Teach Self-Reliance

            Families, communities, and nations are strengthened when children are taught to become self-reliant. As I have written previously, parents are commanded to teach the gospel of Jesus Christ to their children. One of the commandments is to be self-reliant.

            I narrowed my focus to three different areas of self-reliance: emotional, temporal, and spiritual. Even though I am no expert in teaching children or self-reliance, I realize that these three areas overlap a lot and reinforce each other.

            Even though I will not share the personal experiences here that I shared with my ward family, I want to share some ideas on how to teach self-reliance in these three areas, starting with emotional self-reliance and then moving on to temporal self-reliance and spiritual self-reliance.

1. In order for children to become self-reliant emotionally, they must know that they are loved unconditionally by their parents. They need to know that their parents will continue to love them no matter what the child says or does. They need to know that parents do not stop loving their child simply because the child says or does mean or hateful things. Even though the parent may be hurt, disappointed, or angry, they will continue to love their child.

2. In order for children to become self-reliant emotionally, they need to see the bigger picture. Along with knowing that they are loved unconditionally, children need to know that many people love them and are concerned about them besides the people in their same household. They need to develop personal relationships with their grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins.

3. In order for children to become self-reliant emotionally, they need positive experiences more than they need every new gadget. Parents can get more bang from their buck by sharing special experiences with their children. An example: Instead of spending all the Christmas money on gadgets, parents should spend some of the money on special experiences. These experiences could include a skiing trip or the experience of watching “Nutcracker.” A special birthday experience could include a special date with only Dad and Mom or a trip to Lego Land with Mom.

4. In order for children to become self-reliant temporally, they need to learn the importance of work and how to work. They need to learn the skills necessary to complete many tasks. They also need to learn to work well with other people. They can learn the importance of work and working with other people as the family works together to keep the house clean or to fix dinner and clean up afterwards. Children can also learn to be consistent in making their bed and picking up their room every day.

5. In order for children to become self-reliant temporally, they need to know the value of education and advanced training. I impressed on my children from the time that they started school that education was important. I attended every PTA meeting and every parent-teacher conference. I made sure that they did their homework and completed assignments. I expected my children to bring home good grades because I knew they had the ability to do so. I drilled into their heads the idea that they needed to attend college and that they would need to pay for their expenses either through scholarships or jobs. Now all of my children have college degrees with most of them holding advanced degrees.

6. In order for children to become self-reliant spiritually they must know that they are children of God and that He watches over them. We must teach them that Heavenly Father knows them by name, loves them, and wants them to come back to His presence to live with Him forever; that He sent Jesus Christ to atone for our sins and to make it possible for us to return; that He sends the Holy Ghost to help us choose the right. It is critical for each child to develop this personal spiritual experience with God. The foundation for doing so is prayer and scripture study, and the best way to teach it is by example. However, this example does not always come from a parent.

7. In order for children to become self-reliant spiritually they must be taught the importance of prayer and how to pray. I do not know how old I was when I became aware that my older sister was kneeling in prayer each night before she climbed into bed. I had been taught about prayer, but the teaching was just a theory until I watched my sister praying every single night. Somehow, her example moved me to action, and I began praying also. I cannot get through a day or get into bed without prayer.

8. In order for children to become self-reliant spiritually they must be taught how to find answers to their problems through studying the scriptures. We teach scripture study by precept, example, and sometimes with bribes. Children must see their parents – or other people that they admire – studying the scriptures in order to understand the importance of doing so.

9. In order for children to become self-reliant spiritually they must be taught correct doctrine. As we teach light and truth to our children we must be careful to keep the doctrine pure. We must help our children to base their testimonies on truth rather than legend or half-truths; otherwise, they will fall away when the going gets too tough. Knowing true doctrine will not only help our children to become spiritually self-reliant, but it will also improve their behavior. I love this quote by President Boyd K. Packer:

“True doctrine, understood, changes attitudes and behavior. The study of the doctrines of the gospel will improve behavior quicker than a study of behavior will improve behavior. … That is why we stress so forcefully the study of the doctrines of the gospel” Boyd K. Packer of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles. (“Little Children,” Ensign, Nov. 1986, 17)

            To summarize: Becoming self-reliant has many facets, and I have touched on only a few of them. We can help our children to become emotionally self-reliant by making sure that they understand and feel unconditional love, know that they are part of a big family, and enjoy enriching experiences with loved ones. We can help them development temporal self-reliance by teaching them how to work and the value of education. We can help them become spiritually self-reliant by teaching them to communicate with Heavenly Father, to study the scriptures, and to understand correct doctrine.

            Emotional, temporal, and spiritual self-reliance all go together in one eternal round. When we build a child in one area, it helps them in another. We cannot go wrong if we love them enough to teach them how to become self-reliant. A child that is taught to be self-reliant will grow into a self-reliant adult and strengthen their own family, community, and nation.

Self-Reliance

                We can strengthen our family, community, and nation by modeling and teaching self-reliance and why it is important.  Self-reliance has been described as the ability, commitment, and effort to provide for our own spiritual and temporal well-being as well as that of our family.  By becoming self-reliant, we not only take care of our own needs but we put ourselves in a situation to be of greater assistance to those in need.

                When President Brigham Young led the Mormon pioneers into the Salt Lake Valley, they found an isolated desert.  President Young encouraged the pioneers to establish permanent homes.  If the Saints were to be obedient to the Prophet’s counsel, they needed to developed skills that would lead to self-sufficiency.  President Young trusted the women and their capacities, talents, faithfulness, and willingness, and he encouraged them in specific temporal duties.  The principles that President Young encouraged the pioneer women to learn are still practiced in the Relief Society today:  1) learn to love work and avoid idleness; 2) acquire a spirit of self-sacrifice; 3) accept personal responsibility for spiritual strength, health, education, employment, finances, food, and other life-sustaining necessities; 4) pray for faith and courage to meet challenges, and 5) strengthen others who need assistance.

                Relief Society sisters and other members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints are encouraged to follow these same principles even though our specific duties may be different than our pioneer sisters.

                When we say that we have self-reliance, we mean that we have the capability to provide for our own spiritual and temporal well-being as well as that of our family.  Learning and applying the principles of self-reliance prepares us to recognize opportunities to care for the poor and needy as well as assist others to become self-reliant and prepare for times of adversity.

                Elder Robert D. Hales of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles taught, “We become converted and spiritually self-reliant as we prayerfully live our covenants – through worthily partaking of the sacrament, being worthy of a temple recommend, and sacrificing to serve others.”

                Elder Hales said that we should become self-reliant temporally, “which includes getting a postsecondary education or vocational training, learning to work, and living within our means.  By avoiding debt and saving money now, we are prepared for full-time Church service in the years to come.  The purpose of both temporal and spiritual self-reliance is to get ourselves on higher ground so that we can lift others in need.”

            I like that last sentence:  “The purpose of both temporal and spiritual self-reliance is to get ourselves on higher ground so that we can lift others in need.”  This sounds so much less selfish than simply taking care of ourselves and our families!  We cannot provide from an empty cupboard or comfort with an empty soul.  We have to be on higher ground in order to help others!  As we increase in our own self-reliance, we can strengthen our family, community, and nation.

Teach Self-Reliance

                Families, communities, and nations are strengthened when parents teach and exemplify the importance of self-reliance.  It is a fact of life that children often follow in the footsteps of their parents.  When parents model self-reliance, the children learn the steps to take care of themselves; on the other hand, when parents model dependence on other people, church or government, their children learn to expect handouts.

                I had the great privilege of having parents who taught their children to work hard and to be independent.  Much of their teachings came from what they learned in their childhoods and through the teachings of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.  My mother was an active member of Church’s organization for women known as the Relief Society.  This organization may be the oldest and largest organization for women in the world.

                Welfare work is central to the work of Relief Society, and the purposes of the welfare program of the Church are “to help members become self-reliant, to care for the poor and needy among us, and to give service to others.”  In this society we are taught the welfare principles and encouraged to become spiritually and temporally self-reliant in order to be able to help other people.  As sisters in this great organization, we extend charity – or the pure love of Christ – to our neighbors all over the world.

                The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints has been teaching self-reliance since 1936 when it formed the Welfare Committee to help individuals and families during the Great Depression.  In striving to help people, the Church has learned much about the principles of self-reliance.  The following instructions are found in the Church Handbook of Instruction:  “The Savior has commanded the Church and its members to be self-reliant and independent….

                “To become self-reliant, a person must work.  Work is physical, mental, or spiritual effort.  It is a basic source of happiness, self-worth, and prosperity.  Through work, people accomplish many good things in their lives….

                “As people become self-reliant, they are better prepared to endure adversities” and are “better able to care for others in need.”

                Elder M. Russell Ballard of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles taught “a few simple but very important principles” that “can help prepare us to become more self-reliant.”  http://www.lds.org/ensign/2009/03/becoming-self-reliant-spiritually-and-physically?lang=eng

                The first principle taught by Elder Ballard is that “every person must know that he or she is a child of God and is loved by Him.  People need to realize that regardless of their circumstances, as desperate as those may be, they are entitled to the Light of Christ in their lives.  From Moroni we learn, `The Spirit of Christ is given to every man’ (Moroni 7:16).  The promise is that every son and daughter of God can find, through the Spirit, answers to the challenges in their lives, including how to become more self-reliant….

                “We become more self-reliant in some ways as we recognize our dependence on Him from whom all good things come….

                “At the root of self-reliance are the dignity and importance of seeing ourselves as children of God regardless of circumstance, culture, or location.”

                The second principle taught by Elder Ballard is the “need to appraise our own lives.  How well are we listening to the Spirit?  Are we living according to the eternal truths and doctrines of the restored Church of Jesus Christ?  Can we effectively appraise the needs of others by prompting of the Spirit?”  He share the experience of Muhammad Yunus, recipient of the Nobel Peace Prize in 2006 for his efforts to help the poor by organizing an unusual bank in Bangladesh.  Mr. Yunus used his own funds to help the poor and then went to the banks for additional help but was refused.  His strategy evolved:  `Whatever the bankers did, I simply did the opposite.’  “The bankers would only lend to the rich.  I would only lend to the poor.  The bankers would only make large loans.  I would only make very small loans.  The bankers would only lend to men.  I would only lend to women.  The bankers would only lend if there was collateral.  I would only lend without collateral.  The bankers required extensive paperwork.  I only made loans that even an illiterate could understand.  The bankers required their clients to come to the bank.  I took my bank to the village.”

                Elder Ballard believes that Mr. Yunus was prompted by the Spirit.  Even though the “banks expected a high rate of loan defaults,” Mr. Yunus “expected and experienced almost none.”  His bank “has provided more than $4 billion in loans and is entirely self-sustaining.”

                The third principle taught by Elder Ballard is the “need to remember that every man and every woman has the God-given right to choose what he or she will believe and do.”  He quoted Benjamin Franklin:  “We stand at the crossroads, each minute, each hour, each day, making choices.  We choose the thoughts we allow ourselves to think, the passions we allow ourselves to feel, and the actions we allow ourselves to perform.  Each choice is made in the context of whatever value system we’ve selected to govern our lives.  In selecting that value system, we are, in a very real way, making the most important choice we will ever make.

                “Those who believe there is one God who made all things and who governs the world by his Providence will make many choices different from those who do not  Those who hold in reverence that being who gave them life and worship Him through adoration, prayer, and thanksgiving will make many choices different from those who do not.  Those who believe in a future state in which all that is wrong here will be made right will make many choices different from those who do not.  Those who subscribe to the morals of Jesus will make many choices different from those who do not.

                “Since the foundation of all happiness is thinking rightly, and since correct action is dependent on correct opinion, we cannot be too careful in choosing the value system we allow to govern our thoughts and actions.

                “And to know that God governs in the affairs of men, that he hears and answers prayers, and that he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek Him, is indeed, a powerful regulator of human conduct.”

                I like this quote from Benjamin Franklin because it shows that he obviously knew what I have been taught.  He knew as I know that each child of God has moral agency and the right to choose what we will do.  We can choose to do good or we can choose to do evil; however, we cannot choose the consequences of our choices.

                Elder Ballard’s fourth principle is the need to “master the ability to think straight.”  The ability to “think straight” “may be more important in the future as the world continues to spiral downward and crumble into moral decay….

                “Often in my ministry have I heard the sad tale of those who are struggling to become self-reliant but in fact are becoming more dependent upon others because of their inability to think straight and apply common sense in the decisions they make.  Much of life’s misery centers in the lack of using common sense….

                “Helping people to think straight and use common sense will, in my judgment, always be a very important step in helping them to reach economic self-reliance.  It is part of teaching our children and others to walk in the ways of truth and soberness and to love and serve one another (see Mosiah 4:15).  Part of thinking straight is listening – being able to listen to the promptings of the Spirit.”

                The last of Elder Ballard’s principles is the need to “seek guidance from the Lord and trust in Him.”  The Lord is “merciful and gracious” unto those who fear Him and “delights to honor those who serve me in righteousness and in truth unto the end” (Doctrine and Covenants 76:5).

                President Marion G. Romney (1897-1988) also spoke about self-reliance:  “Without self-reliance one cannot exercise these innate desires to serve.  How can we give if there is nothing there?  Food for the hungry cannot come from empty shelves.  Money to assist the needy cannot come from an empty purse.  Support and understanding cannot come from the emotionally starved.  Teaching cannot come from the unlearned.  And most important of all, spiritual guidance cannot come from the spiritually weak.”

                President Ezra Taft Benson (1899-1994) taught the difference between the Lord’s way of helping people and the world’s way:  “The world would take people out of the slums.  Christ takes the slums out of people, and then they take themselves out of the slums.  The world would mold men by changing their environment.  Christ changes men, who then change their environment.  The world would shape human behavior, but Christ can change human nature.

                Heavenly Father wants each of His children to be self-reliant, and He send His Son, even Jesus Christ, to earth to help us be independent; however, both Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ know that there will always be those among us who need help and have commanded us to love and serve each other.  We should seek to be self-reliant in order to care for ourselves and families and then be able to serve other people.  When parents teach their children to be self-reliant, they strengthen their family, community, and nation.