Mother's Day

                    What does Mother's Day mean to you?  I have been a mother for forty years this year, and yet when I think of Mother's Day I always think of my mother.  You see, my mother passed away on May 5, 1979, just one week before Mother's Day.  Mother's Day that year was especially difficult, and the next Mother's Day was not much easier.  I also think of my husband's mother who passed away three years ago and how much good she brought into my life.

                    I think of my daughters - both those born into our family and those who married into our family - and their journeys down into the valley of the shadow of death in order to bring fourteen beautiful grandchildren into my life.  I watched as my second daughter gave birth to my very first grandchild and marveled at the miracle of live; however, I have declined opportunities to watch the birth of any other grandchildren simply because I do not enjoy watching my daughters suffer or even hearing their cries of pain.

                    I think about Mary, the mother of Jesus Christ, the Son of God.  We read in Luke 2 about the journey of Joseph and a very pregnant Mary as they traveled from Nazareth to Bethlehem in order to pay taxes.  Luke tells us of the birth of Jesus, the angel's announcement to the shepherds in the field, and the shepherds hastening to find the newborn Babe lying in the manger.  I love the entire Nativity Story, but I marvel at these words:  "But Mary kept all these things, and pondered them in her heart" (verse 19).

                    I think of Mary once again as she stood at the foot of the cross where Jesus Christ - her Son - hung.  Her heart must have been breaking and many tears falling as she watched her Son suffer such great pain.  John the Beloved wrote, "Now there stood by the cross of Jesus his mother….

                    "When Jesus therefore saw his mother, and the disciple standing by, whom he loved, he saith unto his mother, Woman, behold thy son!

                    "Then saith he to the disciple, Behold thy mother!  And from that hour that disciple took her unto his own home" (John 19:25-27).

                    I think of Lucy Mack Smith, the mother of the Prophet Joseph Smith, and marvel at her strength as she supported her son in his great mission of the restoration of the gospel of Jesus Christ.  I think particularly of the great pain she must have felt to have two of her sons - Joseph and Hyrum - murdered in cold blood and yet have strength to comfort her daughters-in-law.

Mothers and motherhood  are tender subjects.  Women who cannot have children ache to hold their own children.  Grown, and even hardened, men are known to become emotional at the mention of their mothers.  Children always want their mothers nearby, particularly when they are hurt or sick. Home is never quite the same place when mother is not there.  I remember a few times during my childhood and youth when I arrived home from school to find my mother not there.  The home was far from empty because my father was there and numerous siblings, but it felt empty because Mom was not there.

There have been many times since my mother's death that I have wished for just one more day with her or have gone to the telephone to call her.  My mother holds a very special place in my heart, which becomes even more special as I grow older.

Primary children often sing songs to their mothers in sacrament meeting on Mother's Day, and teenagers distribute potted plants or chocolates provided by the Bishopric.  I particularly remember Mother's Day one year after the death of my mother.  The Primary children were singing their songs, and I was in tears with memories of my own mother.  One Primary song that particularly reminds me of my mother is entitled "I Often Go Walking" written by Phyllis Luch with music by Jeanne P. Lawler.  My mother's favorite color was blue, and she really liked flowers and walking.

I often go walking in meadows of clover,

And I gather armfuls of blossoms of blue.

I gather the blossoms the whole meadow over;

Dear mother, all flowers remind me of you.

O mother, I give you my love with each flower

To give forth sweet fragrance a whole lifetime through;

For if I love blossoms and meadows and walking,

I learn how to love them, dear mother, from you.

                    President Thomas S. Monson stated, "It is in the home that we form our attitudes, our deeply held beliefs.  It is in the home that hope is fostered or destroyed.  Our homes are to be more than sanctuaries; they should also be places where God's Spirit can dwell, where the storm stops at the door, where love reigns and peace dwells."

                    To illustrate what he meant, President Monson then shared part of a letter written by a young mother:  "`Sometimes I wonder if I make a difference in my children's lives.  Especially as a single mother working two jobs to make ends meet, I sometimes come home to confusion, but I never give up hope.

                    "`My children and I were watching a television broadcast of general conference, and you were speaking about prayer.  My son made the statement, "Mother, you've already taught us that."  I said, "What do you mean?" And he replied, "Well, you've taught us to pray and showed us how, but the other night I came to your room to ask something and found you on your knees praying to Heavenly Father.  If He's important to you, He'll be important to me."'  The letter concluded, `I guess you never know what kind of influence you'll be until a child observes you doing yourself what you have tried to teach him to do.'  What a magnificent lesson a child learned from his mother" ("Becoming Our BestSelves," Liahona, Apr. 2006,2-6).    

As mothers, we are often too hard on ourselves.  Our children are so much a part of us that it is hard for us to allow them to use their agency and not pound on ourselves when they make mistakes.  We often expect perfection from ourselves and feel like failures when we don't have perfect results.  I know I have had my times of saying "if only I had …."  God had enough belief in us to entrust His children to us.  We can't be too bad!

                    I hope all mothers have a wonderful Mother's Day.  We all deserve it!               

Marriage, Then Motherhood

Motherhood today has a different face than in past years. Today's mothers are older, more educated, less often white, more often Hispanic - and more often single - than mothers of even 20 years ago. In 2008 41 percent of babies born in America were born to single mothers. In 1990 only 28% of babies were born to single mothers. This and other data was provided by the Pew Research Center just in time for Mother's Day. The number of unmarried women in their child-bearing years has been increasing since 1990. It is apparent that having a baby out of wedlock is not as shameful as it once was. Christian values are still important to Americans, but the public apparently thinks differently about the need for marriage before having babies. Traditional marriage is better for children emotionally, economically, and academically. These are facts obtained by comparing children from traditional marriages with those from step families or co-habitating couples. The research was taken from census reports and health statistics and show that couples in America and other western nations are marrying at older ages and having babies when they feel they can afford them. The number of babies born to unmarried mothers increased most among white women and women who were traditionally Catholic Hispanic. The birth rate for black single mothers in 1990 was 67 percent and 72 percent twenty years later. The decline in marriage is the result of many social problems, which include crime, divorce, and poverty. It is also the result of the decline in teaching personal responsibility to children and youth in past years. It is difficult for teenagers to understand why they should wait until marriage to become sexually active when the adults all around them are having sex without the benefits of marriage. Teenagers also have difficulty believing in marriage when their own parents divorce. The teenagers of today are behaving differently than those of yesteryear. The Pew study showed that the rate of births to teenage mothers in 1990 was 13 percent but had dropped to 10 percent in 2008. There is hope that the future will hold still further declines in the teen rate as well as that of older women. In order to strengthen families, responsible adults must teach by word and example that marriage is needed before participating in sex and that fidelity in marriage is very important to maintaining strong families.

Breast Feeding

I remember a time when the act of breast feeding a baby was considered old fashioned. At the time that my own children were infants, breast feeding was not common although I knew a number of women who did breast feed their babies. I do not remember the reason or reasons why I chose to nurse my babies, but I have many reasons to feel good about my choice. The latest reason came from an Associated Press article written by Lindsey Tanner and printed in the Anchorage Times on April 5, 2010. In her article, Tanner wrote: "The lives of nearly 900 babies would be saved each year, along with billions of dollars, if 90 percent of U.S. women breast-fed their babies for the first six months of life, a cost analysis says." Those results came from the on-line journal Pediatrics and are only an estimate of the savings possible. The article suggests that breast feeding may help prevent stomach viruses, ear infections, asthma, juvenile diabetes, Sudden Infant Death Syndrome and even childhood leukemia. It is apparent from this article that breast feeding has progressed from a life style choice of my time to a public health issue now. Some of the benefits provided by breast milk are: "… contains antibodies that help babies fight infections; can affect insulin levels in the blood, which may make breast-fed babies less likely to develop diabetes and obesity." About 12 percent of mothers follow the governmental guidelines for breast feeding, which recommend that "babies receive only breast milk for six months." About 43 percent of all mothers breast feed, wholly or partially, for six months. Mothers who do not breast feed at all or for shorter periods of time should not be blamed or feel guilty. Motherhood is not only the most important career, but it is also the most challenging career. Mothers who must work outside the home have an even more difficult road to travel. If you are doing the best that you know how to do for your baby, you are doing well! I simply want you to remember that this information is good to have for future babies or to share with other expectant mothers. All mothers need all the help possible! I nursed my babies for about four months, but I don't feel guilty about stopping. I was doing the best I could at the time with the knowledge I had. I would have nursed all of them longer if I had known then what I know now. I am very pleased that all of my grandchildren have been nursed and most of them for longer than six months! Mothers can expect more assistance in the future to insure that additional babies are breast fed. The federal government in their "new health care overhaul requires large employers to provide private places for working mothers to pump milk." In addition, a hospital accrediting agency may evaluate hospitals "on their efforts to ensure that newborns are fed only breast milk before they're sent home." As with everything that is important, new mothers may still have to insist on support from hospitals and/or employers for their quest to breast feed.