Teach Self-Reliance

            Families, communities, and nations are strengthened when children are taught to become self-reliant. As I have written previously, parents are commanded to teach the gospel of Jesus Christ to their children. One of the commandments is to be self-reliant.

            I narrowed my focus to three different areas of self-reliance: emotional, temporal, and spiritual. Even though I am no expert in teaching children or self-reliance, I realize that these three areas overlap a lot and reinforce each other.

            Even though I will not share the personal experiences here that I shared with my ward family, I want to share some ideas on how to teach self-reliance in these three areas, starting with emotional self-reliance and then moving on to temporal self-reliance and spiritual self-reliance.

1. In order for children to become self-reliant emotionally, they must know that they are loved unconditionally by their parents. They need to know that their parents will continue to love them no matter what the child says or does. They need to know that parents do not stop loving their child simply because the child says or does mean or hateful things. Even though the parent may be hurt, disappointed, or angry, they will continue to love their child.

2. In order for children to become self-reliant emotionally, they need to see the bigger picture. Along with knowing that they are loved unconditionally, children need to know that many people love them and are concerned about them besides the people in their same household. They need to develop personal relationships with their grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins.

3. In order for children to become self-reliant emotionally, they need positive experiences more than they need every new gadget. Parents can get more bang from their buck by sharing special experiences with their children. An example: Instead of spending all the Christmas money on gadgets, parents should spend some of the money on special experiences. These experiences could include a skiing trip or the experience of watching “Nutcracker.” A special birthday experience could include a special date with only Dad and Mom or a trip to Lego Land with Mom.

4. In order for children to become self-reliant temporally, they need to learn the importance of work and how to work. They need to learn the skills necessary to complete many tasks. They also need to learn to work well with other people. They can learn the importance of work and working with other people as the family works together to keep the house clean or to fix dinner and clean up afterwards. Children can also learn to be consistent in making their bed and picking up their room every day.

5. In order for children to become self-reliant temporally, they need to know the value of education and advanced training. I impressed on my children from the time that they started school that education was important. I attended every PTA meeting and every parent-teacher conference. I made sure that they did their homework and completed assignments. I expected my children to bring home good grades because I knew they had the ability to do so. I drilled into their heads the idea that they needed to attend college and that they would need to pay for their expenses either through scholarships or jobs. Now all of my children have college degrees with most of them holding advanced degrees.

6. In order for children to become self-reliant spiritually they must know that they are children of God and that He watches over them. We must teach them that Heavenly Father knows them by name, loves them, and wants them to come back to His presence to live with Him forever; that He sent Jesus Christ to atone for our sins and to make it possible for us to return; that He sends the Holy Ghost to help us choose the right. It is critical for each child to develop this personal spiritual experience with God. The foundation for doing so is prayer and scripture study, and the best way to teach it is by example. However, this example does not always come from a parent.

7. In order for children to become self-reliant spiritually they must be taught the importance of prayer and how to pray. I do not know how old I was when I became aware that my older sister was kneeling in prayer each night before she climbed into bed. I had been taught about prayer, but the teaching was just a theory until I watched my sister praying every single night. Somehow, her example moved me to action, and I began praying also. I cannot get through a day or get into bed without prayer.

8. In order for children to become self-reliant spiritually they must be taught how to find answers to their problems through studying the scriptures. We teach scripture study by precept, example, and sometimes with bribes. Children must see their parents – or other people that they admire – studying the scriptures in order to understand the importance of doing so.

9. In order for children to become self-reliant spiritually they must be taught correct doctrine. As we teach light and truth to our children we must be careful to keep the doctrine pure. We must help our children to base their testimonies on truth rather than legend or half-truths; otherwise, they will fall away when the going gets too tough. Knowing true doctrine will not only help our children to become spiritually self-reliant, but it will also improve their behavior. I love this quote by President Boyd K. Packer:

“True doctrine, understood, changes attitudes and behavior. The study of the doctrines of the gospel will improve behavior quicker than a study of behavior will improve behavior. … That is why we stress so forcefully the study of the doctrines of the gospel” Boyd K. Packer of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles. (“Little Children,” Ensign, Nov. 1986, 17)

            To summarize: Becoming self-reliant has many facets, and I have touched on only a few of them. We can help our children to become emotionally self-reliant by making sure that they understand and feel unconditional love, know that they are part of a big family, and enjoy enriching experiences with loved ones. We can help them development temporal self-reliance by teaching them how to work and the value of education. We can help them become spiritually self-reliant by teaching them to communicate with Heavenly Father, to study the scriptures, and to understand correct doctrine.

            Emotional, temporal, and spiritual self-reliance all go together in one eternal round. When we build a child in one area, it helps them in another. We cannot go wrong if we love them enough to teach them how to become self-reliant. A child that is taught to be self-reliant will grow into a self-reliant adult and strengthen their own family, community, and nation.

Teach Correct Doctrine

                    Families, communities, and nations are strengthened when we as parents, teachers, and leaders insure that the rising generation is taught correct principles and doctrine.  When we teach the truth to children and youth, they mature with sound knowledge and correct principles; when we fail to teach correct doctrine, we have no excuses when the upcoming generations stray.

We must all understand that real power comes from studying and teachings the doctrines of the gospel as they are found in the scriptures and the teachings of latter-day prophets.

                    Many leaders have counseled parents, leaders, and teachers about the importance of helping our children and youth feast upon the teachings of the Savior and learn correct doctrine.  President J. Reuben Clark, Jr. taught:  "The youth of the Church are hungry for the things of the Spirit; they are eager to learn the gospel, and they want it straight, undiluted….

                    "You do not have to sneak up behind [them] and whisper religion in [their] ears; … You do not need to disguise religious truths with a cloak of worldly things; you can bring these truths to [them] openly" (The Charted Course of the Church in Education, rev. ed. [pamphlet, 1994], 3, 9).

                    We must not teach "fluff" to the rising generation because they need "healthy food" in order to successfully make their way through this life.  We cannot teach truth to the rising generation without searching it out first, and President Marion G. Romney taught the importance going to the fountain of truth:  "When I drink from a spring I like to get the water where it comes out of the ground, not down the stream after the cattle have waded in it.  … I appreciate other people's interpretation, but when it comes to the gospel we ought to be acquainted with what the Lord says" (address to religious educators, 13 April 1973; quoted by J. Richard Clarke in Ensign, Nov. 1982, 15).

                    In order to "be acquainted with what the Lord says" we must turn to those sources where we can find the counsel of the Lord, and those sources include the scriptures and the teachings of latter-day prophets.  We can ensure that we are teaching correct doctrine when we are consistent with the scriptures and the teachings of latter-day prophets.

                    Teachers in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints "shall teach the principles of my gospel, which are in the Bible and the Book of Mormon, in the which is the fulness of the gospel" and "observe the covenants and church articles to do them, and these shall be their teachings, as they shall be directed by the Spirit" (Doctrine and Covenants 42:12-13).

                    Teachers in the Church should teach "none other things than that which the prophets and apostles have written, and that which is taught them by the Comforter through the prayer of faith" (Doctrine and Covenants 52:9).

                    Church-produced manuals contain suggestions for application, questions, activities, and audiovisual materials that can help us focus our teaching on the scriptures and the words of latter-day prophets.  President Spencer W. Kimball explained, "No one has the right to give his own private interpretations when he has been invited to teach in the organizations of the Church; he is a guest, … and those whom he teaches are justified in assuming that, having been chosen and sustained in the proper order, he represents the Church and the things which he teaches are approved by the Church" (The Teachings of Spencer W. Kimball, ed. Edward L. Kimball [1982], 532-533).

                   Other scriptures show that the word of God has the power to change people's thoughts and attitudes, and to lead them to choose the right.  When the prophet Alma led a mission to reclaim the apostate Zoramites, he used the word of God to teach correct principles.  "And now, as the preaching of the word had a great tendency to lead the people to do that which was just - yea, it had had more powerful effect upon the minds of the people than the sword, or anything else, which had happened unto them - therefore Alma thought it was expedient that they should try the virtue of the word of God" (Book of Mormon - Another Testament of Jesus Christ, Alma 31:5).

                    The teaching of the word of God has numerous effects.  Alma learned that the truth caused the Zoramites to be "angry because of the word, for it did destroy their craft; therefore they would not hearken unto the word" (Alma 35:3).

                    At another time in the history of the Nephites and Lamanites in the Book of Mormon, there was a band of robbers of Gadianton:  "and they did preach the word of God among the more wicked part of them, insomuch that this band of robbers was utterly destroyed from among the Lamanites" (Helaman 6:37).

                    The Book of Moses contained in the Pearl of Great Price gave the experiences of Enoch using the word of God:  "And so great was the faith of Enoch that he led the people of God, and their enemies came to battle against them; and he spake the word of the Lord, and the earth trembled, and the mountains fled, even according to his command; and the rivers of water were turned out of their course; and the roar of the lions was heard out of the wilderness; and all nations feared greatly, so powerful was the word of Enoch, and so great was the power of the language which God had given him" (Moses 7:13).

                    Why are the scriptures so powerful?  Because the scriptures or the word of God are "the rod of iron" which leads "to the fountain of living waters, or to the tree of life; ... and I beheld that the tree of life was a representation of the love of God" (Book of Mormon, 1 Nephi 11:25).

                    We learn from another scripture that "Angels speak by the power of the Holy Ghost; wherefore, they speak the words of Christ.  Wherefore, I said unto you, feast upon the words of Christ; for behold the words of Christ will tell you all things what ye should do…

                    "For behold, again I say unto you that if ye will enter in by the way, and receive the Holy Ghost, it will show unto you all things what ye should do" (Book of Mormon, 2 Nephi 32:3, 5).

                    The Lord promises us great blessings as we diligently learn and teach His doctrine.  One of those blessings is an increase in our personal knowledge.  We must study the doctrines of the gospel before we can teach them effectively.   President Kimball said, "It is a common thing to have a few passages of scripture at our disposal, floating in our minds, as it were, and thus to have the illusion that we know a great deal about the gospel.  In this sense, having a little knowledge can be a problem indeed.  I am convinced that each of us, at some time in our lives, must discover the scriptures for ourselves - and not just discover them once, but rediscover them again and again" ("How Rare a Possession - the Scriptures!" Ensign, Sept. 1976, 4).

                    The importance of teaching correct doctrine cannot be over stated.  When we teach correct principles and doctrines, we can have great impact in the lives of the rising generation.  Elder David Bednar explained, "Gospel doctrines are a supernal source of power and influence for good.  President Boyd K. Packer has explained:  `True doctrine, understood, changes attitudes and behavior. 

The study of the doctrines of the gospel [of Jesus Christ] will improve behavior quicker than a study of behavior will improve behavior.  Preoccupation with unworthy behavior can lead to unworthy behavior.  That is why we stress so forcefully the study of the doctrines of the gospel.'  Two important words in President Packer's statement should be highlighted.

                    "First, true doctrine changes attitudes and behavior.  True suggests doctrine that comes from God and is correct and accurate.  The sources of such doctrine are the authorized teachings of the Lord's anointed servants and the scriptures.  False doctrines, personal opinions and speculation, and gospel `hobbies' do not and cannot produce the same righteous effect upon our outlook and conduct.

                    "Second, true doctrine that is understood changes attitudes and behavior.  Interestingly, President Packer did not teach that simply knowing true doctrine changes us.  Rather, doctrine must be understood … the word understanding in the scriptures frequently is linked to and associated with the heart and refers to a revealed result or conclusion.  Thus, true doctrine confirmed in the heart as true by the witness of the Holy Ghost changes attitudes and behavior.  Knowing true doctrine is necessary but is not sufficient.  Understanding true doctrine both in our minds and in our hearts is essential to righteous attitudes and actions."  (Increase in Learning - Spiritual Patters for Obtaining Your Own Answers).

                    The rising generation must be taught correct doctrine in order for them to rise to their full potential and to be prepared to take their places as parents, leaders, and teachers.  We must teach correct doctrine to our children and youth in order to strengthen our families, communities, and nations.