How Important Are Fathers in the Lives of Their Children?

            Since this is the week of Father’s Day, my VIP for this week is fathers who impact their posterity for good. There are people in our society who believe that fathers are unnecessary in the lives of children, at least after the act of conception. The Child and Family Advocacy Society at Brigham Young University-Idaho believes otherwise. They recently posted a meme with the following information on Facebook.

Fathers do much more than society realizes. They provide important socializing skills, moral traits, and even physiological changes when present in their children’s lives. Children suffer when fathers aren’t present. How has your father blessed your life?

Fathers PLAY Differently

They tickle, wrestle, and roughhouse more. This kind of play helps children learn when not to use physical violence. Through the father’s play children learn self-control.

Fathers BUILD Confidence

Fathers tend to encourage running faster, climbing higher, and throwing farther. Fathers encourage children to push limits. This helps children learn boundaries and strengths, which builds confidence.

Fathers PREPARE for the World

Fathers are more likely to deliver hard truths that need to be heard. They value children knowing the reality, even if the truth might be uncomfortable or unflattering.

Fathers DISCIPLINE Differently

Fathers tend to focus on justice, fairness, and duty. They tend to enforce rules more consistently and timely. Children develop a stronger sense of right and wrong.

Fathers SPEAK Differently

Fathers don’t tend to modify their language when speaking to children. Father’s teach new words, expand comprehension, strengthen linguistic skills.

Why Fathers Matter

63% of teen suicides are fatherless

70% of juvenile delinquents are fatherless

71% of dropouts are fatherless

80% of rapists are fatherless

85% of youths in prison are fatherless

90% of homeless children are fatherless

            The post emphasized that “both fathers and mothers are important” in the lives of their children. “It is their strengths and differences that create healthy children. Fathers are a vital part of a child’s development.” Another bit of information: “Sadly, over fifteen million children in the US are living in a fatherless home – 25% of all children have this reality.”

            Today, I want to recognize the men who are fathering their children. As a grandmother, I have lots of opportunities to watch how my children mother and father their children. I must say that I am amazed at their parenting skills. All of my grandchildren live in homes where their fathers and mothers are actively involved with them. For this fact, I am grateful!

Fathers

                Father’s Day is here once again. It is a day when we honor the fathers in our lives. Of course, we should give honor to our biological father. We should give honor to any other man who has acted as a father to us. We should give the most honor and glory to our Father in Heaven who watches over each of us every day. Wise men and women understand that fathers are important in our lives and particularly in the lives of children and teens.

                Ditta M. Oliker, Ph.D., wrote about “The Importance of Fathers” in an article published by Psychology Today. She quotes from a report in “Fathers and Their Impact on Children’s Well-Being.” The report states, “Even from birth, children who have an involved father are more likely to be emotionally secure, be confident to explore their surrounds, and, as they grow older, have better social connections.

                “The way fathers play with their children also has an important impact on a child’s emotional and social development. Fathers spend a higher percentage of their one-to-one interactions with infants and preschoolers in stimulating, playful activity than do mothers. From these interactions, children learn how to regulate their feelings and behavior.

                “Children with involved, caring fathers have better educational outcomes. The influence of a father’s involvement extends into adolescence and young adulthood. Numerous studies find that an active and nurturing style of fathering is associated with better verbal skills, intellectual functioning, and academic achievements among adolescents.” 

                Oliker then asks, “What is the reality these days? There is no question that fathers do play an important part in their children’s lives; that the majority of studies affirm that an involved father can play a crucial role particularly in the cognitive, behavioral and general health and well-being areas of a child’s life; that having a positive male role model helps an adolescent boy develop positive gender-role characteristics; that adolescent girls are more likely to form positive opinions of men and are better able to relate to them when fathered by an involved father; that it is generally accepted, under most circumstances, a father’s presence and involvement can be as crucial to a child’s healthy development as is the mother’s; and that experiencing validation of their importance in the general parenting literature has made fathers much more conscious of their value and, in turn, leads to their greater desire to be involved.”

                As Oliker states, fathers are important in the lives of children from the time they are born. An involved father has a great impact in the life of his child or children. This impact is felt both emotionally and socially. Fathers teach values and principles that are difficult for mothers to teach.

                In a General Conference talk given in October 1987 and titled “To the Father in Israel,” President Ezra Taft Benson explained that fatherhood is an “eternal calling from which you are never released… and its importance transcends time. It is a calling for both time and eternity.”

                President Benson then quoted President Harold B. Lee. Whenever a prophet quotes another prophet, we should pay extra attention to the counsel. President Lee said that “the most important of the Lord’s work that you [fathers] will ever do will be the work you do within the walls of your own home. [Other] Church duties are all important, but the most important work is within the walls of our home.”

                Then President Benson then gave “two basic responsibilities” that belong to every father “within the sacred walls of his home.” They are: (1) the “sacred responsibility to provide for the material needs of our family” and

(2) the “sacred responsibility to provide spiritual leadership in your family.”

                Fatherhood is a divinely appointed responsibility that lasts throughout the mortal existence and into eternity. Fathers, particularly involved fathers, deserve honor, love, and respect.

                I am blessed to have an involved father. He was not a perfect man, but he did the best he could with the circumstances he had. He taught the importance of work, honest, integrity, and many other principles to my siblings and me. He worked hard to provide for my mother and their twelve children. I miss being able to go to him for counsel, and I look forward to associating with him once again in the next life. Happy Father’s Day, Dad!

Importance of Fathers

                Families, communities and nations are strengthened when children are raised with the loving and caring influence of fathers.  Children who are raised without the influence of their father are like ships out on the seas without rudders; neither fatherless children nor rudderless ships have proper guidance and are easily lost.

                The First Presidency and the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints published a Proclamation to the World about families in September 1995.  The following statement is included in the proclamation:  “The family is ordained of God.  Marriage between man and woman is essential to His eternal plan.  Children are entitled to birth within the bonds of matrimony, and to be reared by a father and a mother who honor marital vows with complete fidelity….   By divine design fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families….”

                Our modern society mistakenly believes that fathers are dispensable.  I believe that the attacks on the family come from Satan through evil people.  I believe that evil sources are destroying families by the suggestions that marriage is unimportant.  I also believe that the destruction of families is part of the plan to destroy the liberty of our nation.

                Kelly O’Connell, attorney, author, and talk show host, asked some important questions about the influence of fathers:  Is fatherhood being killed so the State can play God?  If fathers are removed from society, how can anyone understand authority?  Is there a master plan for the subjugation of the human race?  “From a purely secular standpoint, the health of a society can be measured by the vitality of fatherhood, according to relevant statistics.  More importantly, the health of a society can be best measured from its ability to grasp the concept of God, the Father.  For example, a society which merely accepts the God concept without differentiating between the elements of the Trinity is devolving towards paganism.  But who would desire such a purge?

                “Trenchantly, Jim Sheridan – director of the academy-award-winning “In the Name of the Father” – once stated, `If you want to destroy a society, remove the fathers.’  The presence and activity of dads in a culture is so important that they cannot be removed without precipitating collapse, according to David Popenoe in Fathers, Marriage, and Children in American Society.  Statistics clearly illustrate this claim.  America is now increasingly fatherless.  Popular sentiment, along with social engineering, academic pseudo-scholarship, and religious heresy all add to an unprecedented assault upon marriage and fatherhood.  From a biblical viewpoint, this assault on the Father is a challenge upon the very structure of the universe and creation – whereas the Father initiated creation, carried out by His Son and Spirit.  Marriage, as a symbol of the relationship between Christ and His Church, is made superfluous when Christianity no longer sets the mores of a society – as has evolved in America today.”

                O’Connell’s article is long but has some very interesting data about the importance of fathers in the home and the effects of little or no fatherly influence.  He proposed that “if one were specifically to design a culture and a social system for the express purpose of undercutting fatherhood and men’s contribution to family life, our current society would be close to what would result.  Consider the following key elements one would want to incorporate:  1) Make marriage into a very weak institution; 2) Sexualize the society; 3) Have an education system that does not recognize workers’ family responsibilities and that stresses ever-increasing material consumption; 4) Develop a culture that heavily stresses individualism; 5) In social discourse, through the media, and in the design of the built environment, deemphasize the importance of children to the continuation of society; 6) Overlook the importance of fathering when discussing male gender roles; 7) When fathering is discussed, don’t mention that fathers are unique and irreplaceable as protectors, challengers, disciplinarians and guides.”

                This very interesting article concludes with this statement followed by statistics to prove his points:  “If fathers have to be removed before a tyranny is established, America is well on the way.  Note the following statistics to understand what grave danger America now is in regarding the loss of fathers.  To reject fathers is to reject our historic Western approach to life.  What follows can only be the bloodbath of liberty first, followed by humans, later.”  The statistics were at the end of the article.

                The Savior showed us how to pray to God and did so by addressing God as “Father” – “Our Father who art in heaven….”  God, the most powerful Person in the universe, wants His children to call Him “Father.”  A visual that shows the importance of fathers can be found here.  This video illustrates why Fathers are important in the rearing of both sons and daughters and why families often do not succeed when Father is missing.

                More than fifteen years ago, Prophets and Apostles proclaimed the importance of marriage and fathers to the world.  We can discern by looking at our society today that their warning fell on many deaf ears.  Our nation and other nations of the world are slowly slipping into destruction, and one of the reasons for the decay in our society is the destruction of families and single mothers rearing children alone.  We must put fathers back at the head of our families in order to strengthen our families, communities and nations.

Disappearing Fathers

I enjoyed a wonderful Christmas surrounded by family and friends, but I could not eliminate thoughts of  Newtown, Connecticut, from my mind.  I was somewhat hindered in my attempts because I have three six-year-old granddaughters.  Every time  I think of the children in Connecticut, I see the faces of my granddaughters.

I am not so concerned about the little children who were killed because I know that they are basking in the love and presence of our Heavenly Father.  I am however very interested in assuring that no more innocent people are killed and have often pondered what we as a nation should do to protect our children.   I am also very much concerned with the children of all ages who were traumatized by the useless killing and how their experience will affect their future lives.

Vincent DiCaro published on the fatherhood blog about the connection between disappearing fathers and tragedies of the type that happened at Sandy Hook Elementary School.  He wrote, “While it is not our job at NFI [National Fatherhood Initiative] to figure out how to solve issues around gun control and mental health treatment, we would be remiss not to point out that once again, like in so many tragedies of this nature, there appears to be a significant `father factor’ at play.

                “As we learn more and more about the troubled life of shooter Adam Lanza, it appears that the divorce of his parents had a significant negative impact on his life.

                “It is becoming clear that Adam Lanza suffered from some sort of emotional or psychological disorder that has not yet been specified.  It also appears that this mental disorder contributed significantly to the heinous crime he committed.  However, we know from research that children from father-absent homes are more likely to have emotional problems and are also more likely to commit crimes….”

                The fatherhood blog wrote previous articles about the father factor in other mass murders and the patterns found in those cases.  No one knows if things would have been different if Adam Lanza’s father had been more involved with his son.  As we “work together to devise solutions that will reduce the likelihood of this sort of tragedy happening again” we must “ensure that all children have involved, responsible, and committed fathers in their lives who can help them navigate a difficult world, one that is especially difficult for the mentally ill.”

                Our society must recognize that fathers are valuable people in the lives of their children.  I believe that many of our societal problem a regular basis.  I understand that one-third of all children have no relationship at all with their fathers while another one-third see their fathers only once a month.

 

                Luke Rosiak at The Washington Times also wrote about fathers disappearing from households all across our nation.  “In every state, the portion of families where children have two parents, rather than one, has dropped significantly over the past decade.  Even as the country added 160,000 families with children, the number of two-parent households decreased by 1.2 million.  Fifteen million U.S. children, or 1 in 3, live without a father, and nearly 5 million live without a mother.  In 1960, just 11 percent of American children lived in homes without fathers.”

                Rosiak referred to the article by DiCaro and indicated that DiCaro counseled us to “Deal with absent fathers, and the rest follows.”  The “rest” includes “poverty, crime, drugs and other problems.”  When we “look at a child in need, in poverty or failing in school” and want to help that child, we must ask, “Why does that child need help in the first place?”  “The answer is often” the absence of “a responsible and involved father.”  I found the charts about families in Rosiak’s article to be very interesting and suggest that you link to his article to see them.

                If our national and state leaders really want to make a difference in the lives of our children, they would stop blaming the problems on guns and look to the underlying causes.  A typical single mother earns approximately one-third the income of a married couple with children.  When there is no father in the lives of her children, the typical single mother turns to the government for help in raising her children.  Although the government can dole out food stamps and low-cost housing, it is useless in properly preparing children and youth to be responsible adults.  The longer a single mother relies on government handouts, the further she goes down in “dangerous spiral” of government-assisted poverty.

                There is a great racial divide in this problem.  Rosiak wrote that census data shows that “the lack of live-in fathers also is overwhelmingly a black problem” “regardless of poverty status.”  “Among blacks, nearly 5 million children, or 54 percent, live with only their mother.  Twelve percent of black families below the poverty line have two parents present, compared with 41 percent of impoverished Hispanic families and 32 percent of poor white families….

                “In all but 11 states, most black children do not live with both parents.  In every state, 7 in 10 white children do.  In all states but Rhode Island and Massachusetts, most Hispanic children do.  In Wisconsin, 77 percent of white children and 61 percent of Hispanics live with both parents, compared with … 25 percent of black children.”

                The number of single-parent homes continues to increase from coast to coast and from the northern border to the southern border; the numbers also include every race and places known for their “family values.”  Black single mothers tend to have more children than black married mothers; single white mothers and single Hispanic mothers tend to have fewer children than married mothers. 

                We tend to follow the examples of our parents unless we make a definite decision to not follow their example.  I know people who were raised in cluttered homes who de-clutter their own homes regularly to avoid following the parental example.  The same would apply to whether the parents are married or single.  If the mother does not marry the father of her child, the child will probably not understand the need for marriage.  Teaching young men who were raised without a father’s influence how to be responsible fathers would be very difficult.  This is one reason why families continue living in the downward spiral of single parents, poverty, and crime.  I believe that this is the main reason why the number of single parents continues to increase.

Courageous Fathers

                    Courageous:  Honor Begins at Home is a movie released to theaters on September 30, 2011, and currently playing in theaters nationwide.  My husband and I watched the movie over the weekend and enjoyed it.  I highly recommend it to everyone who loves God and thinks fathers hold a very important position in our families.

                    Courageous was the fourth film produced by Sherwood Pictures, an independent Christian company.  It was produced on a $2,000,000 budget and grossed $2,000,000 in pre-sales on its opening weekend and grossed $9.1 million for the weekend.  The film received mixed reviews but scored a rare A+ rating from film goers.  The film is rated PG-13 due to violence; therefore, it is not appropriate for young children to see.

                    The main characters in the movie are police officers and their families.  The officers are involved in stopping drug smuggling in their city.  One day the sheriff shares some statistics about children raised in homes without fathers and encourages the officers to spend their off-duty time with their families.  The officers discuss the statistics, but they fail to take them to heart until tragedy strikes one of the families.  Six weeks later the officers are prepared to sign a "Resolution" to honor God in every aspect of their individual families and do so in a formal ceremony.  They later invite all the fathers in their congregation to join them in their resolve to be the best fathers possible.

                    The movie is well worth the time and money to see it, particularly if it lights the desire in its viewers to make the same resolve.  Almost any man can father a child, but begetting a child does not make a man into a father.  To become a real father - a more than just OK father - a man must care about his children enough to take the time and exert the effort to make a difference in a child's life.  He must unselfishly put the needs of his wife and children ahead of his own needs.

                    Fathers can affect their children either negatively or positively.  They can help their children reach their full potential or they can literally send them down the road to suicide, drugs, alcohol, sex, crime, gangs, and worse.  Fathers are the head of the home.  They are the leader, protector, and provider of the family.  The way they accept and fulfill their roles as fathers affects their children's growth and development - physically, emotionally, socially, and spiritually.   Men are instrumental in teaching their sons how to become men, and they are priceless in teaching their daughters how to be real women.  When a man loves his wife and models appropriate behavior towards her, his sons learn how to treat women appropriately and his daughters learn how real men treat women. Here is a very informative article entitled "The Importance of a Father in the Home"by Amanda Lynn Geesey. 

                    In another article entitled "The Importance of A Father," Dr. Stanley Watson of the Family Support Network wrote:  "The question, `Should a couple stay together for the sake of their children' is answered differently today from what it was 40 years ago.  In the 1950's opinions were evenly divided on the question, but by the year 1985 over 80 percent of the women polled said `yes' a couple should stay together for the sake of the children.   Today we appear to be more aware of the necessity of keeping families together for the sake of the children.  Only in rare cases should a married couple consider breaking up their home and depriving their children of a full time mother or father.

                    "The need for a mother is well established in our culture, but fathers in recent years have often been considered unnecessary.  If anyone ever doubted the worth of a father, they can be reassured by recent studies.  If more couples were aware of the father's influence in the home perhaps the trend toward fatherless families could be reversed."  For more of Dr. Watson'sarticle, go here.  

                    In yet another article entitled "The Importance of Fathers," Stephen F. Duncan, Ph.D., Professor, Family and Human Development Specialist, MSU Extension Service, wrote:  "There was a time when many authorities discounted the role of fathers in families.  They believed that fathers were merely a biological necessity.  As a result, researchers primarily studied mothers and their children.

                    "Recently, scientists have discovered fathers.  Researchers learned that fathers were not `optional family baggage.'  Studies show the importance of a caring father in the life of a child, boy or girl."  The rest of Dr.Duncan's article can be found here.

                    A psychologist, David Lowenstein, Ph.D., wrote still another paper entitled "The Importance of Fathers in the Home."  His article started:  "`Wait till your father gets home!' used to be a mother's ultimate threat.  But with the two-parent household becoming less and less common, a new research study in Child Development (1999) set out to study how important contact with dad is to children's development.  This study found that even when fathers do not live at home, children whose fathers are actively involved in their lives tend to have better cognitive and language skills and fewer behavior problems.  They found that fathers who are involved with their children have children with fewer problems.  That added involvement from a father helps children tremendously."  The rest of Dr. Lowenstein's short article ishere.  

                    In yet another article entitled "The Importance of Fathers," Mark Gungor wrote:  "We live in a culture today that minimizes the role of men, discounts the importance of fathers, and generally tends to dismiss the male gender as unnecessary.  Stemming from the women's lib movement that began in the late 1960s and early 1970s, the continuing and pervasive line of thinking says that women don't really need a man, they can do almost everything that a father does in a family and that men are pretty much obsolete.  Sadly, some go as far as employing the science of artificial insemination where a women doesn't even need the man for procreation, she only needs his sperm.

                    "So are men really only useful as sperm donors, or is there something that the feminist agenda is missing?  Studies have shown that, indeed, their thinking is very flawed and they are missing a great deal.  The bottom line of research says that it is the father who overwhelmingly determines the moral and spiritual development of the children.  Three separate studies that I have read come to mind:  One done by the Swiss government, a second reported by the Baptist Press  and finally a third one reported by MSNBC (hardly a Christian biased outlet).  A variety of sources - the government, church and the liberal left - yet these investigations show the same results.  All three sources support the important influence fathers have on their kids - shocking as that is to those in the `we-don't-need-men' club."  More of Gungor's article can be found here.  

                    I think that you have probably gotten the message that I consider fathers in the home to be extremely important - as do many other people.  Mothers can do more for their children by keeping the father active in their lives than they can do without him.  Mothers and fathers must start acting like adults and do what is best for their children.  Most of the problems in society today could be solved by keeping mother and father in the home!