Grandchildren

Some people consider grandchildren to be the "best revenge" for their struggles with their own children. I must admit that I enjoy watching my own children as they move through their own parenting experiences, but I consider grandchildren to be the greatest blessings that my children can give to me.

My fourteenth "blessing" - a boy, making eight boys and six girls, all of them under the age of eleven - was born a week ago. I come from a family that considers children, grandchildren, and other posterity to be blessings in our lives. My own parents have 12 children, 70 grandchildren, 188 great-grandchildren, and 22 great-great-grandchildren - with more on the way. My parents have a total posterity of 292.

My oldest son's wife gathers pictures of all my grandchildren and makes a calendar for me as part of my Christmas gift each year. I love to look at all the pictures as I plan my activities and take a moment to think about what is most important to me. This time she put some cute sayings on the calendar also. Let me share some of them with you.

"Grandchildren are loving reminders of what we're really here for." It is easy to get caught up in being busy with life, but grandchildren in their sweet, innocent, and energetic ways help us to remember that relationships are much more important than projects.

"Being grandparents sufficiently removes us from the responsibilities so that we can be friends." Every child needs a friend who can love them, comfort them and tell them how wonderful they are. Grandparents can be that kind of friend. I receive many telephone calls from my grandchildren telling me about their latest accomplishments or problems. The latest was a little two-year-old boy who wanted to report to me that he is learning to go potty in the toilet. How thrilled he was to tell me of his success!

"Grandchildren are a gift from above - ones to cherish and to love." This is so true. Grandchildren come here straight from Heavenly Father and make life so very interesting.

"The laughter of a child is the light of a house." I love to hear little children laughing and happy. Their laughter lights up my life. One of my granddaughters has a laugh - really a chuckle - that comes from deep within her body. I love to hear her laugh!

"To become a grandparent is to enjoy one of the few pleasures in life for which the consequences have already been paid." While visiting my son and his family recently, I was performing a chore that my son thought should be done by one of the children. He sort of reprimanded me for doing it myself instead of insisting that a child do it. I informed him - kindly - that it was his job to teach the children to work and mine to simply enjoy them. He just laughed - but I meant it.

"Few things are more delightful than grandchildren fighting over your lap." It seems that when grandma or grandpa is cuddling a child, others want to get in on the love also. I quite often have more than one child in my lap when I have the opportunity.

"If I'd known grandchildren were so much fun, I'd have had them first!" I enjoy my grandchildren, but I wouldn't miss the opportunity to be a mother also. What a wonderful blessing!

"My grandkids are geniuses! (They think I'm perfect.)" This is often true. I convinced my oldest grandson that I had magical powers when I made popcorn out of kernels on the stove. He had never seen popcorn popped other than in a microwave oven, and he really thought it was magic!

"Grandchildren are precious gifts given to parents from their children." This is so true! Thank you!

"Grandparents are similar to a piece of string - handy to have around and easily wrapped around the fingers of their grandchildren." I will do anything that I can possibly do if one of my grandchildren asks me to do something for them. The latest request I received was one to make some pioneer costumes for my two granddaughters who will be riding on a float for Pioneer Day in Utah. I hope the girls enjoy the costumes!

I love my grandchildren and enjoy them very much. My children think that I visit them just to see the grandchildren. That is not true, but the grandchildren certainly add to the enjoyment of seeing my children. My grandchildren are special treasures in my life given to me by my children. Thank you!

Stop Feeding the Beast

Families are strengthened when parents teach their children with love, respect, and common sense. I have much admiration and respect for the young parents I know because they show much love and respect while teaching and training their children; however, I have at times wondered about the amount of common sense they use.

I enjoy reading articles by family psychologist John Rosemond because he states in plain language the need for common sense in parenting. In a recent article in the Anchorage Daily News, Rosemond wrote about temper tantrums and how to deal with them. The author wrote that he sees a lot of parents today that deal in "psychological thinking. They assign psychological meaning and significance to any behavior on the part of their children that is the least bit out of kilter. … The psychological interpretation mystifies the child's behavior, raises the parent's anxiety level, and generates responses that are not only confusing to the child but also makes the problem - if in fact the behavior in question is problematic to begin with - much, much worse."

The author continued his explanation by telling about a mother of a 3-year-old who thought her daughter's temper tantrums had something to do with the fact that she was adopted. He explained to the mother that her daughter was throwing temper tantrums for the same reason that non-adopted children throw temper tantrums - "You are not obeying her properly."

He continued with: "It doesn't matter what the child's history or circumstances, all tantrums are equal. They are expressions of what I call `The Almighty I Am' - the belief, shared by every child, that he/she is the only fish in the pond of any significance and that everyone else - parents especially - exists solely to serve. When their service is not pleasing, when their obedience is not immediate, The Almighty I Am begins to rage. Hell hath no fury, etcetera."

Rosemond explained that The Almighty I Am was referred to as the "inner child" back in the 1960s when almost everyone was trying to get back in touch with their own. When the children of the 1960s grew up and became parents, they were careful to "not repress our children's inner beasts, which goes a long way toward explaining why so many Boomers are now raising their grandchildren.) Convinced that her daughter's tantrums were a sign of deep-seated psychological rumblings, Mom catered to them. She figured out what her daughter wanted her to do and she did it. In short, she fed the beast. In turn, the beast grew more beastly."

Dr. Rosemond further explained that it is not good for a child to believe that the parent should obey him/her. He went on to state that parents should basically ignore a child's temper tantrum and stop "feeding the beast."

I tell my own grandchildren, "Temper tantrums won't get you anywhere with me. I don't like temper tantrums!" I have been kicked, screamed at, and even accused of making my grandchild throw a fit, but I simply will not tolerate temper tantrums. Parents who "feed the beast" may end up parenting their grandchildren instead of simply enjoying the opportunity to be a grandparent.