys to the good that can be done “in social terms” by men who are trying to be good fathers. “The key for men is to be fathers. The key for children is to have fathers. The key for society is to create fathers” (13). He also emphasizes that “fatherhood is much more than a social construct or the product of evolution. The role of father is of divine origin, beginning with a Father in Heaven and, in this mortal sphere, with Father Adam” (15). I love the following statement.

The perfect, divine expression of fatherhood is our Heavenly Father. His character and attributes include abundant goodness and perfect love. His work and glory are the development, happiness, and eternal life of His children….

Again, the ultimate model is our Heavenly Father, who so loved us, His spirit children, that He gave us His Only Begotten Son for our salvation and exaltation. Jesus said, “Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.” Fathers manifest that love as they lay down their lives day by day, laboring in the service and support of their families (17, 22).

            In addition to sacrificing for their children, Christofferson suggests that fathers teach their children about Heavenly Father. They can do this by studying the scriptures with them as well as using informal discussions, working and playing together, and simply listening to their children. He says that fathers are to discipline and correct their children with love and to teach them to work. He states that the most important thing that a father can do is to love the mother of his children and to show that love.

            My sons are much more involved in the lives of their children than my father was, but my father did many good things for his children. I knew even as a small child that my father loved my mother, and I felt great security in my home. My father not only showed his love for my mother, but he insisted that we show respect to her. I knew that I would answer to my father if I did not show respect to his beloved wife. Dad taught me to work and to work hard. He also taught us the importance of play.

            My father worked the graveyard shift at a gas station and still worked his farm during the day. He slept for a few hours at a time, but I do not remember him ever sleeping for an 8-hour period of time. He also took the time to play games with us, particularly card games at holiday time. He loved to tickle us and give us whisker tea (rub our faces with his whiskers).

            I did not appreciate my father so much while I was a child, but I learned of his greatness as an adult. I watched as he continued to learn and to become a better man as he grew older. He is a great example to me, and I look forward to seeing him again and being taught once again by him. Yes, I continue to learn of the importance and value of fathers and fatherhood.

            A wonderful video about fatherhood can be found here. 

Fatherhood

                Families, communities, and nations are strengthened when men and women realize that parenthood is the reason we are created, the reason we are on earth. Heavenly Father, through His Son, Jesus Christ, created this earth for the purpose of teaching and training His spirit children to become like Him. One of God’s expectations of us is that we will partner with Him in creating bodies for other spirits to come to earth also.

                Blogger Matt Walsh recently wrote an interesting article in reply to message he received on Facebook. The message came from a young man whose wife was pregnant with their first child. He was worried that he was not “dad material” because he enjoys his free time, trips, vacations, and having fun with his wife.

                Walsh explained that he should relax because no one is “dad material” or “mom material” before they become dad or mom. Everyone enjoys their free time, trips, vacations, etc. “We all like to relax, come and go at our own leisure, and generally exercise control over our lives.”

                After explaining why men need to become fathers, Walsh writes, “So you don’t feel like you could fit a kid into your life exactly as it is right now? You’re right. You’d have to change it. But that raises the real question: Is it worth it? You like your free time and your vacations, but is there something better out there? Is there something deeper to be found in life if you dig for it?

                Walsh says that “every man is meant to serve and protect others. All men are meant to deny themselves. All men are meant to love self-sacrificially. All men are meant to give themselves up, as Christ did on the cross. All men are called to provide strength and moral leadership. All men must have a father’s heart, no matter what they’re doing with their lives. And the fact that any man is afraid of giving himself to a greater cause doesn’t mean that he’s not meant to do it….

                “I truly believe that no man can ever be happy or satisfied until he embraces his role as a father, in whatever capacity. As long as he lives like a boy, as long as he lives only for his toys and his free time, he’ll be miserable because there’s just not enough in all that stuff to sustain a man. Some men will find their fatherhood role outside of biological or adoptive fatherhood, and they’ll be happy there. But most men, like us, will find fatherhood in fatherhood….”

                Walsh answers the question, “what do I get out of being a father” with a list of blessings: “A sense of purpose. A reason. A cause. An entire universe you never knew existed. An outlet for that self-sacrificing love that all men fundamentally desire to give….”

                Fatherhood is not easy, but it is possible and worthwhile. Becoming a father – or a mother – is fulfilling the purpose for your existence on earth. When fathers and mothers understand the importance of fatherhood, our families, communities, and nations are strengthened.

Fathers

                Father’s Day is here once again. It is a day when we honor the fathers in our lives. Of course, we should give honor to our biological father. We should give honor to any other man who has acted as a father to us. We should give the most honor and glory to our Father in Heaven who watches over each of us every day. Wise men and women understand that fathers are important in our lives and particularly in the lives of children and teens.

                Ditta M. Oliker, Ph.D., wrote about “The Importance of Fathers” in an article published by Psychology Today. She quotes from a report in “Fathers and Their Impact on Children’s Well-Being.” The report states, “Even from birth, children who have an involved father are more likely to be emotionally secure, be confident to explore their surrounds, and, as they grow older, have better social connections.

                “The way fathers play with their children also has an important impact on a child’s emotional and social development. Fathers spend a higher percentage of their one-to-one interactions with infants and preschoolers in stimulating, playful activity than do mothers. From these interactions, children learn how to regulate their feelings and behavior.

                “Children with involved, caring fathers have better educational outcomes. The influence of a father’s involvement extends into adolescence and young adulthood. Numerous studies find that an active and nurturing style of fathering is associated with better verbal skills, intellectual functioning, and academic achievements among adolescents.” 

                Oliker then asks, “What is the reality these days? There is no question that fathers do play an important part in their children’s lives; that the majority of studies affirm that an involved father can play a crucial role particularly in the cognitive, behavioral and general health and well-being areas of a child’s life; that having a positive male role model helps an adolescent boy develop positive gender-role characteristics; that adolescent girls are more likely to form positive opinions of men and are better able to relate to them when fathered by an involved father; that it is generally accepted, under most circumstances, a father’s presence and involvement can be as crucial to a child’s healthy development as is the mother’s; and that experiencing validation of their importance in the general parenting literature has made fathers much more conscious of their value and, in turn, leads to their greater desire to be involved.”

                As Oliker states, fathers are important in the lives of children from the time they are born. An involved father has a great impact in the life of his child or children. This impact is felt both emotionally and socially. Fathers teach values and principles that are difficult for mothers to teach.

                In a General Conference talk given in October 1987 and titled “To the Father in Israel,” President Ezra Taft Benson explained that fatherhood is an “eternal calling from which you are never released… and its importance transcends time. It is a calling for both time and eternity.”

                President Benson then quoted President Harold B. Lee. Whenever a prophet quotes another prophet, we should pay extra attention to the counsel. President Lee said that “the most important of the Lord’s work that you [fathers] will ever do will be the work you do within the walls of your own home. [Other] Church duties are all important, but the most important work is within the walls of our home.”

                Then President Benson then gave “two basic responsibilities” that belong to every father “within the sacred walls of his home.” They are: (1) the “sacred responsibility to provide for the material needs of our family” and

(2) the “sacred responsibility to provide spiritual leadership in your family.”

                Fatherhood is a divinely appointed responsibility that lasts throughout the mortal existence and into eternity. Fathers, particularly involved fathers, deserve honor, love, and respect.

                I am blessed to have an involved father. He was not a perfect man, but he did the best he could with the circumstances he had. He taught the importance of work, honest, integrity, and many other principles to my siblings and me. He worked hard to provide for my mother and their twelve children. I miss being able to go to him for counsel, and I look forward to associating with him once again in the next life. Happy Father’s Day, Dad!

Father's Day

Father's Day is a special day set aside to honor our fathers and to express our gratitude and appreciation for our fathers and to them. It became an official national holiday in 1972 when President Richard M. Nixon signed Father's Day into law.

Credit for the adoption of a day for fathers in the United States is given to Sonora Louise Smart Dodd of Spokane, Washington. After listening to a sermon on Mother's Day in 1909, she got the idea for a day to honor her father, William Jackson Smart. Sonora's mother died in 1898, and her father raised the six children by himself. Through Sonora's efforts, Spokane celebrated the first Father's Day on June 19, 1910. Father's Day is now an official holiday celebrated on the third Sunday in June.

I am grateful for the fathers in my life: my own father, my father-in-law, my husband who is the father of our six children, and my sons and sons-in-law who are the fathers of my grandchildren. I especially love to watch my sons and sons-in-law being fathers to their children. It touches my heart in a way that nothing else does! To all of these special fathers, I say thank you and Happy Father's Day.

A father holds an important position in a family. He has the responsibility to 1) preside over his family in love and righteousness, 2) provide the necessities of life for his family, and 3) protect his family from all harmful influences.

Ephesians 6:4 reads, "And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord."

Gordon B. Hinckley, a modern-day prophet, said, "The father is the provider, the defender, the counselor, the friend who will listen and give support when needed. Who better than an exemplary father to effectively teach children the value of education, the dead-end nature of street gangs, and the miracle of self-esteem that can change their lives for good?" (See Stand A Little Taller, p 169.)

Just as being a mother is more than simply giving birth, being a father is much more than simply fertilizing an egg. The most important thing that a father can do for his children is to love their mother and to insist that the children show proper respect to his wife and their mother. A recent study of the effect of marriage on poverty (1929-2008) shows that children have a much lower chance of growing up in poverty if their parents are married. The break down of the family in recent years emphasizes the important role that father fills in a family. In 1963, 93 percent of American children were born to married parents. Today the number has dropped to 59 percent. Children are fortunate if they grow up in a home that functions properly with father as the head of the family and mother as the heart. Fathers and mothers working together for the good of families are very important in establishing and maintaining a strong society.

Married fathers in the home gives stability to the entire family. Broken societies come from broken homes. Fatherless homes also are a principle reason for poverty. Fatherhood has not only "social or cultural consequences; it is a menacing national security threat. The collective social pathology of the fatherless presents a great obstacle to Liberty and the survival of our republican form of government as outlined by our Constitution.
"Father's Day should thus be a call to action. Indeed, the majority of social entropy afflicting our nation today originates in homes without fathers, which definition includes those without functioning or effective fathers." (Mark Alexander, publisher of The Patriot Post) [patriotpost.us/alexander/2011/06/16/who-needs-a-father]
I want to wish a happy Father's Day to all fathers and especially to those fathers who recognize the value of father being in the home and taking an active part in the family.