What Can You Do to Help Your Teenager?

             Families, communities, and nations are stronger when the rising generations receives the help that it needs. Being a teenager is not easy with the fluctuating hormones, growth spurts, becoming a new person, and hundreds of decisions. Among other needs, teenagers seek understanding from adults.

            In an article titled “7 Things Teenagers Desperately Need Adults to Understand” published at this site, the authors share numerous thoughts that a teenager might have, such as the following. 

I’m going to tell you something now that’s hard to say. Please listen, because I really mean it: Don’t give up on me. Don’t hate me back. I need you to be stronger than me. I need you to be my parent, even though I say I don’t want one. I need you to be more patient than I can be, more understanding, more accepting. Even when I am yelling at you, even when I tell you that I hate you, I still need you to love me.

If I could tell you how to help me, this is what I would say:

1. Give me space.

Don’t come into my room, corner me, or make demands. I don’t have any answers…. I need space.

2. Don’t yell at me.

The noise in my head is so loud sometimes that I can barely hear my own thoughts. I can’t stand it. When you yell, I feel worse about myself. I feel unloved. I feel like I am your biggest disappointment.

3. Take my electronics away.

I can’t put my phone down; I try, but I just can’t. I know it’s devouring all my time, but I can’t help myself; I can’t stop checking it. I need your help. I need you to set limits on technology….

4. Bring me someplace quiet.

I say I don’t want anything to do with you. But if you could bring me somewhere quiet, somewhere we could walk together and not argue, somewhere I can feel the sun and listen to the wind in the trees, somewhere I can breathe and forget about everything that’s bothering me, I think I would like that. Even if we don’t speak, I will feel comforted.

5. Stop spoiling me.

Stop giving me everything I want. The more you give me, the more I resent you. I want to earn things. It helps me feel grown-up. I want to learn how to save money, spend money, share money.

6. Find me, someone, to talk to.

I need someone to look up to who isn’t you. I need an adult to admire, someone I want to be like, a person, who believes in me, who pushes me, and who understands me. A mentor, a counselor, a therapist … anyone who can give me hope when I have too little for myself.

7. Tell me that you love me.

I pretend not to care. But I really need to her you say the words, “I love you.” Because right now, I don’t love me. Even though I’m making your life hell, I still need to feel loved. Especially by you.

            The teenage years are difficult, and teenagers need support from their parents. Parents should learn to speak so teenagers will listen and listen to help teenagers talk. Parents can strengthen their family, community, and nation by meeting the unspoken needs of their teenager.