How Is Your Family Structure Affecting Your Children?

            Family is the core unit of society, and the strength of communities and nations depends on the strength of their families. There are numerous ways to strengthen families, and one of those ways is to be aware of the lasting impacts of childhood dynamics and family structures.

            Lois M. Collins reported on a recent study about these topics in an article titled “How does birth order change siblings’ family relationships and futures?” The study was titled “Emerging trends and enduring patterns in American family life,” and the report of the findings from the study was issued this week by the Survey Center on American Life. 

According to Collins, “nearly 80% of Americans” have at least one sibling, and “that relationship is likely to be more enduring and impactful than nearly any other.” However, there are varying degrees depending on “birth order, perceived parental favoritism, age difference and other factors.”

“Few aspects of childhood have a more unique and enduring impact” than brother-sister relationships, said Daniel A. Cox, the center’s director and a senior fellow in polling and public opinion at the American Enterprise Institute.

When we interviewed people 60 and 70 years old, we were still seeing effects of birth order,” said Cox. “That shows how powerful those experiences are.”

Most Americans who grew up with at least one brother or sister said they had a reasonably close relationship with siblings. Just 22% said they were either not too close or not at all close to their siblings.

Middle children, surrounded on both sides by others, reported having the closest relationships. Almost half of middle children said that, compared to 40% of eldest children and 35% of the youngest.

Men whose parents divorced during their childhood felt more distant from siblings than those who grew up in intact households. Divorce didn’t affect sibling relationships for females in the same way.

In addition to divorce, time and different life journeys can create distance, too. While most Americans describe at least somewhat close relationships with their siblings growing up, just 51% say they are very or completely satisfied with the relationship they now have with siblings.

Parents have a lot of unofficial say in whether families stay close. “Simply put, Americans who are very or completely satisfied with the relationship they have with their parents are very likely to feel the same about their relationship with their sibling,” the report says.

            According to the study, one way that parents can affect the future relationships between their children is to avoid playing favorites. “When they perceived favoritism growing up, adults who were polled said they felt less close to both their siblings and their parents. And they were more likely to say they felt lonely during their childhood than did those who said their parents didn’t have a favorite child.”

            My children accuse me of having a favorite child, but I would have a difficult time selecting which one would be my favorite. I admit that there are times when I like one child over another, but that “liked” child changes depending on circumstances. I love each of them for who they are, and I try to treat them and their children as equally as possible.

            I am grateful for my relationships with my siblings. I have eleven siblings and their spouses, plus my husband’s two siblings and their spouses. I am grateful for each one of them and the impact that they have had on my life. Now that my siblings by blood and marriage are aging, I have already said goodbye to too many of them. I believe that the reason why I have such great relationships with my siblings is because we all knew that Mom and Dad loved each other and loved each of us. So, one way that parents can help their children to stay close as children and adults is to love each other and their children. By strengthening their family, parents can bring strength to their community and nation.